Widowed in 2009

Comment

Comment by dazed on October 19, 2011 at 7:17pm

Thanks you itaintme!  I needed to hear that.  Sometimes we just have to say (write) what we are feeling and have it validated for the pain to ease.

Comment by itaintme on October 18, 2011 at 2:39pm

Dazed, you are a child of God and He loves you and will help you through all of this. I think people are generally just so involved in living their day to day lives that they don't think of anything or anyone they can't see. They don't mean to shut any of us off, it's just not on their radar because only we live it. So, here you can talk about your husband all you want! Of course, his life meant something -- even to those who don't want to talk about him. Hang in their, girl.

Comment by dazed on October 18, 2011 at 11:22am

After 2.5 years without my husband I am so in the same place as all of you.  I am searching to find who I am. I have been married for 38 years.  I know who my children's mother is and my grandchildren's grandmother and my husband's wife, but I don't know who I am on my own.  I also still need to talk about my husband but no one, including his family, want to talk about him. It's like he never even existed and his life didn't mean anything.  Thank you all for your beautiful comments.

Comment by freddieb on October 9, 2011 at 10:31am

Oh, Amy P, I know so well what you mean. Walter was a very special man and he made me better.  It was difficult for me to know who I was supposed to be also after he died.  But, I just decided to think of what would make him proud, what were the characteristics in him that I loved the most and how can I continue his legacy of love.  Those things have helped me to continue until I find Freddie (me) again, and I'm on my way.  You will get there too.  Take care and God bless.   

Comment by Amy P on October 9, 2011 at 10:05am

Thank you all for your kind replies. I'm a bit bewildered that I still am feeling so much pain. Of course, I've never been through this before, my husband was the first person in my life to die. I have my parents, and siblings, so it's been terribly difficult to lose my husband. I'm trying to work my way through but I have no idea how to do that. It's overwhelming, but I'm sure you all understand that feeling.

Harold was what made me special, and without his love and support, I can't seem to be able to feel special, I lost it when I lost him. That seems to be one of the hardest things. Who am I without him?

Comment by itaintme on October 7, 2011 at 2:41pm

Amy, you're in the right place here. We understand. Until you've walked in our shoes you really don't know what it's like so we'll have to cut the others a bit of slack. As David's girl still said, they will get it when it happens to them. Those who don't walk in our shoes can't understand that our journey is different day by day. Some days we're the wiper, some days we're the bug. They feel it should be all or nothing, but life's just not that way. We're hear to listen and you can mention your husband's name any time. Our loved ones are still a part of us.

Comment by Susan B on October 7, 2011 at 12:59pm

I "brought down the room" the other night at dinner with old friends whom I hadn't seen in a few years...by reminiscing that the only recording I have of Keith's voice is the one on my cell phone. Got VERY quiet for about 5 seconds. One friend reached under the table and squeezed my hand, then another quickly changed the topic.

Comment by David's girl still on October 7, 2011 at 11:26am

Amy, we want to hear! Feel free to talk anytime. He is still with you. It is 2.5 years since I lost my husband, I so understand that deer in the headlight look.  I use to get angry that no one got it. But, now I just expect them not to.  And a feel a little sorry for tehm cuz one day they will get it when it happens to them. 

Comment by Amy P on October 7, 2011 at 11:03am

This coming Tuesday will be the two year anniversary of my husband's death due to a brain aneurysm. There is no one that wants to hear how I'm feeling now, how badly it still hurts, how much I still miss him every day. I feel like our life together was a dream. We had no children to remind me that he was part of my life. All I have are the memories that could have come from a story I read somewhere long ago. I'm losing him all over again. No one will even acknowledge that he was part of my life. When I bring up his name, I know that 'deer in headlights' look I will get, so I've stopped even mentioning his name. I miss him so much..

Comment by freddieb on October 5, 2011 at 12:17am

Dear dazed, I know how you feel. It makes some people uncomfortable if I mention Walter's name, but I do it anyway because he and I had a life together and I don't understand why when people die we're supposed to act like they didn't exist.  I mean we will talk about past Presidents, world leaders, and celibrities forever after they die and might even get a holiday off work in their honor, but I can't mention my husband's name.  Ridiculous.  But, it makes people uncomfortable because A. They have gone on with their lives because nothing happened by his dying to change their life, after a few sad days or weeks they were over it, and B. It makes them think of their own mortality. Last week in our Bible study class I recognized a young lady that I had seen at Grief Share the year Walter died.  We smiled at each other like long lost friends.  In the class the teacher asked what life changing event had happened in our lives to test our faith or make us stronger.  I didn't say anything at first, but then this young lady said boldly, "The death of my husband in 2006 changed my life."  You could've heard a pin drop, but it gave me the courage to speak out at the end of class and say how losing Walter, the love of my life, in 2009 had changed my life, but also made me very determined to somehow live a full life and carry on without him.  After the class she and I hugged - we couldn't even really remember each other's names, but it was like greeting an old friend and I introduced her to my daughter too.  I'm so glad Henrietta is in that class and she's not a regular member of our church, so that makes it even more special. 

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