Widowed in 2009

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Comment by Drewlady 19 hours ago

Hello All. Drew's 4th sad anniversary today. again running back and forth to the shore.Ran back up today for 2 more masses. Going to visit Mom and Aunt then drive back.

Coming back late tonight, work thursday and friday.So much swimming and sauna to destress I got to work on this hair !!

Some comments, cant believe i'm still doing all of this, well believe it. I say I gotta do what I gotta do !  All that driving i hear.if you are not driving me dont worry about it havent said it out loud though. 

A few outside the family and groups say they are glad the cousins and I are doing this again. But majority have "moved' on after the first year.

Crying in spurts this week. But so very thankful for WV !! Spread the word about it this week to two in my medical center who returned after losing their husbands.  In their late twenties and early forties,I assured them WV is for everyone age. 

Thinking of all .Take good care of yourselves.                                   Drewlady

Comment by Neen yesterday

David's girl still...That wall just comes and hits us when we least expect it.  When I think about it,  It's so nice to know that we all miss and still love our loved ones.  isn't that great?  Love!  But missing them is another story all together.  Happy Birthday to David.  He is celebrating very close to you today you just can't see him.

I can't say that the feeling ever goes away.  It's not as bad as it was but it's terribly lonely still.  My husband passed 3/ 1/2 yrs ago, the feeling is not as bad as it used to be six months ago and it's getting better but the loss is always there.

Comment by Neen yesterday

yes Sharrona.   We certainly understand.  I really do think people feel that you are over the loss even at 4 yrs.  My sister mentioned that yesterday about how hard it was for me to get over my husband's loss.  I'm not sure she realizes that it is still hard for me.  

We all can relate I am sure.  It's a long process and one I never expected would last this long.  I am looking forward in my life but still wish my husband was here by myself.  Maybe you could plant a little of that vegetable garden...a couple of plants.  I had that thought this year but never got it started.  Just don't seem to have THAT much of an interest anymore.

Try your best to use the "good" memories to get your through this weekend.

Comment by David's girl still yesterday

Sharrona, not only do we understand but we are very interested. Today is my David's birthday and like you no one is really understands the wall I walked into this morning. Does this feeling ever go away?

Comment by Sharrona yesterday

4th memorial date coming up this weekend.  I thought I was doing well, even made plans to replant his vegetable garden.  But whoa.  I am just STILL so very much miss him.  way past the time when anyone else is interested.  Just thought you would understand...

Comment by Neen on May 7, 2013 at 8:09pm

I think I'm just feeling sorry for myself.  I'm sure I will get over it.  I've had so much family here for the last three weeks that I guess it is a let down.  My oldest son was here for another five days after the wedding and my middle sister left last Saturday.  As much as I complained about having to cook for my son (complaining to myself) I guess at least I HAD to make a meal.  LOL   Tonight I did make this vegetable dish I had seen on facebook and made it...turned out pretty good.

But as for me, I will go on because as we all know, there is nothing much else to do.  You know I think "helping" someone else is probably what helped me through my son living here.  He needed a place to stay and he came here.

Hope your Mom heals quickly.  It has to be hard on her being laid up a bit.  If she is anything like my Dad, who was widowed after 50 yrs, he didn't want to be a burden on anyone.  I think he suffered his last days but only spent one month in the nursing home before he passed away which was three weeks after my husband died suddenly.  I guess I never really knew who I was grieving for my husband or my Dad.  When we buried my Dad (at the same cemetery where my husband was buried), we all wound up at my husband's grave.   Sometimes there are things you just can't forget.  I had a good cry yesterday and today, missing my husband at my son's wedding.  I help myself together because I really felt that if I started to cry I wouldn't stop.  My son was sad too but kept it together.

"Life is a journey" for sure....LOL   Sometimes it's a journey we just don't understand and really don't like.  

Enjoy the time with your Mom.

Comment by LifesAJourney on May 7, 2013 at 5:35pm

Hi Neen,

Good to hear from you. Sorry to read you're feeling the let down from the big event. Does your son live close by? Will you have the chance to see your son and daughter-in-law often? 

I hope you can find a few activities outside of the home to occupy your time while you're settling in again. I have experienced the empty nest syndrome a couple of times over..college, marriage and then the extended stay when my daughter came home to stay with me after my husband's accident.  She was living in England at the time and managed to stay with me for just over a month before being coaxed to go back to England.  She was a newlywed at the time and I knew that she needed to be with her husband and not fussing over me.  Can't say it was easy by any stretch.

You're welcomed to private message me if you ever want to chat outside of the group.  I am actually taking up space at my mother's home (a widow as well) while she is rehabbing.  She just broke her ankle and needs some assistance getting around for a few weeks. I have to admit it is nice to take care of someone again...Be well.

Comment by Neen on May 7, 2013 at 12:31pm

So now that my son's wedding is over.  I do somehow feel lost.  Even though he lived with me for a while why he was getting his act together, I never felt dependent on him.  Maybe I was dependent on him.  He spent lots of time in his room doing "his" thing...computer games, talking on the phone etc.  I don't want to start to get depressed over this whole thing because it was meant to be.  I don't know.  I think I'm just venting a little today.  I do like having my house back to myself but now I have to cook again for me.  I don't really want to but I am going to the store to pick up some vegetables and make this dish that I've posted online and seemed to be really good. We shall see.  Have a good week everybody.  I'm going to try and get my life back in order.  Nothing else to do but go forward.  Looking forward to the future.

Comment by LifesAJourney on April 28, 2013 at 11:09am

Hi Neen, so glad you had a wonderful day and what a lovely way to end the day. I just know your husband there and smiling down on each of you.  Take care.

Comment by Neen on April 28, 2013 at 7:56am

LifesAJourney, thank you so much.  It was a great day.  A few tears (privately) were shed.  I felt that I could have just sat a cried a few times during the wedding but I kept myself "under control".  People would have said, "What's the matter" and I just knew I didn't want to go there.  My son got a little choked up during the ceremony.  Last night after the reception we came back to my house and watched a few videos with my family.  My nephew was here and he had just lost his father this passed December (his Aunt and Uncle were here too...their Brother) and of course my husband was in the videos too (also their Brother).  Turned out to be some nice family moments and we didn't to forget those we lost.  Nice moments.  So in all in turned out just fine.  I think right now as I am writing this I am shedding a few tears for the lost of those loved ones....so sad..so early but guess that what God's plan for us.

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