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I'm reaching out as I am having one of my worst days ever. I am so lost and wondering what the purpose of everything is. My husband suddenly passed on June 11th. Suspected heart attack at the age of 44.

I believe I am still in shock or coming out of shock I really do not know. I am so unbelievably overwhelmed with the pain and in addition the worst financial situation that I could ever imagine. I have been on disability from chronic pain and fibromyalgia for years and I have no real income. I had just started a full time school program a few months ago and was doing very well with it. Until this happened. I am so very lost and I have tried to apply for income support but they denied me because I am a student. I believe I am going to lose my house. I had put down the down payment and it was everything I owned. My husband paid the mortgage and we had no mortgage insurance. I feel my step children are starting to distance themselves. I feel like I am losing absolutely everything. My husband was my life. My soulmate my best friend my everything and now I feel empty. We had just bought this house less than a year ago and he was doing renovations on it while I was in class and then we wanted to start having a family together. Everything is gone now.

Is anyone else in this situation or feeling this way???

If anyone would like to talk a bit please message me

Mel

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Replies to This Discussion

I relate.  I lost my love June 17.  And in same position as you.  One day at a time, one moment.  I dont have the words.  Just want to respond say I relate.

I am so sad to hear you are going through this same thing. Breaks my heart.

Thank you for your comment. Your kind words. It is appreciated.

This is not a club anyone wants to join. But we are here. Sometimes it's a breath at a time.  

My wife died suddenly at the end of January.  Everyone is different, but I was in a sort of fog / state of shock for quite a while.  The fog lasted for a couple of months, then there would be the occasional, brief period of relative lucidity before the fog rolled back in.  In these periods, my mind would race with all the things I should be doing for a bit, then shut down again.  I found finding ways to sleep better helped, but just making toast or whatever successfully was a challenge.

To get the urgent stuff done in the early days, I had one of my adult daughters sort of ride shotgun, which was really helpful.  Are your stepchildren able to help?  IDK their ages or what your relationship is with them, but having someone a bit clearer minded, and with your best interests at heart to take notes etc might help.  Sometimes people want to help, but don't know how.  I think my kids got some comfort from having specific tasks to accomplish in those early days.

I know what it feels like for life to change completely in less time than it takes to have a cup of coffee.  It sucks.

I am sorry you lost your wife suddnely Estragon.

I am definitley in that shock and fog state you are speaking of. I am not sure if I am really here. I have had some moments of clarity that were very bried anf very painful. It really seems it's just different levels of pain constantly. Our brains trying to protect us somehow maybe. So many racing thoughts and panic attacks. Yes you're so right....even just trying to make toast is a challenge.

I am trying to find someone who can help me with all of these things as my step daughters are young and unable to help with anything like this. They live with their mom out of town but were just visiting briefly. They do not understand the gravity of the situation I am in. I know people want to help and cannot but I am sending out messages to people who may know how to help me. Because it is so time sensitive I am having to put my schooling on the backburner to try and sort out what I can to keep a home. Survival mode is kicking in but I have not slept and not able to really get anything accomplished. I will keep trying and hope for some sleep.

I am glad to hear that you had your kids there to help you out and that gave them a sense of accomplishment as well.

This really really sucks. His life gone in an instant and my whole world. You know it.

Thank you for reaching out. 

Hi Mel,

Sorry you're going through so much. Sorry for your loss.

My kitchen is in the middle of a renovation and I thought my husband would've finished it before he suddenly passed. It's only been under renovation since 2017!

A couple of things I have found which are helping me: found this great book called Finding Your Way Through Grief: A Guide for the First Year and Magnesium Oil. I thought I took enough magnesium yet apparently not as the magnesium oil is helping me sleep longer hours. If I take any more magnesium orally I'll be spending time in the bathroom and I don't need that. The oil is applied to the skin. The book has helped me understand what normal during the first year. So much that I didn't know.

Is there anyway to get on some kind of disability now that you're not in school?

I understand the lost feeling.  My heart goes out to you and what you are going througmonth.  I am a month out from losing the love of my life.  Each day seems to bring emptiness that I've never felt before.

Hi Mel K, I am sorry for your loss. I completely understand how you feel. My husband was 53 and very suddenly passed away of Covid. I have never experienced pain like this, the grief is overwhelming. We were also renovating our house and now I can’t be bothered to continue, I don’t see the point without him. The grief is making me feel absolutely exhausted.  I also feel everything is gone, my whole future has just been wiped out.

I understand the feeling and it sucks. I wish things were different but it sucks big time.

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