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Widowed in 2009

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Latest Activity: Dec 17, 2017

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Comment by Juls on July 1, 2015 at 5:07am

Hi.. I have been reading everyones post here all the time.  They mostly post on the suddenly widowed side.  Well, I am both.  My huband passed in 2009 and it was suddenly.  Anyway, my son is getting married and I am so afraid of blubbering down the asle and at the reception.I just don't want my kids or anyone else to see me crying.  Maybe I could think of something he did that really pissed me off Lol LOL.   Lately I have really been having a hard time and still thinking about all the memories we have made and it breaks my heart.   I am 56 and I have been really lonely lately and I know I am not ready for a relationship but I would love the company also.   I don't understand after 6 years it still comes up to the surface. I know no one has the answer for me but thanks for letting me vent.

Comment by Soaring Spirits on June 27, 2015 at 3:19pm

We've added new Forum discussions for you to post your special dates in. July, August & September are currently posted.  Please check out our Home Page for links:  HOME PAGE

Comment by Soaring Spirits on June 12, 2015 at 11:07am

Hi Shayne ... just wanted to make you aware of a couple of possibilities to meet people.  We have a regional group in the Atlanta area and they have a coffee meet on Friday, June 19, at 10am at Dancing Goats in Decatur.  Not sure if that's too far a drive for you, but thought I'd toss that your way. Tamara, the group leader, is a lovely woman.

Another option ... FOR EVERYONE ... is to add your location in our Connect with Others group.  I see there's someone in Dawsonville, GA, Shayne, that you could connect with here in Widville and perhaps meet half-way sometime. Here's where you'll find the group:  Connect with Others group ... then just look for your state in the 'How does this work?' box, click on that link, and post a comment with your location. We just recently opened up that group so we're encouraging everyone to post their location in there.

Comment by Neen on June 12, 2015 at 10:00am

Hi Shayne,  I just read your message while I was sitting here with tears running down my cheeks.  My friends have been here for one week, one of which is the husband of my best friend who passed away suddenly about 2 1/2 yrs ago.  They just left and I got an instant message that his daughter had a breast biopsy and 95% that really just got to me.  I guess part of it was feeling sorry for myself deep inside.  Their daughter is my goddaughter and I'm hoping to be able to give her support if needed.  She is only 41 yrs old.

But I don't want to slight your need.  I can understand your feelings.  I just realized that it will be 6 yrs this Dec. 24.  I see that time has gone by but honestly that 6 yrs really got to me.  I feel the same way.  I also have friends who are married or whatever.  I hate the position being alone and not having close friends where I live.  My husband and I moved down to NC to get away from the New England weather and as you can tell that didn't work out as we had planned either.  I must say that I do feel "mostly" good and have adjusted (I think) to be widowed but I am very lonely myself at times.  Of course with 3 guests as company the passed week, I might never want to move into senior housing...they are older than I (66).  Two men and my best friend.  Oh my goodness.  That would make one cry or laugh I'm not sure which.  They headed home this morning and now I am trying to get some rest.  I've been up early for the passed week.  We did drive to Savannah, GA for three days and that was so much fun.  But I need a vacation i can just sit around and relax.  That wasn't relaxing because we didn't want to miss anything but every morning we were up at 6:30 or so.  I just wanted to sleep one day until 7:30...LOL

Did you ever think to contact some friends on Facebook?  I have reconnected in the last few years with a girlfriend that I went to grammar school with.  I've visited her and her daughter several times and she has come down here. (She lost her husband 2 yrs ago)  She is still having a rough time and boy do I understand that.  I am going with them up to Vermont because her daughter is running a race and then we are going to visit some old classmates of ours.  That should be so much fun.  That will be the extent of my travels this year except for one night I am going to see The Rolling Stones (don't laugh) with my youngest son.  I am thankful for him because he loves music and is willing to do almost anything for his Mother, within reason.

