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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Widowed in 2010

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Dianne in Nevada is your group greeter.

Members: 274
Latest Activity: on Monday

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Comment by feelinglonely on Monday

Ceilya--I also hope the site doesnt change too much.  Its funny, once you stop working like I did, you no longer learn any internet tricks.  When I worked I had an IT Dept and that is pretty much how I learned.  Jeez, it took me weeks to get used to my smart phone.  So, Dianne if you're listening please give us older folks a break.  We are so used to this site the way it is.  Im just so happy to find some of my friends from the 2010 group are still around.

The stone that I have was given out at an All Souls Day Mass at my cousin's church.  I keep the stone in my bedroom right in front of my husbands picture.  I, too have lost so many people--it breaks my heart.

Health wise Im not doing so good.  I dont understand how I used to be so healthy--never took a sick day--but, since he's been gone, everything has gone to pot--headaches, neck pain, back pain, bp--you name it, Ive got it.  The worst is I get dizzy spells, I can be fine one minute and then wham--dizzy.  It so scary at night when I am alone in the house.  As Ive said before I never ever thought I would be alone at this age--68.  But, I guess no one ever thinks this will happen to them.  I always tell people I wish I would have went first.

Anyway, I am ranting again so it's time to finish up.

Good hearing from you Ceilya and wishing you well.

Joan

Comment by ceilya on Monday

Oh Dianne please don't change the site too much.  For those "old" people like me it was difficult finding it when it went to soaring spirits.  I thought I had lost all of you at that point.  I can't imagine sharing the feelings I do on here on Facebook.  This site is safe and I just don't get that when I venture into Facebook.  This is so much more of a support system at least for me.  You were here from the beginning with me and I am so glad to see you are still here.   Every time I go to Nevada I think of you.

Joan I love the saying on the stone and how true the words are to those who have lost someone dear to us..  Holidays are always the most difficult time as is the anniversary date of Jim's passing.  I have lost a few people since Jim passed and each leaves it's own little hole in my heart.  By the time it is my time to leave this earth there shouldn't be much of a heart left.  If I did not work full time I would volunteer.  People are so appreciative and it does fill up time.  I have taken online classes for my business and they are time fillers as well.

Hal I have watched you from day one.  I remember your journey to Oregon and now it sounds like you have settled in somewhere you feel comfortable.  I live in a retirement community with tons of activities but with working the only thing I have been able to go to has been bingo.  One day I keep saying I will join our putters club, or shuffleboard or bocci ball or one of many.  But I am so glad you are doing well.  I love hearing your stories and knowing your status.  

Kerryn, Gosh I remember when the boys were young 7 years ago.   I too have friends that are a little younger and some older.   It is just good to talk sometimes regardless of age because there just might be the one thing someone says that would touch your heart.   So proud of your boys serving.

Corlene,  Outside looking in is so true.   I was invited to go on a RV trip with 5 couples and I declined since I know it would be difficult to be the one person outside looking in.   Some of my friends (couples) I fit in well and others I am an outsider.  I have been told it is my perception but I don't think so.

Thank you all.   This is a difficult week for me for some reason and I cannot put my finger on it but I will get through it especially knowing this site is here and all of you to listen. 

Comment by feelinglonely on January 11, 2017 at 7:31am

Hello to everyone in this 2010 group!!!  It's so great to see everyone's posts and seeing how we are all doing.   I never really drifted away from the site--I always read the posts, but, lately Ive felt the need to reach out to others in my same situation.  I cant believe that this coming September my Robby will be gone 7 years.  It just seems impossible--I never thought I would make it to the first anniversary let alone now seven years later.  I still miss and talk to him every day and whenever something goes wrong I look up and say WHY.

The holidays were OK--but they are not the same no matter how many years go by--I am still jealous of the happy, smiling couples.  But, it was much better than the first few years.  I was actually able to go to christmas concerts this year and last.  I could not do that in the beginning and I didnt want to.

