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It’s been 3 months for me. It is the worst feeling in my life. Some days I think he’s coming back then I realize he’s not and have a breakdown. We were married for 48 years and I don’t like being alone. How to you handle the Loneliness

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My husband and I used to plow through the black Friday crowds and kick our Christmas shopping off that way. This year, I cant stand to be in public, I cant stand to bump into people I know, and I cant stand to pretend that Im happy. Im not happy, I don't want to be around people and I prefer to stock pile my groceries and binge watch Netflix in my PJs. People just dont get it, its dark. When you build a life with someone and you outlive them, you really learn who is there and who isn't. Im sorry you're struggling. 

Judyrose, I lost my beloved husband on April 29,2018. We would have been married 48 years on November 21st of the same year. We met in the 6th grade and were actually together as a couple for 50 years. So much of your lives were intertwined together. It is easier said than done to just move on. You are just starting on this journey. I wish I could say it gets easier. After 20 months I still have major meltdowns. I have learned not to take what some people say to heart. I think they mean well but everyone deals with grief differently. I have learned to do what feels right for me. Personally, I dont mine being alone but the loneliness can be overwhelming. I find that getting out of the house helps me. Sometimes I will drive to the cemetery and just sit and "talk" to my beloved. Sometimes I will take in a movie or go to a concert. I started attending church services during the week and that has been comforting. Its only been three months so dont be so hard on yourself. You will gradually find what works and what doesnt work for you. Around the six month period I knew I needed additional support. I found this site and I started going to Griefshare meetings at a location in my area. I know I will never get over my loss but I will get through it. You will too. The only other advice I have is to get a physical exam and take care of your physical health, I encountered some issues which seem to have been triggered by the emotional stress I was esperiencing. Journaling also seemed to help me. Again, it's going to take time. Take care.

Judyrose you know your comment about "some days i think he's coming back" is so strange i thought i was truely the only one feeling that sense of brush it off dont worry this isnt real this cant be true i.ll wake up any minute now or in my mind for some reason it kept telling me he'll be back soon but i.d have to snap myself out ofthe delusion that my brain kept wanting to think he was coming back . its the coping mechanism of our brains cause our lives and memories dont make sense without them there our significant other i mean. I thought maybe i was the only one but then came across a book called the year of magical thinking.and then reading it i realized i wasnt the only person with that type of strange oh he'll be back sense of magical thinking. Strange but true for many . i even tend to make it worse by watching movies that may make my brain buy into that way of thought even more like the time machine or on the series black mirror theres an episode called i.ll be right back and recently i just watch an older movie called 

I don’t like the loneliness either.  However, I haven’t been an empty nester for long, so I married to where my kids are and then asked the youngest and his wife to move in me and save money for their first house.  They have to be out at the end of 2020.  However, if they are not ready I won’t enforce it because I dread being alone again.  My husband died in July so I was so miserable from July till January.  Well, I’m still miserable but I’m not by myself all the time.  I also have my dog.  We were married 30 years.

My suggestion to you would be to join the senior center in your community, go people watching, join something that does chair aerobics or aerobics or any exercise activity that you like - and if you don’t know what you like try different things.  I know it is hard, and you are only at the 3 month mark.  I think we are all new to this and trying to figure it out.  I would suggest GriefShare as well.


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