I have a bucket list, most of which I will never complete but it's fun looking forward to doing things that I didn't do before.   Just some suggestions for you.  I do truly understand your dilemma because even though I've had company, the company is gone and there I go back to my solitary life.  I have found a man whose wife passed the month before my husband.  We have only become friends because he lived where I lived and two years ago moved down to NC.  So I do chat with him and see him once in a while.  He is in no way ready for a relationship and I'm not on his list for that anyway.   He has two sons, college age and one dog.  That is all he seems to be interested in for now and that's fine.  But I would love to meet someone who would like to do day trips and have dinner or just to keep each other company.  Not sure that man is in my area but that's ok.  Whatever is meant to be will be.  Keep us posted.

Comment by Steve on June 12, 2015 at 6:04am
Hi Shayne, sorry you are feeling so bad, and yes I have the same feelings and thoughts too. I don't have any regular friends either. I have tried, but, everyone I have met since Mike passed has been a disappointment. I guess as I have gotten older and experienced so much harshness, pain, I see people more clearly now, or I just am not willing to subject myself to certain people. If someone is an alcoholic, or whatever, I now see it pretty quickly and back off. I didn't use to do this before. If I see that someone is selfish, or unkind, or slightly prejudice, or some certain distasteful quirk, I let go now, verses trying to change them, or overlook their flaw. I've become maybe, too picky. But I also wish I had a good friend or two. A good way to meet people is joining a club, or charity work, or you mentioned a ft/pt job. I have filled my life for now, with taking care of my mother, managing my fathers care in a nursing home, and a boyfriend of almost 2 yrs, who is 27 yrs my junior! I was single and alone for 4,5 yrs after Mike passed and I was fighting at that point with my darkness, loneliness and fear. I had a choice to put both parents permanently in care and forget about them except for visits, or I could choose to do what I did, move mom in with me when dads dimensia got too much, and devote my life to her for awhile. This has been good for the most part, but it's a full time job and I look back and wonder if I made this choice to avoid the loneliness, and to escape the chore of creating a new independent life for myself. I was terrified at the prospect. I'm doing a good thing, getting to spend time with mom, helping her to let go of dad and prepare for his passing, but, I wonder if I took the "easy" way out, sometimes. This is not easy, but I just mean I could have stayed in my fear, faced my loneliness forged ahead in creating an independent new life for myself, but it hurt too much. I was desperate for someone to love, someone to need me, care about me, and so on. I love Chris, he is a wonderful person. So cute and funny, love to watch the world thru his new innocent eyes. But, it's also a lot of work! Lol. Think about bringing home the absolute cutest Labrador or Great Dane puppy. So full of love and excitement of life, so cuddly and full of kisses, so funny. But they also need a lot of training and patients! Peeing in the house, chewing up everything in site, tornado of destruction in a house! Teaching them manners, responsibility to let you know when they need to go outside, it's like having a 25 yr old boyfriend! Lol. Again, lots of fun, laughs, sweetness, but omg a lot of work too! What have I done to myself! I wonder at times. I had forgotten what it's like to be 23-25 was I ever that young that careless with my things? Was I that messy? Did I use 3 towels per shower and throw them on the floor when I was done? Did I come home and just throw my clothes on the floor, and just leave them there for days without a care? Did I eat a meal in the living room and just leave my dirty plate and utensils on the coffee table for my partner to pick up later? Lol. You are getting my drift. whew! And the list goes on! Like a puppy, as soon as their eyes open, they go like crazy, then, as soon as tired, boom! Sleep in 3 seconds, doesn't matter where. Car, sofa, restaurant, movie, out like a light snoring without a care in the world. Did I ever sleep like that without xanex or NyQuil? I so envy his innocent, carefree mind. Everything is beautiful, love lasts forever, he is indestructible, no fear, devoid of any pain, shy of his favorite shirt getting a stain, or missing a show he wanted to watch. He just knows I will live to 100 and that's that! And I will be full of energy and healthy and still running with him. Oh to be that positive again!
But seriously, there are times I wonder what I'm doing. I still feel loneliness, sadness darkness, don't know if that will ever go away.
Comment by LifesAJourney on June 12, 2015 at 5:48am

Hi Shayne,

First let me start by saying that I am terribly sorry that you're feeling so alone and I am glad you chose to post your feelings with the group.  I find it interesting that after almost 6 years I find myself feeling similar feelings as the date of my husband's death approaches.  I have to believe it is very normal.  We go through a major life shift, one that stops us in our tracks and sadly life isn't the same ever again.  I couldn't tell you what I had for lunch yesterday but I can remember every detail of the events of July 17th until I heard the words, "He's gone".  The rest is blur as are the months following the accident.

