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I have been trying to find people who are widows due to COVID-19. My husband was 54, no pre-existing medical conditions, never sick. In the beginning of April we all (dh, me, 4 kids at home) got sick with Corona symptoms, but after a week or so the rest of us began to recover and he got worse. He went into the hospital the night of April 12 and passed away on May 22. We couldn't see him, or speak to him, for 40 days until he passed. The whole thing was a nightmare I could have never imagined. I'm just wondering if anyone else has gone through it. I feel like I can't even explain what it is like to have your partner for 30 years disappear... Is there anyone out there? 

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Well you're at the right place for finding people who understand your grief and pain. Although my husband of 40 years didn't die from Covid, he did die suddenly on Feb 29 (drowned in our spa) and so I definitely understand that. My mom died end of May and the hospital wouldn't let us in to see her -- a nurse actually pulled some strings to get us in the day she died, but she was unconscious by then. So I kind of understand your Covid nightmare.

Join the zoom meetings as they help. It's good to talk and share with others going through the same thing. I'm truly sorry for your pain -- don't wish this on anyone.

Carol

Baba2020. My wife had lung cancer and passed away in April. She was taking to the ER early in the morning at first I was allowed to sit outside her isolation room in the ER. Later I was moved out to the waiting room after 4 hours in the waiting room i forces to go outside wait on the parking lot for another 4 hours before I could see her. All caused by covid.

Several days later she entered hospice care, I was allowed in the and stayed overnight for 5 days, then the damn covid rules changed and I was forced out. Only when her life signs turned down was I allowed back in for several hours on Friday the 3rd. I was forced out at 5 Friday afternoon and she passed early Saturday morning. She did not want to die alone but that is what happened and I could not stop it because of covid. Like you I feel that I abandoned her. 

Sorry for your loss, hopefully you will find a little peace here in the village.

My heart breaks for all the touching stories I am reading this morning. I am so grateful the I have found some other souls to share with who have lost someone under these conditions. I just joined this group because I lost my husband of 46 years on April 28th from Covid-19. He was in the hospital for two weeks and the helplessness and isolation I felt was horrific. I also had the virus, and was quite ill, but somehow recovered, thank God. I am talking to a counselor right now because the  trauma of not being with him at the hospital has left me with some PTSD. Our three adult children are also struggling and having a very hard time.  feel like I am dealing with two different challenges. The challenge of trying to cope with the whole intense trauma of the conditions around his death because of the virus and THEN the added challenge of  grieving the loss of my sweet husband. I keep imagining how scared he must of have been when he was put on the ventilator and I can't get images like that out of my head. I don't know how to get past this and allow myself to just go through the long and painful process of grieving. I also feel so guilty because I think that I must have given him the virus. He is blind and was not leaving the house at all except for a walk or two. I know that this guilt is making this experience even more confusing. I am in a vortex being pulled down. Each day is like starting from the beginning and I am exhausted. 

I can't really imagine what those of you who were prevented from being with your person are feeling.  I think my wife "died" (at least the part of her that made her who she was) at home in the first few minutes following her aneurysm.  She wasn't formally declared brain dead for another day and a half, and her heart would have stopped another day later after organ donation.  Although I know intellectually that she essentially died in those first few minutes, somehow the sight of her in the hospital on life support, still warm and to all appearances just sleeping, it felt as though she might still wake up.   I couldn't be there when her heart stopped, and for a long time after that it felt like I had left her sleeping in the ICU bed and that I should be there with her.  It's not anything like what you're enduring, but...

When my survival was in doubt during cancer treatment some years back, I wasn't afraid of death or of dying alone.  I recall thinking in pre-op before surgery, how badly I felt about leaving my wife to grieve my death without me to comfort her if I didn't survive the operation.  I wouldn't wish this journey on anyone, let alone my best friend of over 40 years.

My prayers and thoughts go out to all of you whose loved one died of Covid and you could not be there to say goodbye.  My husband died of a brain aneurysm in April 2020 and I was only allowed in the hospital to say goodbye.  A final kiss and touch until we can see each other again.  This may have been our  final goodbye in the  hospital but it did not express our ongoing love.  I try to remember all the times we  said I love to each other and how wonderful it made us feel to know we had each other.   We will always have each other even if he is not with me know.  I hope you all find peace in time as I  hope to do someday too. 

Baba2020. My wife had lung cancer and passed away in April. She was taking to the ER early in the morning at first I was allowed to sit outside her isolation room in the ER. Later I was moved out to the waiting room after 4 hours in the waiting room i forces to go outside wait on the parking lot for another 4 hours before I could see her. All caused by covid.

Several days later she entered hospice care, I was allowed in the and stayed overnight for 5 days, then the damn covid rules changed and I was forced out. Only when her life signs turned down was I allowed back in for several hours on Friday the 3rd. I was forced out at 5 Friday afternoon and she passed early Saturday morning. She did not want to die alone but that is what happened and I could not stop it because of covid. Like you I feel that I abandoned her. 

Sorry for your loss, hopefully you will find a little peace here in the village.

I'm so very sorry to hear all of your stories, they are all in some way and in a lot of ways so similar to mine.  My heart breaks for all of you.  Praying for this group as we figure our way through this life now.  I posted my story in the group but wanted to answer here as each of your stories have touched my heart.  I hope we find comfort in knowing that we are going through loss through such a terrible time in this world but we have each other who understands.  Glad to find this group.

My husband passed away from Covid-19 in March. After a week of not being well, he started improving, then woke up not feeling well and within 2 hours he passed away, in my arms.  I feel like I am living in a nightmare and not being woken up. I never realised I could cry so much. I just can’t believe our whole future has been wiped out.  So many plans and so much to look forward to together and it’s all gone. I don’t know anyone that is widowed at my age (47). I feel completely lost without him.

I've created a private group specifically for those who lost their person to Covid-19. Emails with the link to the new group were sent last night to those who answered 'yes' to the application question about Covid. If you didn't receive it, please send a message to [email protected] and I can send it to you. Just click on that link and you'll be asked to request to join the group which will send me an alert so I can get you in.

Thank you, Soaring Spirits, I've been looking for a forum or group devoted to widows/widowers of Covid-19.  Good thoughts-

I too appreciate this so much. I lost my husband to Covid in April and am really struggling with the loss and the horrible experience of being separated. by Covid. I   feel like my life is over. Hearing how others are doing is a huge help to me. Thanks so much.

I’m so sorry. I know the pain is unbearable... I lost my husband (he was 54) to complications from COVID on June 9th. 

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