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Latest Activity: Dec 17, 2017
Hi...I am new to widowedvillage but not new to being a widow. I am no longer experiencing the acute grief of a recent death and want to be part of a group who understands what it is like to be the surviving spouse. Most of my dear friends are married and have their partners. They are sympathetic but I can't expect them to understand what I've been through since my husband died eight years ago. Any tips for someone in my situation would be appreciated. Thanks.
Hi all especially Shayne, It's a hard day I know. I will hit the six year mark on Christmas Eve. Not sure if things will ever be the same. Even though I don't comment much myself, I love this group. We are all in the same boat (most of the time) it seems. I don't think we're crazy. I think we were just caring people that were so close to our partners that we are just taking a while to adjust. I do feel that I've come a long way but I have two friends that have only hit the 2 1/2 yr mark and I know are suffering.
My best friend who passed away 2 1/2 yrs ago is someone who knew when to call and knew when I was having a bad day. Now it's her husband who calls. We have a commeradery (spl?) that I don't share with many. I can talk to him and even though i don't break down, he does. He knows he can cry in front of me or on the phone. I'm so happy that there is someone he can turn to. It's a long hard road. I have another friend who lost her husband over 2 yrs ago and, she doesn't share much. I guess she is more private. I do know by her posts on facebook that she is still grieving.
Susieq I understand you totally. I've been trying to lose weight. I used to go to water aerobics but haven't been back in a while. I'm just trying to deal with my finances (as usual) so I hate to make a comment to spend more money. My son is getting married next year (and that's another story in itself) so with that expense and then we have a family reunion in South Dakota, which I am trying to be able to go to. This whole thing stinks. I have a "man" friend who lost his wife a few weeks before I lost my husband and we have learned to help each other out. Then there are times he would say, let's stop being morbid. I don't consider talking about my husband or his wife as being morbid. I don't think he deals well either. He did mention once that he wasn't sure what his wife thought of him when she died (and that was sudden also). Well, that's pretty sad. So I think there are another set of issues with him.
Oh well, I can go on and on but I must say I hurt for each and everyone of you because I DO know how you feel with the loss of your partner and spouses. I think we will never get over it. We will move on and go on but it will never be the same. We will never be the same ever again. I just said yesterday that I don't think I'll ever get over my husband's death. Of course then I feel that I must be selfish because it's all about me. But honestly he is the one that is gone and I'm the one here without him and stuck in limbo some days.
Well, have a wonderful holiday weekend that is fast approaching. That's another sad time...first of all my Mom died 25 yrs ago this passed Monday and my husband and my 44th wedding anniversary will be on Sept 4. So I just might as well climb into a whole this week and wake up on Monday all refreshed. No, I'm just kidding. Enjoy the holiday. I do love summer but in NC we still have a few more months of it.
Hi Shayne and Steve...I hardly ever comment on here anymore....but seeing Shayne's comment about 6 years triggered me to comment. I passed 6 years 4/30. I miss my Michael every day, I don't know that is ever going to change. Sometimes I think I don't have long to live, because I have gained so much weight, can't seem to lose it. I go to Physical Therapy twice a week, joined a gym but really haven't gone but 2 times for the recumbent bike. So, OK, I am up and moving around more than before,and have gained weight!!!! I don't think there is anything wrong with you Shayne, because if there is, it's me, too. My biggest love in my life are my dog and cat!!! I love them to death, even tho the cat likes to bite.....oh well...my sisters provide no support, my mom died 12/1/13, she kind of understood since she lost my dad in 1973, remarried in 1975. But was concerned with my weight gain and meeting someone!!!! Bless her heart, I do miss her, she was my only family who understood. I never want to forget or move on. Yesterday in the pool at therapy, an older lady was in there and we were talking. I told her I was trying to get in better shape, and she was a widow too, I don't know how long. She said she was more of a stoic widow...her husband always said....ready for it...??? Life is for the living...I wanted to drown her!!!! Everyone says, :Mike would want you to live....NO SHIT....I just spent a lot of money in the last year and a half on the house...mini makeover in kitchen, backyard sodded with some planter boxes, painted the outside of the house. This was starting to be done to see it sometime down the road, but now I think I will stay here for a while. My psychologist isn't happy about it...isolation and all that....but I don't want to be around people all week, or having people drop by. Nobody drops in here, I live too far for them to come visit...so screw it. I think I like it this way. I just want to get in better health so I can do a little traveling and not die and leave my pets. Otherwise, I don't care.Everybody wants me be the old me...I will never be that person. Well,I aa on a kind of depressed day, so I will go for now. Steve, forgot to answer your last letter, and Shayne, there is nothing wrong with you...I don't think!!!
Hi to all:
I'll be brief. Today is 6 years since I lost my Tim; do I miss him-yes; am I sad-yes, do I miss my best friend-yes, am I lonely-yes; do I miss being Tim's wife- yes; do people still think I should be better- yes, but tell me what's better especially when their husband is waiting for them at home, they just don't get it so I've taken to not even trying to explain any of it anymore- I just stay away when I'm feeling sad and vunerable and find my own comfort. I guess the one thing I've learned is I give my self permission to cry, to be alone, to do what I need to do. I still talk to my Tim all the time- is that normal? So I promised to be brief and this has gotten long- thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your kind and encouraging words over the past 6 years. Shayne
Hi Juls & Neen- I struggle with the same things. It is not what I planned but it is my current reality too. Decision making is hard and I paralyze myself overthinking everything instead of just doing it.
My daughter got married last October and I found myself dreading it. It was a very bittersweet and surreal day for me. I was there, made it through without many tears, and thankfully my brother supported me. She didn't want anyone else to walk her down the aisle so she walked alone, but she wore the fancy cowboy boots he wore at our wedding so she felt like he walked her down the aisle. She did have an area set up in the reception area with flowers, his grubby cowboy boots, and a picture of them when she was very little. We also included other small things throughout the day to remind her of all his love. One of the hardest parts of the day was when my mother-in-law arrived. She was very sad, crying, and really missing her son. Me too. I can't imagine what it's like for her.
I hate saying this but I was glad when it was all over. It didn't seem like a celebration to me. It brought back memories of my own wedding and all that I lost when he died. I've never shared these feelings with her though. I put on my brave face and carried on. You will too.
Hi Juls, Yes really stinks being widowed. Nothing we can do about it I know. My son is getting married next year. I am already thinking that I will be sobbing down the aisle. I hope I can think of something that will keep me all together. I hope by next year I can get my feelings together.
It know what you mean after almost 6 years for me, I could just cry some days. I'm sure some of it is pity on myself. I hate having to make all the decisions without having someone to talk to so my friends are the ones that I seem to pull into my decision making sometimes. Thank goodness for my sister and my friends. They have helped me through some tough times. Every day is another day and I hope to keep my self positive.
I hope you handle your son's wedding and if you come up with some good solution let me know.
Yes I am both too....widowed and suddenly. Then I realize that it could be worse. I think of other people's suffering and realize that I'm ok, my husband is in a better place and I have two sons that are always there for me too. That's good positive thinking.
Have a great 4th of July all.
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