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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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Widowed in 2018

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We are grateful you found us so soon after your loss, but until this group grows please feel free to also join the Widowed in 2017.

Members: 159
Latest Activity: on Tuesday

Discussion Forum

Identity Crisis?

Started by sis. Last reply by BillDrums Apr 12. 15 Replies

I lost my husband March 18, 2018 from a cerebral aneurysm. We were together 49 years, married 43, with grown boys. I guess it's because of the holidays, but lately little things are smacking me in…Continue

Losing the Love of my Life.

Started by Patra24. Last reply by KJPE Apr 1. 1 Reply

Hi, I'm new to this site, I Lost the Love of my Life, my Amazing Husband on July 10, 2018 to Lung Cancer there's not a day that goes by that I don't cry at some point I feel it's getting worse than…Continue

New to this group and site

Started by Heidi57. Last reply by Heidi57 Mar 29. 2 Replies

My husband of 42 yrs passed away on Sept 22/18. (age 64), due to heart & dialysis complications (long story.) We met July 3, 1974 the day before my 17th birthday.  Our first date was in August…Continue

Going out is so hard

Started by Kmelli3 (Kate). Last reply by LP Mar 29. 8 Replies

Hi there, I'm fairly new to the site.  My name is Kate and I lost my husband of 20 years (Tom) to cardiac arrest on November 23rd at age 46.  I am so lost and devastated.  I have been asked to…Continue

Comment Wall

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Comment by Laurel on April 22, 2018 at 6:32pm

I agree with everyone that someone who has experienced widowhood seem to be the only ones I’ve encountered who really get it—for heaven’s sake, I don’t really get it, so how could someone who has never had this experience truly understand. I loved my husband dearly and he was a good, good man. No anger, just extreme anguish. The house is so quiet without him. We had no children—we met a little later in life after both of us had divorced. For 2+ years we both tried so hard to get him well, but the cancer kept coming. I’m truly happy he does not have to struggle, but I miss him so. Thank you all for listening. I don’t want to be a broken record to others. However, it does help to say these things. I’m so sorry to hear all the sad stories here—so sorry for everyone’s losses. I agree that each person experiences this uniquely and I’m sad to say uniquely painfully. Peace and love to you all.

Comment by Rzh895 on April 22, 2018 at 4:59pm

I am so sorry, Laurel and others. I lost my husband of 27 years nine weeks ago, and I'm still shell shocked. I don't think that is something that is going to go away anytime soon. I will say that over that time, I have seen a very slight change in my being able to cope, although my brain functioning and energy level remain very low. Probably the one thing I've learned, other than this is the absolute worst thing I can imagine ever happening to me, is that everyone has different needs and is on a different "schedule" in going through the process. I have always been a real introvert, but I've found that I really have had to reach out to try and make friends/acquaintances for support, even though my family has been supportive. Other widows have made the best supporters - the pen pal program through this site, and a local grief group have helped carry me.  If you are a reader, the Wolfelt books are highly recommended, and I really enjoyed It's OK That You're Not OK, as it validated that much of what I was feeling is NORMAL for grief. The first few weeks, about all I could remember to do was to get out of bed, hydrate, and eat something. And I didn't always do very well at even those three tasks!  There are no magic bullets, and this sucks, and it's probably not going to get a whole lot better for a long time. But, we will make it through, and we may even learn some good things from a very bad situation. My thoughts are with you.

Comment by familia1 on April 22, 2018 at 12:38pm

My deepest condolences Laurel and Nayajivan.   I lost my husband the same week as you both (3/11).  We would have been together 19 years. 

Comment by nayajivan on April 22, 2018 at 8:10am

Hi Laurel,

I lost my Wife of 19 years to Kidney Failure on 3-12-18.

Even I am undergoing great pain and hurt at the loss, but now, you will have to accept the hard, harsh, cruel reality that the person whom we adored and loved for all these years is gone and no more.

but, please understand that now you will reached this wonderful and helpful group where we all are facing, fighting and coping with the same tragic situation and supporting each other to heal the pain !

Lots of Prayers and Blessings for U,

Naya Jivan

Comment by Laurel on April 21, 2018 at 6:39pm

I lost my husband of 20 years to pancreatic cancer on 3-13-18. I’m still shellshocked. :-(

Comment by Rzh895 on April 7, 2018 at 5:40am

Thank you for sharing, RedWidow. I can't believe how similar our situations seem. It is comforting to know that there is someone else out there who really gets the situation with the spouse with medical and mental issues. Adds a lot of guilt and anger to the equation. Thank you!

Comment by RedWidow on April 6, 2018 at 7:31am

@Rzh895 - I'm right there with you. My husband's cirrhosis wasn't just alcohol-induced. It was fatty alcohol liver disease, too. Plus, he was bipolar and the meds he took for years likely contributed to the liver failure (acute liver failure is listed as a rare side effect). So it was a perfect storm for him. Alcoholism, bipolar, anxiety - we battled these in our marriage. I love him wholeheartedly, but mental health issues create a third party in a marriage. 

I firmly believe that alcohol abuse is a mental health disorder. It is recognized as a disability under our country's charter of rights. But still, his alcohol abuse and lack of self-care caused his liver to fail, caused me to be widowed, caused our kids to lose their dad. And yeah, I am mad at him for that.

Don't misunderstand me - I'm so very sad and devastated that I lost him. But there's a tiny voice inside that whispers to me (and makes me feel incredibly guilty!) "at least he can't hurt you or the kids anymore". How terrible is that. He was a good man, but he struggled with his mental health. Those struggles caused him to act in ways that would push us away in order to subconsciously protect himself from being hurt by us (he always felt he wasn't good enough and that I would "realize that" and leave him). 

I wish I had something to offer you in terms of advice for lessening the anger. All I can do is commiserate and tell you I hear you. I'm walking the same path as you. 

Comment by Rzh895 on April 6, 2018 at 7:12am

My husband of 27 years died two months ago. We had many issues in our marriage, some that I now see related to his drinking that likely caused the cirrhosis of the liver that he died from. I am grieving his loss, but at the same time I am angry with him because it was his own behavior that caused his death.  I'd like to hear from others who are dealing with this and may have found some things that help lessen that anger. 

Comment by nayajivan on April 3, 2018 at 5:04am

The kids r just doing ok..

They r trying to adjust with the loss..

They r not yet opening up and sharing their thoughts..

I am myself not in position to help myself..

Feeling sad that my children have to face such loss..

Comment by familia1 on April 3, 2018 at 4:49am

I'm so sorry for your loss.   It is so difficult to process it all.  Have no choice but to put one foot in front of the other.  How are your children doing?

 

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