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Widowed in 2010

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Members: 274
Latest Activity: Feb 14

Comment Wall


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Comment by goingon (Cynthia) on February 14, 2016 at 6:15am

All the comments here about Valentine's day and anniversaries... What would have been 37 years of marriage was last Wednesday for me.  I'm with my daughter and her boys - ages 3 months and 2 years - and it helped to make the day more "normal" and just another day; but it wasn't just another day of course.  Hal, it sounds like you made a good move to the retirement village you chose.  I think about that - what will I do when the time comes for me to make a move to a community - other than where  I live now  (I mean, we all live in "Communities" don't we?).  But I just wanted to check in and say of course, I get it.  Like we all do... I don't know if I'm even making sense... but well, I hope everyone had a good day in any case...

Comment by going to make it on February 13, 2016 at 2:29pm
Hugs feelinglonely! So thankful for 30 years with my 1st husband! Real marriage; happiness, sadness, heartache, laughter, kids, gbabies,life, death.
I did remarry, just as my husband wanted, but sadly we found out just 6 months later that he had stage 4 cancer (same cancer as my 1st husband). I feel blessed to have that 1 1/2 years with him. We tried to fit as much life in that short time as we possibly could. ❤❤❤
Comment by going to make it on February 13, 2016 at 2:04pm
HUGS everyone! It's been a quiet, relaxing day. Tomorrow is just another day for me. It's for couples & while I'm happy for all my friends who have someone in their life, I'm ok to just skip it.

HAL!!! Good to hear from you!
Comment by Macduff (Hal) on February 13, 2016 at 1:42pm

I get it about people not getting it and how with Valentine's Day tomorrow some of you are feeling this pain. Hearing from you about this makes be grateful for where I am living. Here with rare exceptions, people do get it. Because this is a continuing are retirement community those who are married (and haven't had a previous spouse die) get to know so many widows and widowers that they know that if they survive their spouse, they too will be in our shoes. We often talk about death and dying, although we certainly talk about other things (from politics to physics - we happened to have six physicists living here). Twice a year we have just about everyone attend the Rite of Remembrance for the 40 or 50 residents who died during the previous six months. Residents like me reach out to the newly bereaved, although we have a wonderful counselor who does this, and who everyone likes, and isn't ashamed to visit. I find I also end up talking to residents about their grief  when their spouse died 10-15 years ago. While there is a specific grief group here run by the counselor, you can always find another resident to connect with you if you feel a need to talk about a resurgence of grief.

Comment by feelinglonely on February 13, 2016 at 1:26pm

Hi to my friends from 2010:

Doesnt seem like I am going on 6 years without the love of my life.  I still am amazed how people just dont get it.  For instance, tomorrow is Valentine's Day--a happy day for most--to me it is just another day.  Holidays, special days are just another day to me.  I get by---Going to Make it---those wedding anniversaries are the worst.  I would never wish this hurt on anyone--yet--it will happen to each and every one sooner or later.  I still get jealous when I see older couples laughing, smiling, holding hands--but it is just for a brief moment.  I am just happy I had my love for 41 years--some never get that.  Hugs to everyone.

Comment by Babsy on February 13, 2016 at 1:13pm
Hugs to you.

You are right. They don't get it. But that's ok. We are all doing the best we can. You are still loved. the love from your spouse will never change...ever.
Comment by going to make it on February 13, 2016 at 10:15am
Today would be my anniversary. Either no one remembers, they don't know what to say, or feel it's better not to say anything. They just don't get it. I'm glad they don't get it, because that would mean they would be on this journey too & I don't wish that on anyone!
Just knowing that there are people in my life who do "get it" means the world to me!
Hugs everyone!
Comment by Dianne in Nevada on January 17, 2016 at 6:48pm

Hal, I laughed out loud with your pot post. Thanks for that.

I posted this quote over in the 'positive posts' forum but don't know if it was widely seen. Thought it might resonate with this group. It did for me.  I like thinking that I'm creating some beautiful things to occupy the space my Vern no longer physically occupies.

Comment by going to make it on November 20, 2015 at 6:43pm
Thank you so much Cynthia!
Comment by goingon (Cynthia) on November 20, 2015 at 6:03am

Going to make it -

I'm so sorry about the loss of your granddaughter; I can't even imagine the loss.  But your sound like you have such a wonderful attitude!  

My youngest grandchildren are 2 and almost 1 month; I haven't been to visit yet, but I'm going the first week in December.  I've through about moving closer to them; but they live in Texas, and I just don't know how I'd handle the summer weather there - I really don't do well with the high humidity.  But I miss my youngest daughter and the babies so much, and I'm actually so lonely here.  Too many losses in too short a time... 

I've been doing a lot of art this year; more than in the last 5 years combined, and it's been very healing.  I've only lived here a little over 2 years, and I have made a few friends I consider good friends, but not enough.  I need a "tribe" of people who get me... My therapist keeps telling me I need to make friends with people I can grow old with... and I get that, but one can't control these things that much, I think; you either click with people, or you don't.  And this is a small town.  People are very nice, but also a bit "clique-y".  

But... I'm doing a lot of the things I love doing, and I'm trying to find more social activities so I can get more involved in the community.  

You do have a lot to consider about moving!  I'd say that if you are going to make a move, do it before she gets any further into high school, or wait until she graduates!  I remember when I had my psychotherapy practice, one one of my clients was a young woman who had moved to CA from the east coast.  She was the youngest in her family and when she left for college, her parents moved away from where she had grown up. She said she felt like she didn't have a "home" to go back to.  But that's what a lot of do - the kids are gone, let's go!  and that's okay.  When I sold my house in CA, and my mom moved to assisted living and her house was rented, my daughter was sad; she said she would really miss having a "home" in CA; but she was married by then... But while you do have a daughter to consider, you also have to do what is best for you.  As  you said, life is too short.  

Good luck with all these decisions!  


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