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Widowed in 2018

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Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

We are grateful you found us so soon after your loss, but until this group grows please feel free to also join the Widowed in 2017.

Members: 137
Latest Activity: Feb 9

Discussion Forum

Identity Crisis?

Started by sis. Last reply by My4pumpkins Feb 7. 3 Replies

I lost my husband March 18, 2018 from a cerebral aneurysm. We were together 49 years, married 43, with grown boys. I guess it's because of the holidays, but lately little things are smacking me in…Continue

Going out is so hard

Started by Kmelli3 (Kate). Last reply by My4pumpkins Feb 7. 4 Replies

Hi there, I'm fairly new to the site.  My name is Kate and I lost my husband of 20 years (Tom) to cardiac arrest on November 23rd at age 46.  I am so lost and devastated.  I have been asked to…Continue

Love is Like the Wind, You Can't See it But You Know It's There

Started by sis. Last reply by KJPE Jan 8. 4 Replies

I borrowed that quote from the movie "A Walk To Remember", but as I was washing dishes this morning, it felt so strong in my mind and heart. I was washing the sugar and creamer bowls, when I broke…Continue

Lost my wife last January

Started by randy61543. Last reply by sis Dec 21, 2018. 8 Replies

My wife and I were married on 09/15/2017. She passed on 01/05/2018. Even though we were only married those few short months, we were together for 10 years. She was the love of my life. We had that…Continue

Comment Wall


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Comment by LP on December 15, 2018 at 7:43am

First Christmas is hard for me too. I had to brave the crowds today in the town centre, and at one point t I felt that if one more person said something jolly to me, I would punch them.. of course the next person was the vicar in the church where I was buying some charity cards, and I’m not really that sort of person anyway, but I did burst into tears. 

It is horrible to be around people who are celebrating when I feel I have nothing to celebrate. The year anniversary is coming up in February  and I’m already dreading that. 

I guess if you’ve got kids or close relatives of your spouse then they will be feeling something similar, and perhaps it won’t be so bad if you’re  surrounded by those who are grieving your lost one too. 

Comment by Tekwriter on December 15, 2018 at 7:17am

I lost my wonderful husband in May. I had made some progress but have now backtracked and have lost it all. I am back to crying everyday. They holidays are really taking a toll.

Comment by LP on October 23, 2018 at 11:13pm

This is still so recent and so raw. It is only a matter of weeks. I’m at 9 months  and still feel as if I have had a layer of skin stripped off. You will go through a rollercoaster of emotion, but just keep hold of the idea that you will learn to live with it. There is no “getting over”. I think that we learn to “live around” our grief. But it is important to allow yourself to grieve - to scream, weep, get angry, have pity parties when you need to. The grief waves, as I call them, sneak up on you out of nowhere - I feel like someone has whacked me on the back of the knees with a baseball bat. But I’ve learned to go with it. You should not feel weak when this happens, or beat yourself up about it, or expect to “progress”. And please don’t listen to well-meaning but non-bereaved friends who tell you to “move on”. “Widowland” is unchartered territory for each of us here,  but we help each other muddle  through.

Comment by Morgana (Janet) on October 23, 2018 at 7:20pm

Bonky, you will get there  but understand the pity parties. This is still so new for you. It     just t

akes times and be gentle with yourself.

Comment by Bonky on October 23, 2018 at 7:05pm
I understand completely. My husband died on 9/11/18. I am a teacher and am now terrified at the thought of going back into the classroom. It just doesn’t fit with the whole “new normal” I keep hearing about. I’m definitely in anger right now. We have a senior in high school and a sophomore. There are so many milestones that he is supposed to be here for.  And it seems like the second I start feeling like “ok. I can do this. I have to do this for them “ it seems like something else sucker punches me out of nowhere and I’m right back where I started. 
     I have A LOT of pity parties these days. The thing is I don’t want to. I HATE crying but it sometimes feels like that is all I do. As my daughter said today when we were both complaining of headaches “I think my grief muscles are overworked “.   I just want a one day reprieve but it never comes. 
Comment by NLS2018 on October 23, 2018 at 6:53pm

Hi all, anyone.

I don't know where to even begin. This life I'm living now seems to be in nothing but a whirlwind. 3 months ago I lost my husband, and I almost don't even recognize myself anymore.

I think I've went through almost all of the stages of grief several times over. But this anger stage - I cannot seem to get passed it - UGGH... 

I'm just lost with it all. I know I have to keep living, but the million dollar question is "how"?? 

Comment by Dianne in Nevada on October 5, 2018 at 11:10am

Hope you'll join me in the chat room this Sunday.

Comment by Tonya on October 2, 2018 at 10:29am

I understand all to well, my BC was my compass now I feel that I’ve lost my way somehow. I keep trying to move in the direction that I think he would have wanted but so unsure of everything that I do. Only 4 months for me.

Comment by shellybean on October 2, 2018 at 7:28am

Nine months today. Trying to work on myself, "moving forward," reclaiming my life... But I'm also so very sad and lost; wandering without direction. I feel like two different people inside my body, trying to cohabitate but unable to make the same decisions. Like a two-headed animal both trying to control the body. 

Comment by riet on September 16, 2018 at 11:35am

Dear camB, I am very sorry for your loss. On such a young age, dead is totally baffling.

My experience is different: In April,  I lost my husband after a longtime illness. But I have the same dream: the whole night I try to text/call him and he doesn't answer.  Or I see him on a road a long distance before me. I call to him, very loud.  I see that he hears me, but he does not turn around and the distance between us gets bigger and bigger. And then he is gone.

After such a dream, I am completely broken.  For me, the mornings are worse as the evenings.

And another coincidence: his favorite tree in our garden is dying. It was a healthy strong conifer, and now he's loosing all color.  This never happened before. The tree does not seem to want to live anymore.

This makes me sad.  My husband liked this tree so much.

I am very well supported.  So many people drop in to see if i'm ok.

But no one and nothing can replace my husband. My best friend and the love of my life.

I was able to empty his wardrobe this week.  I was helped by a neighbor who works in a charity organization.

I kept the clothes he liked  most. I will keep them forever. And that feels good.  

But we should still be together.


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