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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Widowed in 2019

We're so sorry you have a reason to join us. Please get acquainted here and make friends anywhere on the site.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

We are grateful you found us so soon after your loss, but until this group grows please feel free to also join the Widowed in 2018.

Members: 133
Latest Activity: 3 hours ago

Discussion Forum

365th Day Without You

Started by Pooh898. Last reply by Melissa on Monday. 4 Replies

Yesterday marked the 365th day without my husband. I miss him beyond words but, this loneliness is almost unbearable. My ROCK is gone and I’m left all alone it seems with no sense of purpose. My…Continue

Being in public

Started by Justme. Last reply by BEAV on Monday. 11 Replies

I dread being at work or in public around people who know me. Inevitably someone asks, "HOW are you doing?" or "How were the holidays?" and won't let it drop w/ a fine. I know they care and that…Continue

Lost

Started by Judyrose. Last reply by Alw12889 Feb 12. 28 Replies

It’s been 3 months for me. It is the worst feeling in my life. Some days I think he’s coming back then I realize he’s not and have a breakdown. We were married for 48 years and I don’t like being…Continue

Still doesn't feel real!

Started by Mimis. Last reply by Deb Jan 21. 2 Replies

It's been almost 3 months (30 Oct 2019) since my best friend, love of my life, and father of my two boys died in hospital due to complications from liver failure. It still doesn't feel real. I see…Continue

Comment Wall

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Comment by Melissa on January 18, 2020 at 6:57pm

Riskybiz,

Please do not feel as though you need to give Rick up! Find ways to stay connected. (There's a whole grief theory, called "continuing bonds", that basically debunks the idea that it is somehow better for us to "get over" our beloved dead. It is not...which is good, because it's an impossible thing to ask us to do anyways.)

Comment by Melissa on January 18, 2020 at 6:54pm
To everyone who has been widowed in the last few months, let me just say this:

Literally the only thing you should be doing (and, for many of us, the only thing we CAN do) in the first few months is to move toward anything that feels slightly less painful. Trust yourself to recognize what those things are for you, and then do them. That's it.
Comment by DeeDee on January 15, 2020 at 10:54am

Risky biz,

I feel your pain! I feel like most days I’m on auto pilot and some days I just need a nap!!! 
mine day at a time is all you can do, I aim for one hour at a time... 

Comment by Riskybiz on January 15, 2020 at 10:48am

A dear friend who has been widowed twice has told me to take it one day at a time.  That is what I am doing.  I force myself to get up and start the day.  I cry all the time and am losing weight.  I just cannot imagine my life without Rick.  How do I give up someone I have been married to for 45 years?

Comment by Lisa on January 15, 2020 at 9:52am

I am just over two months in, and I don't know if it's better, but it's different. I still cry every day. I still can't get up in the morning, because there's nothing I want to do or that seems worth getting up for. But once I am up, it doesn't hurt as much to just be alive, move around, breathe. I miss him like crazy every minute. I am ready for a day when I will be able to get out of bed, find meaning in my work again. I hope that time is coming. I'm not there yet, and it may be a long wait. It's hard to imagine more than one day in the future.

Comment by Riskybiz on January 15, 2020 at 9:26am

Not doing well at all, my husband has been dead for one month and I can't stop crying.

Comment by [email protected] on January 15, 2020 at 9:11am

How is everyone doing these days knowing hard to deal with a big lost as I am now

Comment by Riskybiz on January 14, 2020 at 11:56am

I think people are very uncomfortable when death comes up.  They don't want you to tell them that you are lonely, hurting, sad, angry, depressed and don't want to get up in the morning.  There are people with banal comments, like "He's in a better place".  Be strong.  He would not want you to feel like this.  These people have no idea how hard this is.  I hate being a widow.  I hate saying the word.  I hate crying all the time.  I hate the pain.  And the knowledge I will never kiss or hug him again.  Maybe these people have never really loved someone with all their heart.  I will somehow get through this but I will never be the same woman I was.  I don't see ever being happy again.

Comment by Lisa on January 14, 2020 at 11:27am

Cville Sarah, one of the things I am struggling with most right now is the people who tell me that he "wouldn't want" me to be sad. He "wouldn't want" me to stay in bed all day. He "wants" me to go on living my normal life. I can't help but feel like they are saying it because *they* want me to stop being sad, or they are uncomfortable around my grief and would like me to go back to normal. I know him better than anyone who is telling me this, and I understand that he hated for me to be unhappy, but he would never dismiss my grief and pain and expect me to just get up and go on like nothing has happened. And anyway, I can't do that, so what difference does it make? It's not helpful to make me feel like I am disappointing him or letting him down by grieving.

Comment by Riskybiz on January 14, 2020 at 11:19am

dperduyn,

So sorry for your loss, it has been less than a month for me and I hate this new life.  This is not a life, it's hell.  I have always been a strong person but I am crumbling right now.  I can't believe I will never kiss or hug him again

 

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