This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."


Widowed before 2008

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Members: 64
Latest Activity: Apr 20

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Comment by Parabegel on July 20, 2011 at 3:09pm
The Anniversary of Scott's death is drawing very near, and even though I am in a happy relationship, I find myself pulling away right now. I actually told my new significant other that all I wanted to do is talk to Scott for a little while. Then I was an ass and told him that I resented the fact that inspite of the fact that he doesn't WANT to speak to his ex-wife, he still CAN do it. I've had a recent health issue and I needed to remember something that happened to be before Scott died, and there is nobody left that knows my past. I shouldn't say that completely. I have two adult children, but they don't really know my true adult past. Both of my parents are dead. Mom died in 1990 and the story regarding my dad is just ugly. I mean I understand now what he went through becoming a widower, but I don't think you should go shopping for a new wife while you "old" wife is lying dying in their marital bed. Just sayin. Okay, bitter, party of one!

I've been spending too much time in a different widow facebook place, but I'm finding that I'm feeling guilty for moving on and finding someone else. There is talk about "settling for anything" rather than be alone, and the guys that are out there in my age group are just losers. Well, my guy's story is that his wife of 22 years decided to try to regain her youth by leaving him for her high school sweetheart - totally without any warning. She said she was going to take care of her mother in another state and two weeks later, she finally told him the truth. Well, less than a year later, she came crawling back but he refused to take her back. He said that when trust is lost, all is lost. He is a kind, sweet, and caring man and not somebody else's sloppy seconds. I don't feel like I'm anybody's "seconds" even though it could probably be viewed that way. He doesn't view me that way, and that's all that matters.

Scott died from a single massive heart attack, with no prior heart issues.
Comment by Patricia on June 13, 2011 at 10:04pm

Truly a Widow, I felt the same way. I thought I should have been further along but finding this group and realizing that others felt the same as me helped me more than anything else.  I will never forget reading posts from other widows who were still consumed with grief as I was. Everyone thought I should be so much better except for other widows who had actually gone through it.  It was nice to be able to tell people that my feelings were normal and there wasn't a freaking ONE OR TWO YEAR MARK when we miraculously wake up healed. I really hope that you take the pressure off yourself as I did.

Comment by lamw18 on June 12, 2011 at 6:03pm
Hi, my husband died of a heart attack in 2007.  I have had to move twice since then and am finally getting my 9 year old daughter and I settled.  Now everyone expects me to start dating.  Have no desire.  Anyone else feel that way?
Comment by Kim on May 17, 2011 at 7:17am
Hi, Going on 4 years of my husband's death on June 22, 2007.  I think of him and how he died of lung cancer and what he went through.. I have my days where I wonder why he died so young and why I am left without him.. I know he would want me to be happy and to meet someone and have a life with someone, but sometimes its hard.  I have dated some but its not the same as when I met my husband so many years ago.. Then again I havent met anyone of the same statute of me being a widow.. Most are divorced which dont understand..I love my husband with my whole heart, he was my world.  Sometimes I just dont understand why I am left alone.. I thank god for this support group.. I am glad I found this site.  Hope to meet or talk to people of the same calibur as me.. Thanks for understanding and reading what I wrote.
Comment by mbutler on May 17, 2011 at 5:21am

My husband's 4th year deathaversary will be on May 27th.  I can feel the crescendo of gut wrenching pain and loneliness building.  I feel hypersensitive.  On of my girlfriends was talking about how her husband was going to pick up some strawberries for her.  It hit me like a ton of bricks.  I want my Steve back to bring me strawberries.  Funny, how something like some stupid strawberries can just push an emotional button.  Another friend is planning her first wedding.  Every day when I see her at work I have to hear the report.  I truly am happy for her, but can't help how it makes me sad that I don't have a special someone to love and to love me back.  I'll be glad when the month of May is over.  Thanks for listening.......


Comment by jrclowery on April 30, 2011 at 7:57am
My name is Jadette. I lost the love of my life, Mike, on May 26, 2007, he was 47.  He had taken our 10 y/o son to an outdoor shooting range and while there the gun my son was holding misfired and my husband was shot in the chest. He was trying to sit up and was talking but just couldn't hold on- punctured lung and shattered rib caused too much internal bleeding. Air evac was on another call so by the time they got there (30 minutes later) he had gone into shock.  He died just as they got him to the hospital. What was frustrating (told to me by the people who helped) was that the sheriffs helicopter was hovering overhead but wouldn't airlift due to government regulations.  That has since changed. I was fortunate to have him for 15 years, married for 13.  A wonderful man who is missed so much.  My son and I had trauma counseling the first year which helped us tremendously and today all of are doing well.  I also ave a daughter who is now 12, and a step-son who is 23. My son is now 14 and I turned 50 in March.  Have not dated yet, though I did go on a trip to Hawaii last Sept. with the guy dated before I met Mike (we kept in touch over the years).  I would like to have a significant other again and some day marry, I just find the idea of dating at 50 a hard concept. Once my youngest is off to college, I plan on joining some sort of medical group (Peace Corps?) and help in third world countries. In the meantime, I am fortunate that Mike was a good financial planner so I don't have to work and I am able to go back to college and work on my nursing degree. I am blessed with a large close knit family and also a wonderful in-law family- they (and counseling) are what have helped us get through losing incredible husband, amazing father and all around fabulous man. Each year on the date of his death we write messages to him on balloons and release them over the ocean where we spread his ashes.
Comment by mntomlin on April 13, 2011 at 2:38pm

Hi all, my name is Jess.  My husband died April 6th, he was 38.  He was driving to a job for work and a man with a known heart condition had an episode at the wheel and drove his VA Medibus through 4 lanes of traffic, hitting Bob head on.  We have 4 children and at the time they were 12, 10, 3 1/2, and 11 months.  It is hard to believe that it has been four years and the kids are so big.  He's missed so much.  He was an amazing man.  The world is a much sadder place without his humour.  I think the kids and I have done alright.  My family is very close.  He would be so proud. 

We were married when I was only 19 (he was 5 years older).  It has been weird to have to learn to do things on my own.  I have found an inner strength that I never knew I had. 

I'm so thankful for the internet and groups like this one...  It's so nice to know I'm not alone....

Comment by jeri on April 12, 2011 at 6:20am
My husband died May 31 in a car accident on his way home from work. He was only 32, I was 22. A couple weeks before he died we found out I was pregnant with our first baby.
Comment by Patricia on April 6, 2011 at 6:49am
My husband John had a brain aneurysm on May 18, 2006. He was recovering nicely from it when he had another one a week later.  He suffered severe brain injury and after almost a year of everything that could go wrong happening, he passed away on April 30, 2007.  He really battled to stay with me. I miss him everyday and every night but I have come a LONG way.  I returned to work this past December after staying in bed for over 3 years.  My sister passed away in September of 2007 and after that I just hid from the world.  Not something I would recommend to anyone.  I found so much strength from Supa's facebook page and really think that is what helped me take on the world again.
Comment by Laura Lee Altobelli-Anderson on April 6, 2011 at 6:32am
I'm right there with you - coming up on 4 yrs May 9th. Mine died of a freak motorcycle accident - he was only 39...

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