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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Widowed in 2019

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We are grateful you found us so soon after your loss, but until this group grows please feel free to also join the Widowed in 2018.

Members: 178
Latest Activity: Sep 11

Discussion Forum

Lost my Husband snd Son

Started by jrs5369. Last reply by Lisa Sep 9. 2 Replies

Hi Everyone, I just joined this group . I lost my son 1/4/2019 and my husband on 2/25/2019 and I am trying to move on with my life. My husband and I would have celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary…Continue

Not all here

Started by CvilleSarah. Last reply by Borntobehappy Jul 15. 6 Replies

Not to be weird, but does anyone ever feel like part of your soul is already in heaven, or something? Ever since my Joey died, I kind of feel like I’m “not all here.” Like maybe the best part of my…Continue

Hello

Started by MattsMom. Last reply by Jerzgirl Jun 16. 5 Replies

Just joined the site and this group. I wish it didn't have to exist. My husband died 8/1/2019 after an almost seven battle with glioblastoma multiforme (GBM). He was 69 and we were 7 weeks shy of our…Continue

just joining

Started by julieb. Last reply by Helen May 31. 10 Replies

Hi all, Just joining the group. I've read many of the posts on here and it seems we all have a lot of the same feelings. I'm very sorry that any of us need to be here. I never could have imagined…Continue

Comment Wall

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Comment by Lisa on August 20, 2020 at 10:37am

Hi all, I haven't posted here in a little while, and I just wanted to check in and see how everyone is doing.

I have noticed over the last month or so that as the grief becomes less painful, it has become easier for me to feel like Rick's presence is with me on a day to day basis. I still can't imagine him in Heaven or anything, having a great time like everyone is always saying, or even looking out over me from above. But it's easier to imagine him beside me on the couch watching TV, or riding with me in the car, and really feel like I can still connect with him in those moments even though I am missing him so badly at the same time.

I've also started visiting the cemetery a few times a week, just for a few minutes each time, and it has started to feel like a place where I can talk to him just like we used to do every day, telling news and things I want to share with him, and how much I love and miss him, even though I know he is not "there".

Both of those things have been comforting to me, and I hope you all are also finding new ways of finding comfort as we learn to unwillingly live without our partners in life. I feel like what helps me most to survive is doing something to actively recognize my loss--talking with others about it, doing special things to remember him, visiting the grave, sharing with you all here. What are you all finding in these days to help get through?

Comment by edj9 on July 18, 2020 at 8:52am

Hi all, my husband, Chuck died in Dec 2019. I’ve been in therapy for years, and I’m in both a weekly and a monthly grief group, but I’m finding that I need some contact with enlightened minds to get me through the week. I was on Lexapro for a while before he died to help me cope, but stopped a few months after because I felt my grief was being artificially blocked. Lo and behold, about 2 months after I stopped I began crying every day, as opposed to maybe once a week before. Cathartic as that is, without the Lexapro, I’m having a hard time functioning. I just don’t car that I’m living in an unmitigated mess, sleeping on the floor, or bathing once a week. I asked my psychiatrist to give me something, and he recommended Bupropion, which is supposed to elevate mood and energy levels, rather than just clamp them to an even medium. I just took my first on yesterday, it takes a while to load up, so I’ll keep anyone who’s interested posted.

Comment by Hilda on July 3, 2020 at 10:18am
I feel the same way. I don't have children and I've been furloughed from work since April - I *literally* have no reason to get out of bed in the morning. David did in February 2019, two days after turning 50. It was completely unexpected. I've been empty since then. 
I don't want to kill myself and I won't, but I just don't want to live anymore. There's no point. Looking at a long future without him physically hurts. 
Comment by Carol E on July 3, 2020 at 9:23am

Hi Everyone - My husband passed away a little over a year ago, and I hate to tell you all, but it doesn't get much better with time, even though that's what people tell me. When Tom was alive, I felt like I was basically happy all the time. I felt such joy just being together no matter what we were doing. Now I'm never really happy. I just feel relief when the pain is less. The Covid lock downs just amplify the pain, I think, since we're more isolated than ever. I have found that grief share groups and/or getting together with people who are suffering the way we are does help because at least they understand. Our church has a grief share group that, of course, hasn't been able to meet for several months. I'm hoping in the fall we can get back together but who knows. Getting a grief counselor can also help and often medicare will help pay the costs. 

