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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Widowed in 2018

We're so sorry you have a reason to join us. Please get acquainted here and make friends anywhere on the site.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

We are grateful you found us so soon after your loss, but until this group grows please feel free to also join the Widowed in 2017.

Members: 159
Latest Activity: on Tuesday

Discussion Forum

Identity Crisis?

Started by sis. Last reply by BillDrums Apr 12. 15 Replies

I lost my husband March 18, 2018 from a cerebral aneurysm. We were together 49 years, married 43, with grown boys. I guess it's because of the holidays, but lately little things are smacking me in…Continue

Losing the Love of my Life.

Started by Patra24. Last reply by KJPE Apr 1. 1 Reply

Hi, I'm new to this site, I Lost the Love of my Life, my Amazing Husband on July 10, 2018 to Lung Cancer there's not a day that goes by that I don't cry at some point I feel it's getting worse than…Continue

New to this group and site

Started by Heidi57. Last reply by Heidi57 Mar 29. 2 Replies

My husband of 42 yrs passed away on Sept 22/18. (age 64), due to heart & dialysis complications (long story.) We met July 3, 1974 the day before my 17th birthday.  Our first date was in August…Continue

Going out is so hard

Started by Kmelli3 (Kate). Last reply by LP Mar 29. 8 Replies

Hi there, I'm fairly new to the site.  My name is Kate and I lost my husband of 20 years (Tom) to cardiac arrest on November 23rd at age 46.  I am so lost and devastated.  I have been asked to…Continue

Comment Wall

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You need to be a member of Widowed in 2018 to add comments!

Comment by Dianne in Nevada on April 14, 2019 at 9:52am

Hello! I'm the Widowed Village Administrator and I'll be hosting a chat hour this Friday to answer your questions and introduce you to our chat room. Hope you'll join me.

5pm Pacific; 6pm Mountain; 7pm Central; 8pm Eastern

http://widowedvillage.org/events/hosted-chat-hour-for-our-new-membe...

Comment by Kris63 on March 28, 2019 at 12:25pm

Hi all. I just joined this site. I am sorry we are all here. I lost my husband June 2, and it still feels so raw and unbelievable to me. Sometimes I can’t fathom this is now my life. 

Comment by Roxi on March 26, 2019 at 1:56am

Ciao the book of Joan didion is great...and really helping about the strange feelings i had in the first time of my loss...about the return and no accept the dead of your love...i read it and i breathe a sigh of relief...i'm not so out of mind...even a great writer had this magical thinking...it's a book that can help to see in your mind and recognizin that in front  of the mystery your feelings are not wrong...thank you kjpe ciao roxi

Comment by KJPE on March 25, 2019 at 8:47pm

thanks, Heidi57 for the book suggestion.  I'm sorry you had to fight tears so much on your holiday.  I have a book suggestion too - The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion.  It is a memoir of her year that her husband died, and I loved it so much I read it twice in a row, crying periodically with her but also laughing.  It is an awesome book, different from the rest (I too am reading lots of books about loss, mourning, and also have one with wonderful daily thoughts).  I fight tears less often these days.  I cry every time I'm in an airport (something about this triggers my memories & yearings), and I hold my hand to my face which looks like I'm coughing...but guess what, yesterday I peeked around & not a single person was looking at me.  We are not nearly as noticeable as we think we are.  

I'm in my 60s too, and my husband was just about to turn 70 when he died.  I have been furious that he died at what I now think of as such a young age, still very vital and full of life and plans.  I'll friend you, Heidi.

Comment by Heidi57 on March 13, 2019 at 7:14pm

I have a wonderful book by Martha W. Hickman "Healing After a Loss" with daily meditations for working through grief.  I started it on January 1/19.  I cry thru each one but feel a bit better after reading them.  I'm just back from a week with good friends in the sun in Mesa, AZ and I had taken the book with me.  I wanted to share one that spoke to me.  

"....... we'll be having a genuinely wonderful time, freed at last from that continual background music of sadness.  Then we remember, and it feels like dropping through a trapdoor - a much more sudden and upsetting shift than when sadness was our prevailing mood."  

I had gone for this visit because my husband made me promise to visit these friends and with my kids pushing me to go and get some sun (instead of minus 50 with the wind and 3 feet of snow) so off I went. It was yet another first, travelling/flying alone, and while I did it without any glitches I had to fight tears the whole way.  Once there I put on a smiling face with our friends and joined in with their activities but the night of the pot luck and sitting around the fire pit broke me.  My husband and I had so enjoyed sitting around the fire pit in our backyard or when camping and we could sit and talk for hours. Even though I was surrounded by people I felt so alone and had to make my excuses to my friends so I could leave.  I walked back to their mobile home (there are in a mobile home park) crying so hard I could hardly breathe.  Once I settled down for the night I picked up my book and the daily meditation was the one noted above.  It helped me keep my head above water and I didn't beat myself up when I found myself smiling and laughing along.  It was a good week in the sun but also a very long week as there were so many times I felt alone.  

I'm in the group "widowed in 2018" but could also be in the group "born in the '50s in case you want to have someone in their 60's to talk to.  :o)  

Comment by KJPE on January 23, 2019 at 11:52am

I'm glad you posted despite the discrepancy in the group name & your experiences.  Post where your support people are!

Comment by KJPE on January 23, 2019 at 11:43am

Hi Bonky, a 1 day reprieve sounds like heaven...!   Going out of town can provide a reprieve, when you are not surrounded by things & places that constantly remind you of the person you've lost.  Everything in the house reminds me - of all the little daily things that I miss most of all.  The time we hung that picture, or the time we bought that table, or the time we sat on that couch & watched our favorite show .... being out of town can offer a short reprieve.

Comment by KJPE on January 21, 2019 at 8:17pm

Dear Amhjm,  My heart hurts for you and the pain you are going through.  My husband died just a couple of weeks before yours did, so we are at the same place in our grief.  Holidays of course do not carry the same joys; at the very best, the joy is balanced by grief & sadness.  As for accepting your husbands' parents' offer and other offers, I would try it out & see if it is a comfort for you.  The first month I stayed with friends a couple of times & did find comfort although I found that I quickly wanted to be home, even though coming home then & now so often brings tears and sorrow because my husband isn't here. I have found my best hope comes when I am with other people that I love.  No one else can provide what my husband did but sometimes I feel comfort knowing that all of my love didn't die with him.

Although I buried my husband & didn't scatter ashes, I know with certainty that scattering will not bring you closure....any more than the funeral did for me.  The relief is having one especially painful set of "to dos" all done.  Please don't hold back tears during any rituals - I certainly haven't.  And keep writing here:  and I'll keep writing back.  I check this page most days.

Comment by Amhjm85 on January 21, 2019 at 6:45pm

Thank you so much June 15. It's so hard to imagine a better time ahead, when all I can do is put one foot in front of the other. I'm trying to practice gratitude for the time I had with my husband and the love that I felt for him and he had for me. But still the waves of sadness crash over me constantly. I thank you so much for giving me some hope and I hope to hear more words of wisdom from people like us. Thank you!

Comment by June 15 on January 21, 2019 at 6:22pm

Amhjm85, I understand that hopeless feeling. I’m only at the 7 month point. It does get better. I remember the first few months were almost a blur of numbness. The next few the pain really hit. 

Be kind to yourself and try some things and give yourself permission to change your mind.

All the first are hard, birthday, anniversary, holidays...

You are wise to know the 23rd won’t bring the closure your friends hope for. You will be amazed at what you can just get though.

So many brave women & men have traveled this road before us & they are still standing.

Sending hugs and hope!

 

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