I busy myself with a job, and a handful of friends I've met since moving to Florida.  Like you, I am not interested in dating and unfortunately (for me, not them) so many of the women I've met are either married or involved and the single women I've met are trying to find a man, again not interested.  So I try to challenge myself to explore and do things on my own.  I love to travel but have found that traveling on my own isn't as much fun as I thought it would be so I have cut back on long trips but will take off on a day trip from time to time.  There is a great group out there called, Women Traveling Together and I've looked into booking a trip with the group.  They have so many interesting trips both domestic and international that I would love to check out.  Here is their website...

I think it is natural for our families and friends to worry about us and want us to get on with life.  I am of the belief that many of us do we just don't always do so in the way that others understand. It's okay to feel the feelings that you have as long as they aren't permeating your life each and every day.  Please feel free to reach out to me anytime!  It's nice to know we are all dealing with many of the same issues. You're not alone!! Be well! Deb

Comment by shayne on June 12, 2015 at 3:58am

Hi to all:

Looking for advice if anyone can help.

Been trying to figure out why the last 2 weeks have been really emotional, sad, very lonely and quite honestly have found myself going to the very dark place and thinking about bad things. I don't think I've felt this way in a long time; just feel so alone, no friends to do anything with( I do have friends but either married(lucky) or busy with their own stuff) just a friend to have coffee with, go to a movie, go for a walk, just talk- oh that was my Tim. So anyway my friend asked when I admitted been really sad, isn't this time of year bad for you? Why yes actually today June 12th is when Tim and I got the news 4th stage lung cancer, I remember the shock, crying and Tim holding me and saying he was going to fight and win this horrific disease. The day my life changed and 84 days later he had gone home to God. He promised never to leave me, he promised he would win the cancer battle, he promised we would grow old together. And fight he did and never complained and I understand he just couldn't fight anymore and he suffered so much especially the last week. People say it's almost 6 years you should be living your life; well some days I can, but most days I just am so lost and so lonely. I have a strong faith and know that God is with me on this journey. I just need to know how others cope, what do you do about the emptiness, how do you find friends; any help , suggestions would be helpful. I often say I want my life back before my Tim got sick, we were supposed to retire and grow old together and yet God's plan was different. Why am I alone- I don't want another man, just some friends or something to fill the void, thinking about another job maybe on weekends? Thanks for letting me ramble and again any suggestions would be appreciated a lot. Take care, Shayne

Comment by Steve on May 18, 2015 at 8:42pm
Hi everyone. I don't know if anyone has experienced the same thing as I, but boy have I become a crier at movies! I have always cried at movies, but since Mike passed, I just cry so much in movies when a character dies, or an animal dies. Or a beautiful moment happens between characters, or a situation stirs a memory. Ugh! It gets so bad sometimes, I have to go to the restroom to get ahold of myself. Can't breathe, sinuses block up, eyes get red and puffy. Many times I have walked out of a theater passing people going into the theater and heard someone say to their companion, "of boy, this must be a tear jerker"! I almost don't want to go, but I avoid movies out that are obvious sad movies. I go to action thrillers or comedies, thriller, spookies, and still the tears come! Lol. One of the first movies Chris and I saw was "gravity" and the scene where George clooney comes back into the ship cabin after he disappeared into space, omg !
Tonight Chris and I went to see Mad Max. I cried!
Then I'm exhausted and dizzy walking out of the theater. Kinda in a fog all the way home. We saw pitch perfect a few days ago, I cried. Ex machina I cried, and the list goes on. Anyway, just wondering if anybody else has experienced the same thing. Night
Comment by Steve on May 3, 2015 at 11:23pm
Hi shayne. You are so welcome. I have always appreciated your replies too. Take care, wishing you well.
Comment by shayne on May 3, 2015 at 2:54pm

Hi Steve:

Thank you for your kind message on February 18th I sincerely appreciate you're taking so much time to respond. I don't check this message board very often, sometimes reading everyone's struggles weighs heavy on my mind and heart and other times it's a little easier.

Take care,



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