I wish I could say that the pain goes away with time, but it doesn't. I think it is less severe, though. I'm praying for all of us. 

Comment by Riskybiz on July 3, 2020 at 7:51am

CvilleSarah,

It's been almost seven months for me since my love of 47 years have passed and I get you.  Why do I wake up?  Why am I here?  I don't want to be here, I want to be with Rick.  I am so empty and done.  What's the point?  There is nothing on this earth for me.  Just take me God the pain is constant, there is no joy.  Nothing left for me.  I died the day Rick did.  Yes I love my children but I don't live for them.  They have their own lives as is should be.  My heart and soul belong to Rick, always have and always will.  I want this pain to stop. I want the crying and sadness to stop.  Everyday I say "I don't want to do this anymore".  I don't want to do this anymore.  And, you are right I am only a shell.  I died when Rick did and I just want all of this to end.  Enough!  I am so tired of everything.  Just take me and let me be with Rick.  It is where I belong.  

Comment by CvilleSarah on July 3, 2020 at 6:58am

I woke up this morning, as I do every morning, so mad that I’m left here to suffer all alone without the love of my life. I just feel DONE, and so so tired. So tired of fighting and clawing my way through every day for nothing, because there’s no one and nothing here I want more than him. I’m in so much pain, and suffering so badly every minute of every day, and all I want is to be with my sweetheart where I belong. I don’t know how else to explain to people how it feels when your soulmate who you love more than life itself is gone...other than, it kind of feels like my soul/spirt already left with him, and the shell left here on Earth is just waiting to get to where he is. Nothing new, just putting it out there because I knew you’d understand...sigh

Comment by Nursie on June 6, 2020 at 11:32am

Just joined the village and this group today.  My loss will be 1 year on Monday, June 8.  We retired early, when we both were 60 in an effort to travel / enjoy our lives since kids all grown; and we did for 6 years, visiting various countries.  Then, life came to a screeching hault!  We were on vacation in the Philippines (middle son lives there) and he got an ear infection and by the next day, he expired.  Ear infection, caused by an infected mosquito that got into his ear and infection travelled to his brain.  It was dengue fever.  All happened within 12 hours of going into the emergency room.  Next few days will be difficult-emotions running wild.  Really don’t know what to expect or how I will react.  I just know I miss him every single day.  He would always say, remember “ just you and me, kid”.  

Comment by pokerflat on May 30, 2020 at 6:51pm

" Then you do the next thing" yes I have days where that's what I have to do to get through the day........ My wife passed away just over 5 months ago.... and  not a moment goes by that I don't miss her.

Comment by Jeaniegurl on May 30, 2020 at 9:27am

I am finding this site very confusing and so difficult to negotiate as well.

My darling suddenly died in our kitchen of V Fib last May 7, 2019. I am bereft.

I have some widow friends from my FB groups. I find talking to them around my dinner time, PST, helps me in that social aspect.

We were both together since our senior year of high school in San Francisco.

huge hugs to all,

Jeanie

Comment by CvilleSarah on May 29, 2020 at 3:45pm

Has anyone done the weekly Zoom meetings that Dianne posted on here about? I have done the past 3, and like them pretty good. I was also thinking, since meal times are one of the most lonely (like every other time isn’t too, but...) what if there was like a weekly supper club or something via zoom, where everyone could fix their own plate and then meet while eating dinner at like 7 or 7:30 or something here on the east coast. Maybe Eastern Time and Central Time folks could both fit it in. Would anyone be interested?

 

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