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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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Widowed in 2020

We're so sorry you have a reason to join us. Please get acquainted here and make friends anywhere on the site.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

We are grateful you found us so soon after your loss, but until this group grows please feel free to also join the Widowed in 2019.

Members: 127
Latest Activity: 2 hours ago

Widowed by Covid-19 Group

I've created a private group just for our members who lost their person to Covid-19 so you'll have a space to share and connect about your unique loss. Email messages were sent to those who responded 'yes' to the application question asking if your loss was due to Covid.

If you joined us prior to that application question and your person died by Covid, please send me a note at [email protected] and I'll send you the link to access the new group.

Discussion Forum

8 Months in

Started by SpecialK. Last reply by navigating life 2 hours ago. 3 Replies

My husband of 14 years and love of my life for 20+ years passed away in January 2020 from dire complications, one of which was sepsis, that arose from 2 surgeries, 1 in June 2019 and a 2nd in August…Continue

COVID widow

Started by Baba2020. Last reply by Rere 9 hours ago. 28 Replies

I have been trying to find people who are widows due to COVID-19. My husband was 54, no pre-existing medical conditions, never sick. In the beginning of April we all (dh, me, 4 kids at home) got sick…Continue

The Truth About My Late Husband (Caution Reading)

Started by LorraineS. Last reply by LorraineS 19 hours ago. 8 Replies

I'm having a difficult time relating to most widows/widowers on this site. I've toyed with just not receiving any more email updates nor visiting any more. My situation is so opposite from 99% of the…Continue

All feelings are valid

Started by DylFrog1221. Last reply by Dodgerfam7215 on Friday. 12 Replies

I lost my husband on August 14th 2020 to Stage 4 metastatic melanoma. The last 6 months were unbearable and I think that’s when I actually started to grieve. I was unable to move physically. Stunned.…Continue

Comment Wall

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Comment by outwest on July 25, 2020 at 5:09am

Carousel

From the people I talked to a change sleep patterns are fairly common.

My wife was taken to the ER early in the morning, When she returned from the hospital she was too weak to go upstairs to sleep, we slept on the 1st floor her on the sofa and me on the recliner until she entered the hospice. After I was lock out of the hospice I continued to sleep in the recliner, after she passed away I slept in the recliner or on the sofa for a little more than month before I forced myself back to the bedroom. At first I slept the first part of the night in the bed and the second part on the sofa, gradually I got the point where I was sleeping most of the night in bed. Things changes at the end of June and what would have been our 42nd anniversary, now I am back to sleeping half the in bed and half on the sofa. Hopefully it will go back before too long.

Have you tried a night time sleep aid, years ago I used one from Walmart worked and was safe. I did not use it now since I am still a little uncomfortable being in the house by myself.

take care be safe

Comment by Carousel on July 24, 2020 at 11:50pm

So it's 2:30 in.the morning.  I was up yesterday at 4 in the morning.  No naps.  Fell asleep on couch around 5 pm.  Woke up t 7:30, fed the kitties then back to sleep until midnight.  Now awake like it's morning.  My sleep pattern is so screwed up these days.  Been sleeping on couch since my wife passed on Father's Day from lung cancer.  She suffered a broken hip on 6/18/2020 just getting into bed. We heard this awful, awful crack and she screamed out.  The only good thing is she was on the bed.  Called ambulance which took her to ER.  They told my wife hip would need surgery as the x-ray showed break across maim hip bone. Given her cancer diagnosis, she decided against this course of treatment.  She was transported to hospice facility where she stayed until her passing.  Bed is still unmade as ambulance people had to lift her up sheets, pillows, and all to get her on gurney.  Cannot bring myself to sleep there yet.  I know eventually I will have ti face it but not yet.

Comment by Maggie May on July 24, 2020 at 6:14pm

You are right, it was out of our control - just like everything seems out of control in the world right now (which doesn't help). Our husband's passed about the same time - it's been almost three months, and I seem to be crying more. I found a voice mail from earlier in April, and I finally understood that he was saying he wanted to come home. He just wanted to come home. Several days before he passed, nurses and aides helped him call me and he clearly said "I love you." He hadn't been able to speak clearly for a long time. So, I have that to hold in my heart, and I know I did not abandon him, and he knew why I couldn't be there, but as he got weaker and sicker, he must have needed me. My head knows I did everything I could, but my heart is still hunting for him. 

