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Yesterday marked the 365th day without my husband. I miss him beyond words but, this loneliness is almost unbearable. My ROCK is gone and I’m left all alone it seems with no sense of purpose. My husband was my life the reason I could sleep at night, motivation to be a better person. Now I’m just this blob going through the motions no real idea of what I’m supposed to be doing with my life. I smile and try to get out of the house so that people don’t worry but, on the inside I’m hurting. A piece of my died when he did and I don’t know if I’ll ever be the same. 

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Pooh - I'm so sorry for your loss. I had the one year anniversary of losing my husband Jan. 23, and it has been terrible ever since. I think it is finally sinking in that he is not coming back. My husband and I did everything together, played golf, traveled, etc., and I don't want to do these things with anyone else. It's a huge hole in our lives that I'm not sure how to begin to fill. I've heard from some people that the second year is worse than the first, and so far, they were right. Carol

Carol- I’m sorry that this is now our reality. Everything reminds me of him and I avoid places and people like the plague. What are something that you do to help you pass the time? We didn’t get the chance to have children so it’s just me. 

Thank you Pooh Neither one of us wants to be here, but here we are. We didn't have children either, but I do have nieces and nephews. I still work part time, and I spend time with friends, go to dinner, movies, etc. I think you may not want to avoid people. Sometimes it really helps take your mind away from your grief. I also go to a grief share program at out church, which really has helped me. You may check and see if there is one in your area. None of it, of course, takes the pain away, but it can ease it for a while. 

Hey Pooh,

I haven't hit my first deathiversary yet, but I hear it is one of the hardest days on, well, the grief calendar. I hope your pain has receded a little now. My own grief is ever-present, but I am finding that more often now it feels like tenderness, longing, or even laughter rather than (or alongside) pain.

Losing our beloveds makes us different people, no way around it as far as I can tell. Be gentle and patient with yourself as you figure out who you are now. You don't need to know what your purpose is this second- we're all just focusing on processing this huge loss.

Allow people to worry about you right now. Tell them how they can help. Lean in to the support that's offered- it really does ease the pain.

(Also, if you're being literal about the sleep, please talk to a doctor. I've needed sleep medication since Skip died, and it's been a relief.)

Hello Pooh.  I'm so sorry for your pain.  I completely understand how you are feeling.  I lost my husband 3 and half months ago while we were cruising to the Caribbean on our boat to a sudden heart attack in the lobby of a marina in Dominican Republic and I know my life will never be the same.  I still feel that it's not true or possible to loose someone you've loved all your life in 15 minutes.  He was my Rock too.  All I ever wanted was to be with him.  That's what made me the happiest, being together no matter what.  We always said we were so lucky to love each other the way we did.  31 years married and he has 56 years old.  I feel is not fair and me and our children got cheated to loose such one of a kind husband and father.  I am very thankful for the wonderful happy life we had together and all of our crazy adventures.  We did it all.  There really wasn't anything we wanted to do that we didn't do.  We were blessed with 2 amazing sons.  One month ago I became a grandmother and I know that's going to help a lot but right now I've only seen him once due to the virus going on.  I have a huge family on both sides that all they want to do is help me feel better, and they do.  I found out isolation is terrible.  The only time I feel better is when I'm with the ones I love and I can smile here and there although as you are aware that hole and pain in my heart is always there.  Everyone goes home with their spouse and I'll never have that again.I'm doing better now since my son and his girlfriend moved back from NZ to be closer to me and it's been a huge help.  I'm busier now and that's also really good and I adopted a dog at the shelter a month ago.  So please do try to spend time with your family and friends and go for walks on sunny days.  They say they are always with you and I ask him to please send me signs so I'm always on the lookout.  Take care and be safe

I'm so sorry.. I feel the same. 

I feel exactly the same way...I just go through the motions and try to be "normal" so people don't worry, but I feel so lonely and can't see a future right now. Some days it seems okay, and then for no reason I just feel so lonely and lost. Joining a grief group helped, but then the quarantine started and it's been even more lonely.

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