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It’s been 3 months for me. It is the worst feeling in my life. Some days I think he’s coming back then I realize he’s not and have a breakdown. We were married for 48 years and I don’t like being alone. How to you handle the Loneliness

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Some things are just inevitable in life and this is one of those things. In life it's two things, it's either you're gone or you bear the lost of someone dear. Being with someone for 48 years, the attachment, the moments shared. the love, the memories and the companionship is not what can be swept under the carpet when they pass, it takes time and sometimes counseling to get past this stage in life. My advice to you is adjust to your new status, accept what has been and move on with life. 

I don’t think it was very Considerate of you to tell me to just move on. 

Easier said than done

JudyRose, I am so sorry for your loss. It has been almost 4 months for me and we were married for 45 years. Being lonely and having to learn to do the jobs he always took care of has been hard. I joined a book club through my local Barnes and Nobles to start meeting new people. The senior center has activities that will also help you to meet people. I know how hard this is, for myself I knew I had to try to go out even though it is not comfortable for me. It does seem to help. Maybe get involved in your church, or join a grief support group that meets near where you live.

Darlene I’m so sorry for you loss. Yea just going to Walmart sometimes is hard. But you know you have to. Thank you for your Advice. 

Judyrose,

My husband and I were married 46 years before he passed away in March.  I really don't think it has totally sunk in that he is gone.  I think I'm just numb and going thru the days on autopilot. 

When the weather is exceptionally nice, like today, I think about what we would be doing.  Maybe working out in the yard or going for a drive to a place we loved about an hour away to shop and have dinner.  It's so hard to accept that those days are over now.

I had never lived alone before he passed away.  Lived at home, then with a girlfriend until I got married.  It's so hard, especially the evenings.  I don't think I'll ever get used to it.

Just keep posting here and hopefully we can all help each other.

Mary

Mary I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for Reaching out to me. I to feel like I’m in autopilot that was such a good way to put it. I’m like you I’ve never been on my own. The decisions that he made or we made together I have to do by myself now. It’s such a strange feeling. I think this site is wonderful so far. I adopted a rescue dog a week ago she makes me get up and move which is good. Hope to hear from you again. Judyrose   

Judyrose,

That's wonderful that you adopted a rescue dog.  That is my passion.  My husband and I adopted many rescues over the years.  Right now, they are the main thing that keeps me going on a daily basis.  What kind of dog is she?

It is hard making decisions on my own now.  We used to talk things over and depending on the situation, I would make the decision or he would, if we didn't agree.  I miss having him here to talk things over with.  Plus, when it comes to home repairs and cars, I don't have a clue. 

It's just a whole new life now, and I sure wish I could go back to my old one.

Mary

Mary. She’s a Shih Tzu  Pomeranian mix. How many dogs do you have? I know what you mean we always made decisions the same way. It’s so had not having them to talk to. Even though sometimes he would like at me like are are you still talking? 

I’m lucky my son is very close and does help when I ask but I try to do it on my own first. I don’t want to bother him all the time. 

I’d go back to my old life in a heartbeat. I don’t know how to go on. Sometimes are better than others but the night is so hard.

Have you ever woke up in the middle of sleeping and think you husband is in bed? It was the worst feeling. 

I have 4 dogs.  Some days, it's a lot of work and other days, things go smoothly.

My son helps a lot, too, but like you I hate to ask.  It's hard to keep a house up by yourself if you aren't handy, which I'm not.  It's even hard to find a good handyman to do things.  But I'm not ready to move into an apt.

I'm sure that's terrible to wake up and think your husband is there.  I have the opposite feeling.  It's like he was never here.  I have a friend whose husband passed away a few months before mine and she feels the same way.  We both brought it up at different sessions of our grief support group, and the moderator didn't seem to understand what we were saying.  She felt we were maybe in denial, but in this instance, I don't think so.  I really have to try hard to remember him ever being here.  I really don't understand it.

As for your experience, I'm sure that was be very upsetting.  Nighttime is tough enough without going thru that.  I tend to wake up around 2:00 am and then start worrying about everything in my life.  Not easy to go back to sleep at that point.

Mary

Hi Mary

I lost my husband of 41 years not quite 7 months ago. We were together 45 years, ever since I was 16.

I'm not on this group often, I read it in "chunks" and then not for a while.  I saw your comment about feeling like your husband was never here.  I realized that is what I have been feeling, some of the time.  I feel like I can't see him, can't properly remember him.  It's not quite like he was never here, for me, maybe more like he has been gone for centuries.  I have felt really bad about it sometimes, as though I don't miss him, which isn't true.  I have a feeling that I'm still in some sort of shock.  He died very suddenly at age 62.  Happy at 8pm, gone by midnight is what I've been saying to people.  Anyway, your comment jumped out at me, and I just wanted to say I'm another person who feels the same way.  

Hi DebiT,

Thanks for the reply.  It does help to know that others have similar feelings.  It seems like I have to try hard to remember him being here, and like you, then I feel bad.  

I do feel that we are both probably still in shock.  Even though my husband didn't die suddenly as yours did, it was still unexpected.  I'm sure it will take time for you to process everything.  That must have been terrible.

Some days, it's just hard to understand how everyone else's lives have just gone on these past few months, but I realize that most weren't really impacted by his death - or at least to the same extent.  It sometimes feels like I'm just floating thru life, doing things automatically without even thinking, day after day.

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