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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Widowed in 2019

We're so sorry you have a reason to join us. Please get acquainted here and make friends anywhere on the site.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

We are grateful you found us so soon after your loss, but until this group grows please feel free to also join the Widowed in 2018.

Members: 172
Latest Activity: Jul 5

Discussion Forum

Not all here

Started by CvilleSarah. Last reply by CvilleSarah Jun 27. 5 Replies

Not to be weird, but does anyone ever feel like part of your soul is already in heaven, or something? Ever since my Joey died, I kind of feel like I’m “not all here.” Like maybe the best part of my…Continue

Hello

Started by MattsMom. Last reply by Jerzgirl Jun 16. 5 Replies

Just joined the site and this group. I wish it didn't have to exist. My husband died 8/1/2019 after an almost seven battle with glioblastoma multiforme (GBM). He was 69 and we were 7 weeks shy of our…Continue

just joining

Started by julieb. Last reply by Helen May 31. 10 Replies

Hi all, Just joining the group. I've read many of the posts on here and it seems we all have a lot of the same feelings. I'm very sorry that any of us need to be here. I never could have imagined…Continue

365th Day Without You

Started by Pooh898. Last reply by Mama Mary May 7. 7 Replies

Yesterday marked the 365th day without my husband. I miss him beyond words but, this loneliness is almost unbearable. My ROCK is gone and I’m left all alone it seems with no sense of purpose. My…Continue

Comment Wall

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Comment by Hilda on July 3, 2020 at 10:18am
I feel the same way. I don't have children and I've been furloughed from work since April - I *literally* have no reason to get out of bed in the morning. David did in February 2019, two days after turning 50. It was completely unexpected. I've been empty since then. 
I don't want to kill myself and I won't, but I just don't want to live anymore. There's no point. Looking at a long future without him physically hurts. 
Comment by Carol E on July 3, 2020 at 9:23am

Hi Everyone - My husband passed away a little over a year ago, and I hate to tell you all, but it doesn't get much better with time, even though that's what people tell me. When Tom was alive, I felt like I was basically happy all the time. I felt such joy just being together no matter what we were doing. Now I'm never really happy. I just feel relief when the pain is less. The Covid lock downs just amplify the pain, I think, since we're more isolated than ever. I have found that grief share groups and/or getting together with people who are suffering the way we are does help because at least they understand. Our church has a grief share group that, of course, hasn't been able to meet for several months. I'm hoping in the fall we can get back together but who knows. Getting a grief counselor can also help and often medicare will help pay the costs. 

I wish I could say that the pain goes away with time, but it doesn't. I think it is less severe, though. I'm praying for all of us. 

Comment by Riskybiz on July 3, 2020 at 7:51am

CvilleSarah,

It's been almost seven months for me since my love of 47 years have passed and I get you.  Why do I wake up?  Why am I here?  I don't want to be here, I want to be with Rick.  I am so empty and done.  What's the point?  There is nothing on this earth for me.  Just take me God the pain is constant, there is no joy.  Nothing left for me.  I died the day Rick did.  Yes I love my children but I don't live for them.  They have their own lives as is should be.  My heart and soul belong to Rick, always have and always will.  I want this pain to stop. I want the crying and sadness to stop.  Everyday I say "I don't want to do this anymore".  I don't want to do this anymore.  And, you are right I am only a shell.  I died when Rick did and I just want all of this to end.  Enough!  I am so tired of everything.  Just take me and let me be with Rick.  It is where I belong.  

Comment by CvilleSarah on July 3, 2020 at 6:58am

I woke up this morning, as I do every morning, so mad that I’m left here to suffer all alone without the love of my life. I just feel DONE, and so so tired. So tired of fighting and clawing my way through every day for nothing, because there’s no one and nothing here I want more than him. I’m in so much pain, and suffering so badly every minute of every day, and all I want is to be with my sweetheart where I belong. I don’t know how else to explain to people how it feels when your soulmate who you love more than life itself is gone...other than, it kind of feels like my soul/spirt already left with him, and the shell left here on Earth is just waiting to get to where he is. Nothing new, just putting it out there because I knew you’d understand...sigh

Comment by Nursie on June 6, 2020 at 11:32am

Just joined the village and this group today.  My loss will be 1 year on Monday, June 8.  We retired early, when we both were 60 in an effort to travel / enjoy our lives since kids all grown; and we did for 6 years, visiting various countries.  Then, life came to a screeching hault!  We were on vacation in the Philippines (middle son lives there) and he got an ear infection and by the next day, he expired.  Ear infection, caused by an infected mosquito that got into his ear and infection travelled to his brain.  It was dengue fever.  All happened within 12 hours of going into the emergency room.  Next few days will be difficult-emotions running wild.  Really don’t know what to expect or how I will react.  I just know I miss him every single day.  He would always say, remember “ just you and me, kid”.  

