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Widowed in 2008

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Members: 105
Latest Activity: Jan 17

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Comment by Katie on October 26, 2012 at 5:00am
I do too. My life is not better, happier or easier than it was before May 2008.

I lost the only place I seemed to truly fit, my husband was that place. I struggle more some times than others, I know the screaming keening pain is not something I have to live with continually, Thank God! I have made big changes in my life and keep trying. Some days are much easier than others. I am thankful for them. I have faith, many blessings and I know I need to keep working to find joy a more constant companion. I am glad for the passing of time, the pain in the beginning of this journey seems impossible to survive, yet we did.
I understand your feelings, I pray something good brings you joy today.
Comment by going to make it on October 25, 2012 at 7:58pm
Sadly, we don't get that choice. Praying for you! Baby steps! (((hugs)))
Comment by justme... on October 25, 2012 at 6:44pm

I just want my old life back, that is all. I can't do this anymore. 

Comment by going to make it on October 5, 2012 at 6:15pm
(((hugs))) Mary! I AM SOOOO HAPPY FOR YOU! Praying the very best of God's blessings on you!
Comment by Mary99 on October 4, 2012 at 5:00am
Well, the changes are coming fast and furious now. I met Russ through CatholicMatch.com - he's a widower also - and we started going out. It was so low key, I wasn't even sure if these were dates! It seems that he was sure from the start, but didn't want to rush me! I wasn't sure if I was looking for just a friend, a permanent boyfriend, or wanted marriage - and I had said as much in my profile. The more I got to know him, the more I recalled the good things about being married - the comfort and stability of knowing that someone is going to be there for you, the right to touch and be touched, and all of that stuff - I know that you know what I'm talking about. And at some point, my desire to experience that love and stability again overcame my fear of being left behind again and experiencing the grief of losing my spouse again. I wanted the " whole ball of wax" again. Well, once I opened myself up to those possibilities, things started happening fast! We're not exactly young any more, and have 70 years of marriage between us (33 for me, 37 for him), and we're engaged to be married next May! I am thrilled, and frequently tell people that if I was any happier, I would explode into sunshine!
I have to say, at least for me, that the second time (especially at 60) is NOTHING like the first time (when I was 22). It's just different. I am different. I am not the person I was back at 22, and I don't have the same concerns (babies, careers, money, etc.) that I did back then. Now, the concern is how much longer do you want to work, where do you want to live when you retire, how do you feel about boomerang kids, are you set financially for retirement, and how's your health? It's like being 21 again - except with a worse body and a better bank account.
I told him that it was just as we'll that we hadn't met years ago. If we had married each other back then, our relationship now would not be the same because of the baggage of 35 years of issues, worries, and arguments that we would be carrying with us. Nothing like losing your first spouse unexpectedly to make you appreciate your second one more.
I still love Tom, I always will - and Russ knows and accepts that. He knows that I would not be the person I am today if Tom had not been the man he was, and if I hadn't been married to him all those years. There is no jealousy over past relationships.
I used to say that, after Tom's death, I was living "life on Plan B". I now am willing to entertain the idea that perhaps THIS could be the real Plan A, and that everything else was just a precursor. I love him that much. To be loved by two such men is a blessing indeed.
Mary
Comment by feline59 on October 2, 2012 at 8:49pm

Hello, I am an almost 4 year veteran of widowhood since I lost my husband of 31 years in November 2008.  He had cancer and also went through liver failure.   I moved from our house a year later to a smaller place closer to my job.  Sure has been an adjustment; each year feels different, I'm me but not the me I used to be, yet paradoxically I'm reconnecting with the younger me and also remembering little details about my husband when he was young.

Besides that, I work for a college and have a month or more off in the summer.  No kids, but three cats, a sister I keep in touch with, great friends and various hobbies.  I'm used to being single now, more or less.  Have dated some, but OK with taking a break from that for now.  So life is stabilized.  I still have my sad times but know they will pass. 

 

New to this site so still learning how things work.

Comment by CrazyWidow on August 28, 2012 at 2:48pm

I wanted to let you all know how much I have loved getting to know each of you. I am stepping back from my volunteer duties with Widville and SupaDupa will be finding someone to take over moderating this group. Thanks for your support and friendship!!

Comment by going to make it on August 13, 2012 at 4:47pm

Lost my 1st husband to cancer in 08 and I feel the same. Sometimes I have a major crash and, for me, I then question is it just one of those days, or is it from the newer, much more raw feelings of losing my 2nd husband so recently. Who knows! All I do know is I feel I'm doing so good then suddenly it will feel like I'm back to square one. All in all I do feel sure I'm healing.

I think you'll find great support and encouragement on this site. I certainly have. Everyone here "gets it" and just knowing I have someplace to go that understands what I'm feeling is all I need some days.  :)

{{{hugs}}} to you and your family.

Comment by CrazyWidow on August 13, 2012 at 4:17pm

Welcome mbpdep - let me know if we can help you surf the site.  One second at a time.

Comment by BoiseJoe on August 10, 2012 at 9:15am

mbpdep I can relate I am a 1969 kid too lost my wife to Cancer in 2008 and there are good and bad days esp near bdays, holidays and kids events... I have 2 teenagers and raising alone has been tough Glad I have good kids LOL... It sometimes seems to get better then a bad day happens and you are like this is not fair at all and why did this happen... I am new to this site so trying to see how this site works and how it can help.. How have you liked this site????

 

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