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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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Widowed in 2018

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Members: 166
Latest Activity: on Friday

Discussion Forum

Hard day, Our Anniversary

Started by Mrs Bear. Last reply by Mrs Bear on Friday. 4 Replies

Bill died 4/14/18, I must have been on autopilot last year. Our anniversary  is today.  Its hitting me so hard today. I heard 2nd occurrence is bad but I still wasn't prepared.   This day was special…Continue

Anxiety/panic attacks

Started by Julie. Last reply by Mrs Bear on Thursday. 8 Replies

i have been having panic attacks out of no where. Any advise on this subject? It is not fun at all. JulieContinue

Losing the Love of my Life.

Started by Patra24. Last reply by Patra24 May 1. 8 Replies

Hi, I'm new to this site, I Lost the Love of my Life, my Amazing Husband on July 10, 2018 to Lung Cancer there's not a day that goes by that I don't cry at some point I feel it's getting worse than…Continue

Identity Crisis?

Started by sis. Last reply by BillDrums Apr 12. 15 Replies

I lost my husband March 18, 2018 from a cerebral aneurysm. We were together 49 years, married 43, with grown boys. I guess it's because of the holidays, but lately little things are smacking me in…Continue

Comment Wall

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Comment by KJPE on January 16, 2019 at 6:13pm

I'm so sorry to hear about illness (your cold, June 15) and your broken hip (Riet).  These insults to our bodies make our grieving even more difficult and make us so much more vulnerable to believing that we will never feel better or find a moment of happiness again...I go in & out of the worst despair.  I'll be okay for a few days, and then get desperate-crazy-devastated because of how much I want to hold my husband in my arms, just tell him something simple about my day, etc.  I have many tears and sobs before I rest... My thought, Riet, is that we do go back to the worst grief but then we swing out & get a little normal, and then go back again.  I think of healing as a zig zag.  Sharing experiences with all of you is so incredibly helpful:  I am eternally grateful.

Comment by riet on January 13, 2019 at 12:50pm

June,

I recognize your story. My husband died on April 20, 2018. I do not feel any progress since then. I miss him every moment. I can not believe that he is no longer there, and will never be there again. I also do not feel him near now. I am now recovering myself after a broken hip. And on some days I can only cry or look lethargically outside. It seems so cruel that things happen that he can no longer experience. The days are already visible longer. I can not bear this. Things are changing and he is not coming back. This is such a pain. How can you endure that for years? I thought I had already taken a few steps forward. On the contrary, I am back where I was when he died.

Comment by June 15 on January 13, 2019 at 9:26am

The holidays have been so hard. I got a cold Thanksgiving week and still haven’t recovered. I’m sure the grief is slowing the healing process. Feeling tired has brought back the crying periods. There have been lots of tears.

folks keep telling me they feel their loved one near them. I don’t, 

Comment by HockeyDogs on January 13, 2019 at 8:37am

I can relate to what a lot of you are saying. I lost my partner of 25+ year last May. She sustained a catastrophic brain injury in a bike crash while training for her 2nd Ironman. She died 21 hours after impact. Truly the love of my life. It was a normal Wednesday night until it wasn't. In some ways, time has stood still since the moment I got the phone call. In other ways, time is speeding by in a way that frightens me. Despite having made significant progress on getting getting my feet back under me, the one word that most captures my post-Annie experience so far is: disorientation. There isn't an aspect of life that hasn't changed. I'm at peace with her passing but I hate her absence, if that makes any sense at all.

Comment by foundationoft on December 15, 2018 at 11:14am

LP--Christmas coming has been hard for me too. My amazing husband and father to our 8 children passed away at the age of 44 this past March.  He battled an aggressive NET cancer.  I have recently begun to ask God "what" questions about our life not working together the way I had planned.  At the beginning I focused on the "why" type questions (Why him?, Why do our kids have to grow up without their daddy?)  but they left me frustrated and lonely.  I began to seek after the "what" questions (What do you want me to do with the short of amount of life I have left here?  What do you want my life to look like now? What do you want to teach me through this terrible storm?  What do you want me to be for my kids?)  and these types of questions are good- I am getting answers and less frustrations.  I'm planning to celebrate my husband this Christmas with the kids.  We will do a balloon release too as Christmas was his bday too.  And mine.  It will be hard and we will cry, and feel every feeling we have and share it as a family.  The truth is:  YOU DO HAVE THINGS TO CELEBRATE!  WE ALL DO!  Even when it doesn't look like it, things will get better, God loves you incredibly well.  If you want some encouragement please find our family blog and read it at www.thecrucifiedway.com.    Much love and prayers to you all as we face these new holidays without our loved ones.  

Comment by LP on December 15, 2018 at 7:43am

First Christmas is hard for me too. I had to brave the crowds today in the town centre, and at one point t I felt that if one more person said something jolly to me, I would punch them.. of course the next person was the vicar in the church where I was buying some charity cards, and I’m not really that sort of person anyway, but I did burst into tears. 

It is horrible to be around people who are celebrating when I feel I have nothing to celebrate. The year anniversary is coming up in February  and I’m already dreading that. 

I guess if you’ve got kids or close relatives of your spouse then they will be feeling something similar, and perhaps it won’t be so bad if you’re  surrounded by those who are grieving your lost one too. 

Comment by Tekwriter on December 15, 2018 at 7:17am

I lost my wonderful husband in May. I had made some progress but have now backtracked and have lost it all. I am back to crying everyday. They holidays are really taking a toll.

Comment by LP on October 23, 2018 at 11:13pm

This is still so recent and so raw. It is only a matter of weeks. I’m at 9 months  and still feel as if I have had a layer of skin stripped off. You will go through a rollercoaster of emotion, but just keep hold of the idea that you will learn to live with it. There is no “getting over”. I think that we learn to “live around” our grief. But it is important to allow yourself to grieve - to scream, weep, get angry, have pity parties when you need to. The grief waves, as I call them, sneak up on you out of nowhere - I feel like someone has whacked me on the back of the knees with a baseball bat. But I’ve learned to go with it. You should not feel weak when this happens, or beat yourself up about it, or expect to “progress”. And please don’t listen to well-meaning but non-bereaved friends who tell you to “move on”. “Widowland” is unchartered territory for each of us here,  but we help each other muddle  through.

Comment by Morgana (Janet) on October 23, 2018 at 7:20pm

Bonky, you will get there  but understand the pity parties. This is still so new for you. It     just t

akes times and be gentle with yourself.

Comment by Bonky on October 23, 2018 at 7:05pm
I understand completely. My husband died on 9/11/18. I am a teacher and am now terrified at the thought of going back into the classroom. It just doesn’t fit with the whole “new normal” I keep hearing about. I’m definitely in anger right now. We have a senior in high school and a sophomore. There are so many milestones that he is supposed to be here for.  And it seems like the second I start feeling like “ok. I can do this. I have to do this for them “ it seems like something else sucker punches me out of nowhere and I’m right back where I started. 
     I have A LOT of pity parties these days. The thing is I don’t want to. I HATE crying but it sometimes feels like that is all I do. As my daughter said today when we were both complaining of headaches “I think my grief muscles are overworked “.   I just want a one day reprieve but it never comes. 
 

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