I know I have to get past this, and I heard that this feeling of guilt is common for those who couldn't be with our loved ones. It helps knowing that we are not alone in this, but I'm still crying.

Comment by outwest on July 24, 2020 at 6:03pm

To Maggie May and Rere

My wife did not died from COVID, she had lung cancer. However she entered a hospice a few days prior to the COVID lock down in our state. After spending 5 nights with her in the hospice I was forced to leave. I was only allowed back in when her signs started to turn downward and again I was forced to leave at 5pm. She passed away at 12:30 am the next morning. The one thing she wanted at the end was to not died alone and it turned to be the one thing I could not make happen. I know I did what I could and would have did whatever it took to be with her at the end. But still not a day goes by with me feeling that I let her down.

I am sorry that you both have a reason to be here. Hopefully the village will provide some comfort to each of you.

Take Care

Comment by Rere on July 24, 2020 at 5:04pm

To Maggie May, 

It breaks my heart that you feel like you abandoned your husband, but I too feel that way. My husband died from COVID in late April . He was on a ventilator and because we could not visit him I feel like he was scared and wondering where we were, especially me. It haunts me. I keep telling myself that it was out of my control, but not a day goes by that it doesn't make me cry.  We must remember that our husbands absolutely knew we loved them!

Comment by Sleepless in Oxford on July 23, 2020 at 6:16am

My wife of 24 years passed away on June 6th, 2020 after a 5 year battle with cancer.  I miss her everyday and cannot image happiness without her.

Comment by JuliaB on July 13, 2020 at 9:04pm

Hi LoraineS,

My wife died a couple days after your husband, June 9.  She was 63.  This past month has been a roller coaster of emotions.  I got something from the hospice today that was the first in a "series" about things to do for starting to deal with the grief.  I suppose the good news is that, without reading the list, I've already starting doing about half of the things on the list such as talking about the fact that she has died, crying when I need to, talking about her to others, having some time by myself to acknowledge my loss.  I also have talked to her a few times.  I have also decided that she wants me to grieve for a time and then continue living a very joyful life that we had together but now building a new chapter that continues that joy.  I've rearranged a few things in the house that makes it "mine" and that has helped.  

About a week ago, she came to me in a dream.  That morning, when I woke up from the dream, I was so happy and felt absolutely enveloped by her love.  I felt she was giving me reassurance that she will always be in my heart and that I needed to keep living and find that happiness and joy.  While I know everyone might not feel this way, I felt she gave me a nudge to take off my wedding ring and go ahead and get that piece of jewelry made that I had decided to get done where I combine her wedding ring stones and mine into a new piece of jewelry.

I've also put her flag from the service on display on my book shelf.  That was something that I felt would make recognition of her death concrete for me.  I have to admit I have not brought the ashes home; those are at my friends house.  I wasn't ready for that yet. Eventually, I'm going to start taking a small bit of them to various places but we are in lock down again here in California....Thanks for reading and listening to my stream of consciousness writings.

Julia

Comment by LorraineS on July 13, 2020 at 8:38pm

My husband died suddenly on June 7, 2020. He was 77 and lived a full life. He had a severe form of Rheumatoid Arthritis since 2006 which rapidly changed his life and resulted in him losing a toe on each foot from the disease. The RA caused many more issues as well and I believe one of those lead to his death.

We were married nearly 35 years.

Comment by outwest on July 13, 2020 at 6:40pm

Darrin sorry for your loss.  My wife of 42 years passed away in April, for the last 14 years our only family was her mother who lives 1200 miles away. So it was just the 2 of us,I miss her all the time but especially in the evenings. No idea what the future holds but I know need to try and work it. 
Hopefully, you can find some help and hope here in the village to move forward.

please take care.

Comment by Rere on July 13, 2020 at 3:25pm

LO,

I lost my husband to COVID the end of April. I share your unbearable pain of losing someone you had done everything with. The lonliness  and sorrow are soooo deep. I am lost and am wondering if it is just time that will eventually help me live again. 

 

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