Comment by pokerflat on May 30, 2020 at 6:51pm

" Then you do the next thing" yes I have days where that's what I have to do to get through the day........ My wife passed away just over 5 months ago.... and  not a moment goes by that I don't miss her.

Comment by Jeaniegurl on May 30, 2020 at 9:27am

I am finding this site very confusing and so difficult to negotiate as well.

My darling suddenly died in our kitchen of V Fib last May 7, 2019. I am bereft.

I have some widow friends from my FB groups. I find talking to them around my dinner time, PST, helps me in that social aspect.

We were both together since our senior year of high school in San Francisco.

huge hugs to all,

Jeanie

Comment by CvilleSarah on May 29, 2020 at 3:45pm

Has anyone done the weekly Zoom meetings that Dianne posted on here about? I have done the past 3, and like them pretty good. I was also thinking, since meal times are one of the most lonely (like every other time isn’t too, but...) what if there was like a weekly supper club or something via zoom, where everyone could fix their own plate and then meet while eating dinner at like 7 or 7:30 or something here on the east coast. Maybe Eastern Time and Central Time folks could both fit it in. Would anyone be interested?

Comment by Groundhog43 on May 27, 2020 at 3:28pm

My Peggy passed away on 22 January 2019.

She had suffered for 10 years after a stroke.  Her diagnosis was vascular dementia.

She received excellent care here at Westminster Canterbury for the last 3 years of her life.

I was forced to place her as caring for her at home became no longer an option. It was one of the most difficult decisions I was ever forced into making.

Luckily I still live here where the folks and staff gather around and support me.

Comment by ChillPenguin on May 21, 2020 at 3:21am

It's been a year and ten days since I Rakesh didn't wake up. Sometimes, I think I'm lucky. I was spared from having to suffer through a long illness. He simply didn't wake up. He wanted me to come down to the family room (where he slept because he had flu-like symptoms--which turned out to be the flu--and didn't want to make me sick) in the morning to make sure he got up by 6 to get ready for his 7 am shift. Of course, I know it's not lucky. He was 49 years old and didn't believe in taking time off when he didn't feel well so that his days off could be enjoyed in good health. But he lived that philosophy, and so I learned from him how to suck every morsel of living out of every single day. He sometimes worked evening shifts, which gave my introverted self a chance to regroup and be up for whatever social outing his extroverted self wanted to enjoy when he was home. We cherished the almost 25-years we had together as best friends, partners, parents, children to our parents. 

Grief is curious to me. What once felt overwhelming and heavy, like a giant suitcase filled with rocks, gradually grew lighter and lighter until now the grief feels more like a purse that I do manage to set down at times. I'm lucky because I am not burdened by all sorts of future plans for trips we were going to take because he insisted on making time to live fully. My youngest was 12, so even he got to benefit from lots of attention and guidance that my husband instilled in all of them with great intention (as well as impromptu trips for ice cream). My eldest headed off to college in the fall, the same college my husband had attended for 8 years, and he has grown into quite a mature young man. My middle one turned 15 the day my husband died, and while I tried to make him feel better that day by pointing out that he now has this unbreakable connection to his dad, he pointed out that because everyone was so focused on trying to make his birthday happy, he felt like the day wasn't as horrible as it otherwise would have been. Indeed, I am constantly in awe at the resilience of my boys.

I'm also lucky because I am surrounded by loved ones who want to help, best friends of my husband's since they were five-years-old and who live within five miles of us; they have been our lifeline. 

(https://twitter.com/Lunarbaboon/status/1206059061600563200/photo/1

As long as I keep busy, I am fine. I used to be a writer, but delving deeply into emotions isn't something I am up for yet. Soon, I hope. But it's okay because I work fulltime and that keeps me busy. It is, after all, the downtimes when I notice my loneliness. 

But I can't let myself think about what could have or should have been true for me now, or I will just lose it. I moved last weekend to a smaller home in my neighborhood. I returned to the old house yesterday, where the photos still hang on the walls waiting for me to get them, and even though we only lived there for six years, I can't help thinking about how glad I am that he got to end his life having achieved all his dreams--working at a job he loved and was great at, devoting time and attention to his family, making time for his hobbies--and had reached a peace I had never witnessed in him before. I have to focus on how he got to go out on top, abruptly (like he would have liked it, instead of ever feeling like he was a burden to anyone).

I've gotten good at recognizing my limits and being kind to myself. Finally. The best advice I ever received was from a friend who told me to "be the kind of friend to yourself that you would be to your friends." 

Anyhow, enough rambling. It does get better, but it's just not the same. 

 

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