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I lost my husband of 29 years suddenly 7 weeks ago. I feel like I’m going backwards, I miss and love and grieve more every day. I still look for him everywhere. Friends and family have stopped calling and coming by. Everyone thinks I need to move on. Do more, get out. I have no motivation, to do anything. We were both retired, he for 2 years, me for 3 years. I’m so lonley sad depressed.

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Dearest  Lost,

   My  sympathy  to you in your  loss of your   beloved  husband  of  29 yrs.  All   your  tears,  your sadness,  your depression and  feeling lost and lonely  are  expected  and common  symptoms  of the  grief you are experiencing!  We  here  at  WV get it  because   we have  all  been where you are  right now. Let me tell  you  first  to ignore  the  advice  of  friends  and  family  to "move on...do more...get out".  They haven't got  one clue  as to the reality  of what you  are going through!!!  And  unless  they become widowed they  never  will!   Ignore  their  words!.  Most of us  have  experienced  family and  friends  disappearing  into  the woodwork  or somewhere  out  there...ending  contact  with us.   Ignore  them too.  Your  grief is  new and fresh  and raw  at  7wks!  It will take  more  time  to even begin  to  want  to move  forward.  For  now   take care  of yourself.  Eat  well and  get sleep.  Don't  turn to  junk food, alcohol or  tobacco to  calm or cheer  you  because  it's  not  the answer  and  they  will weaken  you  and  addict  you to hurtful  things  disguised  as  helpers.    Read  about grief.  Look for  things  you  enjoy--small things  and  do those  first.  Don't  set  up a timeline to  end  your grief  - they  don't  work.  You could try  counseling  or a support group to discuss  your loss  when you are ready. Wait  on  jumping  to drugs for  instant  relief....they  can help  but  you  do not want dependence  on them  to  enter your life  before  you have  given yourself  mourning  time/reflecting  and  planning  time.  Baby steps   moment  by moment.  Don't  be afraid  of your  strange unwanted  feelings of  being  lost.  You  are not  lost.  You  found  us  and  you will  find  others things  to help  as well....little  by little.  Post  anytime  you want.  We  will listen  and  understand.  You  will find  a new  path in time.    And  I promise  there  is  healing  for  your grief but you must give it time to unfold.       lj

Thank you. I’m so sad and miss my husband so much every day every hour every minute 

It is so hard to move through grief. It hurts in ways only you can know. Having someone, like this group or local ones, that can listen and not judge can help.

we all realize most friends want to help but many of them are really bad at it! Sending healing thoughts.

Dear Lost,

I  lost my husband of 38 years almost 5 months ago.  You are not going backwards Lost, though it does feel that way.  Trust in the future and trust in you - for you will pull through. Truth is, you are navigating  one of the most difficult seas , but always there - not today and maybe not tomorrow  -but one day  shelter, sunshine, calm. Take your time Lost.  It is okay.

Friends and family do rally initially through love and support  which is a beautiful gift-but they too grieve and they too need time to re-adjust to the loss of your husband who was and still is and will remain a vital  thread to their own existence present and past.  They too grieve.

The suggestion of moving  on  is simply what everyone wants for you to do -for they do not want to see you in pain.  It pains them too.  But of course moving on is not that easy as we know.

I have thrown myself into volunteering and on line courses.  I don't get joy from it yet, but I am certain that with time the well will slowly begin to fill.

Blessing to you Lost.

 

The other's comments are all true.  Trust in yourself.  I'm 41/2 months in and still very sad, but I have been able to do a little more with more consistency. Although believe me, its not much. 

   I call and go see people when I'm ready, which is mostly a physical thing, sometimes I just don't feel like calling or visiting. Others will be awkward (I find other widows(ers) are easiest to talk to) but it helps refresh me to see others, exercise, even just go to the store.   One step, one day, one month, one year at a time is all we can do.  Hang in there

Hello Lost. I lost my husband, 56, four months ago. We, too, were married for 29 years. His passing was 3 years coming. Even knowing his disease would kill him, it did little to prepare me for the overwhelming and gut-wrenching sadness and grief. I feel worse each day, too. I found that most friends went back to their normal lives (as they should) quickly. The few very dear and close friends continue to ask me to do things or go places. I am honest with them and decline when I'm not up to it, or cancel last minute if I'm not up to it. I asked them to understand and please don't give up on me. Our closest friends understand and respect my wishes. 

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