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I have been trying to find people who are widows due to COVID-19. My husband was 54, no pre-existing medical conditions, never sick. In the beginning of April we all (dh, me, 4 kids at home) got sick with Corona symptoms, but after a week or so the rest of us began to recover and he got worse. He went into the hospital the night of April 12 and passed away on May 22. We couldn't see him, or speak to him, for 40 days until he passed. The whole thing was a nightmare I could have never imagined. I'm just wondering if anyone else has gone through it. I feel like I can't even explain what it is like to have your partner for 30 years disappear... Is there anyone out there? 

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Hi,  First of all let me offer  my prayers and thoughts to you and your family for the passing of your husband.  My husband passed of a  brain aneurysm in April after 35 years of marriage.  I understand how awful the hospital can be during the covid as I too was not allowed to visit until  he was getting ready to pass and our children were not allowed to say goodbye and had to say goodbye over a speaker phone.  We are out here and ready to talk when you need it.  

Thank you Maralina - Yes, it wasn't just COVID itself, but the whole experience of not being able to call or see what was going on just seemed so cruel. I feel like I abandoned him ...

Hello,  I hear you.  So sorry for the loss of your husband, prayers of comfort being sent your way.  I lost my fiance to Covid-19 on April 16th and it feels like I am watching someone else go thru this, not me.  He lived in a different city in same state.  He usually called daily and after missing a day I went to bed worried but waited until the next day.  He called and sounded very tired and groggy and said he had been sleeping a lot.  He said he felt fine, but I heard him cough and when I asked what was that, he said I have to clear my throat.  I immediately panicked but he assured me no sore throat or headache just tired.  I said go gargle and take something and he was supposed to call me back a bit later that night. He did not, instead I got a call from a friend that he was in the hospital.  He had Covid-19 and quickly went to ICU and from there it went downhill fast.  He died a week later, I never got to see him again.  It is still somehow not real yet. Some days I feel like a vacuum of pain, despair and loss is sucking a hole in my soul and I cry nonstop until I run out of tears.  Other days I am in a fog like state that feels like I am on auto-pilot.  Those days I feel are days that GOD helps me by shutting down my desperation and sadness sensors if you will.  I'd rather feel nothing than the hopeless anguish and sadness at times.  It's not better but has become for lack of a better word a little more familiar each day.  Still get ambushed by songs or smells, the lawn needs mowing or whatever the trigger is but they don't seem to last as long and again they are familiar.  I too was looking for anyone that knew what this felt like this Covid-19 took my heart away and found this site.  I read others comments and realized I am not alone and that shows me life or GOD is not just picking on me and my fiance.  I also lost my husband of 22 years two years ago to cancer and was so happy and grateful to be engaged to this wonderful man that had been a widower for over 20 plus years who understood loss of a spouse and then BAM he is gone to Covid-19 in the blink of an eye.  I was saying what you said, is there anyone out there.  Yes...we are here.  Hugs and blessings. Serene

No, it doesn't seem real at all. My husband fought off the COVID virus, and came off the ventilator at the end of April. I figured he would be coming home after he got stronger. And then every single day he got worse--lungs, kidneys, heart, and eventually liver failed--but he still fought for another month. I just don't know anyone in real life who went through this nightmare. I hate that he was in the hospital alone. I hate that my kids couldn't see him or say good bye. I hate that I am now making these decisions that I don't want to make. 

Hi

Yes I'm out here alone and struggling with my intense grief. My husband passed away April 13th from the Covid-19  . I just can't believe his is gone. I miss him so much, his voice and everything about him. People don't understand the pain we feel. People were calling when it first happened. Now they have backed off don't hear from them.I guess they have moved on in their life. There seems to be layer on top of layers of sadness in the world , the virus is still out there and people are trying to get back to a normal life . I wish for a normal life also. But there is nothing normal about the pain we feel.

I Prayed so hard for God to heal my husband many times before he passed away. But you know what I still trust him and continue to pray even through my pain.

Hope to hear from you soon

SweetieCe

SweetieCe,

I also prayed everyday that David would come home to us. And he really fought so hard. But by the end, I prayed that he not suffer needlessly and that I wasn't forced to make a decision about removing the ventilator. I know God will guide us and protect us, but right now I have a high school senior who will graduate without his Dad there, and I just hate that he has to go through that. 

It is still early for us, so people have been checking on me and helping. Right now, it is so awkward when people say "I wish I could hug you" but then just stand there and watch you cry. Some will hug me anyway, but there is just a separation that didn't exist before. 

I do feel that Americans have a very short attention span, and most people have moved on to other things. Meanwhile, there are many of us suffering (and, unfortunately, there will be more in the future) and I guess it is not news anymore...

Hi

I also loss my husband to the Covid-19 and have had difficulty meeting someone or talking to someone that also became widow due to the virus. My husband and I were married 46 years and enjoyed spending time together. He passed away in the hospital on April 13 without me being able to say goodbye. Hope to hear from any one that has loss a love one to the Covid-19

SweetieCe

Hi, my husband also died from COVID on 4/25.  We were married 43 years. He was on a ventilator for 4 weeks, wrote a note while he was incubated & said he was feeling better & wanted to go home.  As soon as he was taken off he got worse and his body started to shut down. He to passed away without my being there. Horrible situation.

I lost my husband to covid April 1.  We were married 25 years.  We both went to the hospital and I stayed 3 days.  He stayed 9 and didn't make it.  I never got to talk to him or even see him after we both got to the hospital.  We did a facetime and then they intubated him and that was it.  And he seemed ok and was very healthy.  I don't get it still.  Why him?  And now 6 months later I still don't know anyone who even got it.  I'm a long-hauler and I'm finally getting better.

So sorry for your loss.  My husband also died from COVID in April. We were married 43 years, and it is a nightmare.

I lost my husband a disabled veteran to this virus on April 13,2020. I’m lost not able to comprehend or cope. Can’t even bury him till July 21. 
I’m in denial, angry to the system since I’m in a hardship due to my financial status. Everything takes forever except the bills.

You are not alone... My husband and soulmate of 14  years was 49 years old and the strongest and healthiest person I have ever known. He came home with mild symptoms at the height of the pandemic that increased at a rapid rate; Because he was young, healthy and strong, everyone including his team of doctors, nurses (myself included) were so confidant he was going to be one of the lucky ones to make it out of the hospital. Unfortunately, within a little over one week it worsened until covid-19 completely took over his body. It eventually progressed to his death on the 14th of April. It has felt like life as I knew it was pulled out, like a rug from underneath me. Ever since, I've been lost in my grief, pain, sorrow and the never-ending sense of longing for him. I can't imagine your pain- as no two people grieve the same (no matter the loss or how they lost) but I can imagine your sense of this being a absolute nightmare.

To answer you question: "Is anyone out there?", yes... for what it is worth I am here too. I am here because I feel so alone because I am so wounded. I feel like no one's gestures of sympathy hold value because they don't understand the pain of feeling so robbed. The pain of waking up to an empty side of a the bed where once laid the most beautiful human, I was lucky enough to call my husband. The pain of waiting for someone to walk through the door, even though I know they are never coming home. The pain of being left to raise a young child when we were always a team and it's no more. These are just a few things I struggle to live with on an everyday and most moments throughout my day. Perhaps, maybe you have the same struggle or different variations. No matter the case, I am truly, deeply and utterly sorry for your loss because, I too am suffering from the same broken heart. 

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