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Widowed in 2020

We're so sorry you have a reason to join us. Please get acquainted here and make friends anywhere on the site.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

We are grateful you found us so soon after your loss, but until this group grows please feel free to also join the Widowed in 2019.

Members: 47
Latest Activity: 8 hours ago

Discussion Forum

Hard days on top of hard days

Started by CatCo. Last reply by Tracey on Tuesday. 2 Replies

First of all - I am so glad that a friend of a friend randomly reached out on Facebook and told me about this group.More pain to share...Today, I would quietly acknowledge the anniversary of my…Continue

Milestone One

Started by CatCo. Last reply by Tracey on Tuesday. 3 Replies

25 years ago todayatoday geeky young man walked in to my office to pick me up for our lunch date.He was adorable, sweet, and he had the best smile. I married him.Two weeks ago, Barry fell in to a…Continue

Signs and sightings

Started by CatCo on Sunday. 0 Replies

When Barry slipped into a coma, he began turning on the lights in his office. As he slipped away, he pulled up the countdown timer on the phones of 2 friends and up popped the words "time's up."He…Continue

Is it wrong to feel angry at family members isolating rather than being in support system ?

Started by Oskar Ruettiger. Last reply by Tom May 21. 6 Replies

6 + weeks ago, I lost my beloved wife and mother of our two sons after 23 years of marriage.  She had been ill with cancer for the last 5 months and it was mentally and physically exhausting on all…Continue

Comment Wall


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Comment by Soaring Spirits on Monday

I've sent the links to all who have attended one or more of our Zoom gatherings. If you'd like to join us, please send an email to [email protected] and I'll send you the link(s).

We are currently meeting each Tuesday at 10am Pacific Time for our 2020 group and again each Thursday at 9am Pacific Time for our general Widowed Village membership. You are welcome to attend both. I will be polling this week's Zoom attendees to see if we might be able to change both of these meetings to the weekend so those who are working or returning to work can join us. I'll announce in here if we change the days/times.

Dianne in Nevada

Comment by Estragon on May 12, 2020 at 5:32am

Outwest - yeah, I think the seemingly sheer randomness of those moments is part of what's making it so hard for me to figure this thing out.

Comment by outwest on May 12, 2020 at 5:05am

Estragon I know the waves of sadness. Sometimes I will walk into the kitchen and not feel anything but the next time I enter the kitchen I am hit by a wave that I will never be in the kitchen helping my wife prepare a meal. The same thing happens when I see her unfinished craft projects sometimes nothing, but other times the sadness just over takes me.

Comment by Estragon on May 12, 2020 at 4:45am

FWIW, I went out to the cabin a couple of times in March.  The first time was just to check on the place and get a sense of ice conditions (there's no road access).  That's when the shoe thing really hit me unexpectedly.  The second time was easier.  Maybe it's because I was prepared by the experience of the first visit, or maybe because I had a mission (hauling propane).

The ice is pretty much gone now so it's accessible by boat.  We're not really supposed to, but  I'm thinking I should get out to open up and make it look like less of a target for low-lifes who might want to break into not yet opened cabins.  Like you, I'm not sure if I should go alone.

I find the waves of sadness come whether I want them to or not.  All I can do is be aware of it and let it happen.  I'm also trying to remember I'm even more scatterbrained after it happens.  I went to the cemetery with the kids about 10 days ago for the first time since we buried her in early Feb.  The next day I walked absent-minded with my hands in my pockets, tripped, and got a nasty road-rash on my face.  Lesson learned.  If it's a bad day, try to make a point of living in the moment and be extra aware.

Comment by KMDH on May 12, 2020 at 4:00am

Estragon..I can relate.  We have a cabin, 90 minutes from home.  It was one of our happy places.  I am going up this weekend to do the usual clean up.  There is so much of him there..I do not know if I should bring someone or go up alone.  I do know that today is going to be a bad day.  The wave of sadness keeps coming over me.

Comment by Estragon on May 12, 2020 at 3:22am

I suppose everyone's different, but so far I'm finding that sense of "she's just in the other room" or whatever to be going away in little bits.  Not one big "aha" moment, but lots of little ones.  For example, when I went to check on our cabin a couple of months ago, the sight of her pairs of shoes lined up at the front door, all ready for spring.  It brought on a profound sadness knowing there would be no spring for her or us.  Had another such moment yesterday.  Maybe I'll start a separate thread on the subject if I can figure out how/where to do so.

Comment by KMDH on May 11, 2020 at 3:38pm

Estragon and Carol,

I can't tell you how many times in a day, I think...I have to tell Kevin about this,  but he is not there. I feel like, I am just going through the motions. I used to be a person who could handle I literally take it hour by hour. God Bless Everyone

Comment by Soaring Spirits on May 11, 2020 at 1:21pm

We're holding a Zoom meeting for our Widowed in 2020 members every Tuesday at 10am Pacific Time. If you'd like to join us, please send an email to [email protected] and I'll send you the link.  You can choose to share or just listen, whatever you're comfortable with, but it's quite nice to be able to see and chat with others who understand.


Comment by Gigi on May 11, 2020 at 12:32pm

Estragon & KMDH --

So the 3 of us have experienced sudden tragic loss. An experience I wish on no one.

I've also been told that it won't necessarily get better, but the edges of my pain will soften. I'm actually fearful of my near future, only because I think I'm still in denial -- I pretend my husband is in his TV room like he was so often. I worry about when my heart and mind will suddenly realize that he's not really in that room, but he's gone, and gone forever, and I won't be able to bear it. 

Anyway, God bless you two, and everyone else on this site


Comment by KMDH on May 11, 2020 at 11:42am

Hi Estragon, I am so sorry for your loss  This is just horrible.  I like to walk in the woods or the beach, but unfortunately I can not do that at this time because of Covid restrictions  I heard from someone it does not get easier, but you learn how to deal with it.


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