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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Widowed in 2018

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Members: 184
Latest Activity: Oct 21

Discussion Forum

New to the Group

Started by kk24. Last reply by shebert56 Oct 21. 10 Replies

Hi Everyone,I am new to the group and the site. I lost my wife 12/12/18 to lung cancer. We were together 28 years (over half my life) and I feel so lost without her. We found out in May that she had…Continue

Wedding rings

Started by Kris63. Last reply by shebert56 Oct 21. 10 Replies

Comment by Kris63 39 seconds agoDelete CommentIs anyone else out…Continue

Tags: rules, Rings

Sucks to meet like this...

Started by Blessed Hot Mess Oct 21. 0 Replies

Howdy folks... first post here... my husband past very unexpectedly at age of 37 on 12/7/18. He was an electrician and while pulling wire he tore a blood vessel in his heart. Unfortunately the ER…Continue

Moving Forward

Started by Margie. Last reply by GKinSD Sep 24. 1 Reply

   This is my first post to the group! I lost the love of my life February 11, 2018 to colon cancer. My husband and I would have celebrated 30 years together last June. It would be an unforgettable…Continue

Comment Wall

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Comment by Claire on October 19, 2019 at 8:54am

GKinSD I don't think grief is a straight line. It's more like tangled necklaces in a jewelry box.  Some of the knots are easy to untangle. And there are others that are almost impossible.  Sadly we all have to get used to this new normal without our loved ones.  It's definitely not an easy road.  Hugs to you during this difficult time.  

Comment by Eddiemoney on October 19, 2019 at 8:35am

GKinSD I so empathize with you. It has been almost 10mon since I lost my husband. I too have seen a therapist, changed my medications, etc. I have a history of depression but my new provider informed me that some antidepressants can make things worse. Waking up daily without our loved one is horrible. Each day is sad and lonely. I stopped working last November when my husband was placed on hospice. Up until then we both thought he would beat the cancer. Surviving is what I would call my life also. Like you I just pine for my old life, which I know will never be. It will be a changed life that none of us had ever planned for. My fur babies help, but when you have no family left, life is very lonely. Hang in there. Life will continue to be bumpy, but they say we do get through it (only wish the sinking feeling would go away to)

Comment by GKinSD on October 19, 2019 at 7:54am

It’s been a few months since I’ve posted. I wish I could say I’m in a better place,  but I feel worse. I’m doing all the things I think I should be doing...meeting with a therapist, meditation, allowing myself to grieve, etc. I’ve also started taking an antidepressant, something that was recommended by my GP and therapist. Honestly, I think the medication has worsened my grief. I hate the sinking feeling I get when I think of my situation. It’s like a freefall that never seems to end. When I read that grief sometimes takes years to soften, I get discouraged and wonder what’s the point?  It all seems like it’s too much. But I wake up each day, do what i need to get done, and survive another day without him.  I miss having joy in my life. I miss having something to look forward to. I miss falling asleep next to him. I miss listening to him sleep at night. I miss waking up next to him. I miss my old life. 

Comment by Kris63 on October 7, 2019 at 9:48pm

Dear GK in SD- Grief is exhausting and I am not surprised by your napping. I think it is quite normal from things I have read. Maybe it is a way to shut off the sadness for a while. I, too, have tried to do a few things my husband and I used to do. I started with good intentions and fond memories of such happy times but it was also harder than I imagined and I ended up sad, drained, and down the rabbit hole of missing him terribly.  I think this will go on indefinitely. 

 Peace to all.

Comment by Claire on September 24, 2019 at 10:02am

GKinSD, I understand completely.  On our anniversary this month I just stayed home.  My dogs do seem to notice when I'm down.  They get extra attentive to me.  So they keep me occupied.  We all just get thru those days however we can.  

Comment by GKinSD on September 23, 2019 at 4:09pm

So today was one of those triggers I keep reading about, my husbands birthday. I had planned to get out of the house and do something “meaningful”. Instead I just stayed home and slept. I’m trying to not beat myself up over this. I get through the tough days hour by hour. Sometimes minute by minute. I got through today by napping. I got through a tough day. I’ll take it as a win. I miss you Steve. Happy Birthday my love. 

Comment by Claire on September 22, 2019 at 8:04am

Dear GKinSD     I think you did well by making the reservation, driving there and doing anything or nothing.  And then the next time you plan/take a trip it will get a "little" better or easier(hopefully).  Possibly arrange something in advance, sightseeing trip or activity so you have an event on your calendar.    I agree with you, we have to keep moving.    My resentment when I see couples is if they are bickering over something trivial/unimportant.  I want to go over and tell them to stop it and just enjoy each other.    Take care, this is one of the most difficult life events I have had to deal with.   

Comment by LP on September 22, 2019 at 5:32am

Dear GKinSD  - Please don't say "even after 9 months" - this suggests that you think you shouldn't be as affected at this stage as you were earlier. But 9 months is early days still!!! Give yourself some leeway. I'm at 19 months, and if someone queries why my heart is still aching, I ask them why they think it should take any less time to heal from losing the person whom I loved more than anything for over 23 years? 

I have been reading everybody's contributions with interest and empathy, although I have been a bit too busy lately to post much (the start of the academic year, etc.). 

I was wondering what to do on my 60th birthday. Chris would have made a fuss of me. I knew I didn't want to "celebrate" with other people, so instead I booked a table for just myself at a restaurant where he had taken me on my 40th. It is one of London's best Italian restaurants, the River Cafe (where Jamie Oliver started). It was a hot, sunny, day and I got a table for one out in their garden overlooking the Thames. I had a photo of C smiling at me on the table, and the staff brought out a dish of roasted almond ice cream with a candle in it (you can guess what my wish was). I never know how these things are going to affect me, but it turned out to be a gentle, happy way to mark the day. 

However, this month sees our 20th wedding anniversary. I've book the day to volunteer at the National Trust gardens at Angelsey Abbey, and I have a mini-bottle of champagne in the fridge for after. Next month is his birthday - that is really hard. I used to love autumn. Now I dread it.

Comment by GKinSD on September 22, 2019 at 4:58am

Tomorrow would have been my husband’s 58th birthday. Often, we would spend a week on the central coast of California in a small town called Cambria to celebrate. I packed up the car, the dog and some of Steves ashes yesterday and made the trip up the coast. I plan to scatter some of his ashes at a favorite spot where we would sit and talk, on a grassy knoll under a giant pine tree overlooking the Pacific Ocean. So many summer days were spent under that tree.  It’s still hard for me to accept the fact that he is gone, even 9 months after cancer took the love of my life away. I hate that I am feeling numb and vacant in a place that used to bring us so much joy. I hate that I drove 5 hours to get here and the only thing I want to do is turn around, go home and get into bed and take a nap. I hate that I feel resentment when I come across a happy couple on the street or dining at a restaurant. Vacationing alone sucks. I rented a house for 3 nights with an ocean view. I hate that I’ve holed myself up in the bedroom yesterday. Today I will try to get into town. Go sightseeing. Take a walk on the beach. Do something other than lie in bed. I’ve got to keep moving. Steve would have wanted me to enjoy this trip. It’s just so damn hard. 

Comment by Babycakes1993 on September 6, 2019 at 1:16pm

Our two young children were with me as well. My daughter is more vocal as she is 3. My son who was 1 1/2 hasnt expressed much other than he misses daddy. 

 

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