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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Widowed before 2008

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Members: 64
Latest Activity: Jun 10

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Comment by Therese on May 10, 2016 at 10:04am

So depressed and frustrated.  having a hard time getting my but in gear.

Comment by SweetMelissa on February 3, 2016 at 6:45pm

It’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.” 
― Lewis CarrollAlice in Wonderland

Widowed since June 2007 ...

Hallelujah! Grief has ended ...

Thanks to alot of faith & hard work! :-)


VOLUNTEER
Comment by Soaring Spirits on June 27, 2015 at 3:19pm

We've added new Forum discussions for you to post your special dates in. July, August & September are currently posted.  Please check out our Home Page for links:  HOME PAGE

Comment by Therese on November 2, 2014 at 11:38am

This is the way I look at it because I am a Christian. The moment you do the deed with another person and remain in a relationship with that person as you have you are married to that person in the eyes of God.  A certificate issued by the government is only an outward sign of that commitment like a wedding ceremony that says hey these two people are off the market for good.  A ceremony or certificate does not change what has happened in the heart, mind and soul of the individual.  The fact that this lady has not fled the relationship in any normal relationship would speak volumes of how she feels towards the two of you.  But it is not the average relationship.  She not only has baggage she has ghosts that haunt her in her mind and perhaps and I am only guessing here hold her captive through fear from committing to you and until she can quiet those ghosts and learn to trust both you and perhaps more importantly herself again I would not advise her to marry you either.  Sorry, but there is some healing she will never experience if she rushes into a marriage relationship with you hook line and sinker.  I know this is hard for you to understand but she has lost more than just time, and perhaps beauty being beaten up mentally, emotionally, and physically by these other men.  She has lost trust and confidence in herself, her value, and her strength.  It is quite possible for people who are not healed to bring out the worst in their spouses or significant others creating chaos because chaos they know.  Chaos they are familiar with and feel at home with.  Peace, calm, and love are ironically unsettling for these people and so in the process of trying to feel at peace they sabotage the peace they have creating their own self fulfilling abuse.  As much as any of us want and need to be loved such desire to end abuse makes us leery of commitment unless we feel confident that we have changed ourselves and our circumstances to the point where we are not destined to repeat history again and again.  Just be patient and lover her and give her as much time as she needs.  You are actually loving yourself by doing this.  Of course there is nothing wrong with seeking counseling to help the healing process along, but just know even with great counseling healing still takes time.  You know this from your own loss.

Comment by widower on November 2, 2014 at 10:46am

I have been widowed since Valentines Day 2007, but have had a girlfriend for over 5 years. Have talked of marriage, but she is leary, due to 3 marriages that she was abused in.

Comment by Therese on November 2, 2014 at 10:45am

Sorry for the language in that comment.  I usually don't talk that way and don't know if it is allowed on here.  I just really feel strongly about it and it is nice to hear that I am not the only person that has had the same experience with so called friends.

Comment by Therese on November 2, 2014 at 10:41am

HI,

Yeah you learn really quick who is your friend and who is not.  Who now views you as competition or a third wheel to be leery of as they are insecure in their own marriage relationship with their husbands.  Their problem not ours.  I think the thing I am still adjusting to as I heal and gain confidence as a single in is at my age and my current build woman of all ages find me a threat to their boy friends/dating status when I am dressed up with makeup especially if I am "dressed sexy".  Which cracks me up!  I like dressing up and I am getting to the point where I am about to have a fuck you attitude toward them.  I am so done with trying to dress in a manner that is acceptable to other females so they don't feel threatened or being beat over the head by men who are tempted by my looks and scold me for wearing a shirt that is not tight or revealing the ladies but form fitting.  I am about to take a I don't give a shit attitude and ware what I want when I want where I want and if the person I am dealing with can not handle it verbally confronting them and their thoughts and essentially telling them to straighten up and put the responsibility for their own actions and thoughts back in their court as it should be.  If a guy can't keep his thoughts pure and honorable with me then I will not be doing business with him or giving him the time of day.  No more being nice to save face. Love me as I am or get the hell out of my way.  Sorry just so sick and tired of feeling like I have to do, say and be a certain way because I am a widow.  This widow is going to break the mold around me.

I recently joined an offline dating group which is having some problems gaining momentum.  But I am hoping that is about to change as I have been asked to be a leader.  Wish me luck.

Comment by loveawriter1 on November 1, 2014 at 9:58pm

I became a widow February 2007 after 35 years of marriage. Our wedding anniversary was November 24th. Thanksgiving and the winters are still difficult for me. But I do agree MeetUp.com is great to search for interesting groups to join. I have joined a writers group and most recently a Deep Drumming circle group. I have learned to eat out alone but I still haven't made it to the movies by myself. I have found that some women are afraid of you being the third wheel and these were women I thought were my friends. But I am grateful for the people who have stood by me all these years. They are my true friends. I have tired of the dating websites. There are so many of them and they are costly. I still work and have crazy hours which also makes it difficult to find someone of interest. But I refuse to give up hope of being happy and maybe even in love again. If it happens it happens. I am grateful everyday.

Comment by LLKRN75 on September 18, 2014 at 7:58am

Sorry to hear you are struggling Okie.  I had a really hard time this year too.  My wedding anniversary and the anniversary of my husbands death are only 4 days apart in August.  Makes for a really rough week.  Thank God for family!

Comment by Okie on September 18, 2014 at 5:56am

Widowed October 1st 2007  he was 56  and I was 53 and short of 5 days we were to celebrate our 35th wedding anniversary. We had a good marriage full of many blessings. For almost 2 years he battled throat cancer with all the strength he possibly could.  I go to events, eat out with them and such with our daughters and their families.  I have tried to stay involved in theirs and our grandchildren lives but also turn some of their invitations down  so they don't begin to feel they have to include me in all that they do. September - October is always a step backwards for me as I can't seem to control my thoughts and they are so vivid that it still seems as if it was just this morning that my nightmare began. I would like to add that I wouldn't be as far along as I am without my faith of I know where he is and all is OK with him and I am blessed to still have wonderful support from my family and friends.

 

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