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Widowed in 2008

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Members: 105
Latest Activity: Jan 17

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Comment by Jeanine on February 23, 2016 at 6:09pm

Widowette,  I, too, relate.  It's been 7 1/2 years since my husband died from pancreatic cancer and at times I still experience what you describe .... not nearly as often as in the past, but it still happens.  I live in a 55+ community and try to stay involved with people and busy, and that helps.  It is also why I don't post on this site often... too busy to stop and read posts from others.  However, I do still get notices of posts and check in occasionally.... like now.  What has helped me the most is my faith in our Creator who cares about us and will strengthen us, if we ask.... through His Holy Spirit and lots of prayers on our part.  May He bless us all.   

Comment by Callie2 on February 23, 2016 at 11:05am
Widowette,
I do relate, you're not loony. Hope your car started! No advice here--I still deal with anxiety from time to time, it's not easy. Hugs to you!
Comment by Widowette on February 23, 2016 at 10:14am

I am certain I have lost my mind!  Hello, ladies!  Thank you, CrazyWidow, for checking in and for all of you who have shared your heart.  I have been writing here for hours and I keep copying/pasting those words to an email to myself and erasing my post.  This is my 3rd post and I am not going to erase this one.  I am encountering and feeling the same feelings and challenges you've all described - my heart goes out to all of us!!  I hate this - my husband being gone is still so hard to believe and I miss him so much I can hardly stand it.  He is always at the surface of everything I do, see, think, hear, feel - constantly.  Walking into our favorite home improvement store, in front of our favorite box of crackers, at the doctors office with our shared physician, walking the dog - constant, constant, constant.  I think I am too philosophical of this part of life to be able to experience it like other women do...or I am just a loony-tune person, a wack-a-doddle woman.  I think widowhood is an extremely surreal experience - I do not feel "of this earth" and I do not understand it - and yet there isn't any other feeling I do understand as well as the ones I am feeling.  I feel my husbands presence here with me every moment and in everything I do...and for as palpable these feelings are - he is as far away from me as he can be, and I feel that just as much.  I read books, explored what I could that would help me understand what I feel and nothing did it for me.  I have never worked so hard at anything as I have at this widowhood and I don't feel I am getting a grasp of it.  This all may sound cold, or odd or another word that hasn't been invented yet, and I don't mean it to.   I miss my husband so much and yet I know this is my life now and he will not be back.  I have changed and I don't like so many of those changes - I miss me from the time I was who I was with him, and I want me back....does that make sense?  No advice please, or telling me what to do or what not to do - that drives me nuts and I find myself going back several steps rather than forward - please don't take offense, I know you mean well.  I don't have family or friends that I have been able to share my journey with, talk to - you know what I mean?  I think grief would have been a bit easier if I was able to share my husband and our sorrows together with loved ones.  Have any of you thought about or actually written a blog or other social means to express your journey?  I wonder if doing that would help clarify this experience to myself and be a positive experience to help me move on to whatever is next in life.  I would love to hear your thoughts on this, especially.  Time to put on jacket and boots and walk out to the car to see if it starts and I can actually get to the grocery stores - Blessings and Prayers to all of you!  (I get sick to my stomach too, can't throw things away and haven't gone through his things ....  just can't do it).

Comment by Callie2 on February 22, 2016 at 6:00pm
GG,
That's got to be hard. I've been trying to get rid of stuff for years, still got a lot to go. I wonder why I keep some of these things. I don't use them, don't look at them, don't need them--heck, I even forget I have them! I am coming to grips with the fact that I need to get moving, fix my house to be saleable and find a smaller place. It's still an emotional thing, I can understand your feelings. Retirement for me is great--I'm sure you'll like it! I was fortunate to be able to retire early and have never regretted it. You're going to get through this, just hang on and don't allow the anxiety take over.
Comment by GG Rose on February 22, 2016 at 3:16pm

I too check occasionally but think that I must be the only one still having empty days.  I'm just now sorting through things as I ready the house for sale and myself for retirement.  My son has been wonderful to do the "heavy lifting".  I've touched and sorted over the past 8 years and I told him, "just box it up.  If I help you, it will not get done." I have such a physical reaction, my lips tingle and I get sick to my stomach.  I just cannot do it. I have no idea what I'm going to do.  I proclaimed I would rent for a year and try to decide what to do.  Now it's time - I've quietly hoped I wouldn't have to ever do this. That fate would intervene...

Comment by Callie2 on February 22, 2016 at 12:45pm
Hi CrazyWidow,
This board has been very quiet for some time. I do check every once in a while, but see nothing. How are you getting along? Seems like 2008 is a long time ago but at times, feels like yesterday, doesn't it? Still missing him each and every day but of course, I have become "used to" missing him. Guess that is really what acceptance is. I hope things are going well for you--life is what we make it I think! I try to be as happy as possible, how about you?
Comment by CrazyWidow on February 22, 2016 at 7:24am

It's been a while-how's everyone holding up?

Comment by going to make it on July 14, 2015 at 7:38pm
I'm still going through things too, Callie. Every time my kids come home, I tell them they better go through their dad's things. They do & take a few more things.
Comment by Callie2 on July 14, 2015 at 2:34pm
Finally able to work on getting rid of a lot of stuff! Grandson and I brought things down from the attic over the garage, dirty dusty stuff from years gone by! Have been working on the shed which will probably take years to sort through. I wonder if I am the only one still doing this? Can't blame it all on him but a lot of it did belong to him. He was a saver but I did try hard to get him to change his ways somewhat. I just feel I need to pare down a lot of stuff, in the event I would have to move or if something would suddenly happen to me, I don't want to leave a big mess for someone. I'm not getting any younger and I feel in a few years, I may not be able to do as much so I am busy and finally starting to see progress. Anyone else still doing this?

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Comment by Soaring Spirits on June 27, 2015 at 3:19pm

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