Widowed 1995-2001

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Comment by chez2all on January 30, 2013 at 4:57am

12 years today...I can't believe we've made it this far without him.  The pain is not so intense, a slow gentle sorrow...but that's ok too.  I will always miss my love, but it hasn't meant that I have stopped living and loving.  It's easier to recall the funny things that happened in our 20 years together...he was a bit of a larrikin and laughter was ever present as we grew together.

Only now are some of his closest friends comfortable talking about him and what his loss meant to them.  So hard to have to keep that inside and so hard that they couldn't share before now.  His children need to know what kind of a person he was and those stories are their link.

Today I spent a couple of hours just sitting, talking with him at the graveside.  It was a peaceful time as I recalled the events of that terrible day 12 years ago.  The sky was grey today and soft gentle rain fell...as if joining me in my grief.  Many friends from this group have expressed their love and support online with fb today too...so appreciated, and it's good to know i'm not alone.

Tomorrow is another day, but today I felt it necessary to honour my husband on this anniversary.  Remembering, talking, crying, laughing and sharing the life we had together, this wonderful man and I.   

Comment by chez2all on August 25, 2012 at 2:50am

Hi I'm Chez from Australia.  My first husband died January 2001 following a 16 month battle with brain tumours.  I have 3 children who were 15, 13 and 7 when he passed (the 16 months of his illness he lost all memory of us).  My focus was to stay at home until the 2 oldest finished high school...which sort of worked.  They finished school and I fell in a heap.  Depression set in after I had finished the task I set myself...lesson learned...always have something else to reach for.

With the death of my 2nd husband in March this year I have been made aware of how much we had not grieved the first time.  We all felt Glenn's death as well as Doug's and it hit hard.  

At the 5 month mark there has been a shift in how we are all coping now...new house on the horizon, travel plans, study plans and work plans for each of us...our new life...and we are moving forward.  It is possible.  For the timebeing I will have 2 of my girls living at home, but I know eventually they will go out into the world.  It's just nice to know they feel the need for family and have reached out.

My youngest asked the question the other day...who is going to walk me down the isle?  It may be me, it may be her brother (as my brother walked me down the isle 30 years ago - my dad is a retired pastor and he married me), it may be one of her uncles...when the time comes we will know what feels right.  There have been bittersweet moments through all their lives and I am sure there will be many more...missing both their dad and their step-dad.  The important thing I have found for us is that we celebrate those important milestones. 

Comment by Paula Rene on December 27, 2011 at 6:34pm

Hi, I am Paula Rene (I think there is another Paula already on here).  I wanted to join this group in hopes of finding others like myself who are going through an empty nest or my son's upcoming wedding in 4 days.  Widows who had to plan a rehearsal dinner all by themselves and can give me hints on how to survive this all.  I'd love to hear if anyone else has already experienced this.  I have already had a few melt downs and keep getting my feelings hurt like when my name was left off the wedding invitation as if my son was hatched or something.  And, the fact that my son's fiance is all about her family and I am left all alone.  It's like another loss when I should be excited about gaining a beautiful, wonderful daughter-in-law.  My nephew got married on the 17th & the father of the bride & groom both gave toasts along w/the best man & maid of honor.  I am dreading this toast & seeing people from the church who turned their back on me when my husband died.  I'd appreciate any words of wisdom on surviving this wedding w/o constant breakdowns.