I do volunteer work at my church--thanksgiving baskets, etc.  I am now teaching CCD to little second graders which is so fun for me as I have no grandchildren.

I met another woman from my church who was widowed three years ago--she is 58 and I am 68 but we get along really well and understand one another.  Most of the other widowed ladies I know are in the late 70's and early 80's.  They are sweet and understanding but a little too old for me to hang around with or to talk on the phone late at night when I am lonely.

I have a stone that says "Grief is the price we pay for Love" and that is so true.

I glad everyone in the 2010 group is doing as well as we can, still loving and missing our beloved spouses, but starting to live again.

Thanks to everyone for being here for me.

xxx's to all

Joan

Comment by Dianne in Nevada on January 10, 2017 at 10:25pm

Gosh, what a wonderful surprise to see your posts!  I have so often wondered how those who no longer visit are doing. Like you, ceilya, I've hoped that means all are doing well and living their lives. Facebook has pulled many away, but I'm grateful for this safe place where honest feelings can be shared with those who 'get it'.

I retired in March 2015 and have had no regrets. I keep busy with volunteering, online classes, traveling. I miss Vern and the life I thought I'd have when we were both retired - but I'm happy doing the things I'm doing ... just a different happy, I guess.  

Remember that this place is here for you. We're going to be doing some updating soon and the site will look a bit different ... but hopefully it will be a 'good' different ... just like these new lives we're living.

Comment by going to make it on January 10, 2017 at 6:24pm
{{{Hal}}}!! So good to "see" you! Glad to hear you're doing well & that you rocked it today. One year I realized at the end of the day that it was my husband's birthday! I felt so guilty for a few moments for "forgetting" & then I let myself off the hook & took it as a gift that came with a healing heart.
I know Betty is proud of you! ❤
Comment by Macduff (Hal) on January 10, 2017 at 3:26pm

Today is my seventh year, starting my eight without Betty… Like the rest of you who still log on here occasionally I think of her every day. This afternoon I was taking a nap and one of the dogs (Mac and Duff are the Westies) was snuggling next to me. In my half awake state it felt like Betty, nice and warm and alive, was next to me. This morning I was at the coffee shop where I live and sitting with a woman whose husband died five years ago, a man whose wife died six years ago, and only then did I realize Betty died seven years ago today. Bad news about an 80 old man whose wife of 63 years died suddenly last month, who I’ve befriended (this is a better place than most to have a spouse die - lots of comrades in grief.  A few days he had a heart attack, laid on the floor for hours until one of his kids tried to call. We all have optional to wear wrist bands to call for help; but for whatever reason he didn’t do this. BTW this is where I am http://willametteview.org 

All my love to all… 

Comment by Corlene on January 10, 2017 at 2:08pm

As we approach our 7th death-aversary,  I still find myself wanting to tell Jack the days activities.  I have come to our home town for a short visit.  It puts me in contact with folks we went to school with, family on both sides, & places where we went for dates.  All around me are reminders of our young married life.  I have another 8 days here.  I will be glad to get back to my home.  Jack is always part of my days but here..............oh it is like memory over load! 

Kerryn, I retired in 2012.  I volunteer more for my own benefit.  I could easily become a hermit but I refuse to do it.  I know it is healthier for me to be out & about & mingling with people.  Breaking the inertia of staying home alone, is not easy.  Whatever your hobbies & interests are now, will be what you do after retirement.  Good luck.

Ceilya,  Sometimes I feel like I am on the outside looking in.  People have lives & spouses & have no idea what being widowed is.  I am glad they have that freedom but I am jealous of their innocence.  I am grateful for this site.  Best wishes to all

Comment by Kerryn on January 10, 2017 at 11:02am

Ceilya,

I completely agree!  I think of Dave daily -hard not to with our boys.  It has also been a while since I have posted here as well.  I forget the support that I do find here.  I also agree - people, even those closest to me, have completely gone on with their lives.  I have too,  yet most of the time, I still feel stuck in quicksand.  This just isn't how I envisioned life would be with my sons almost grown.  My oldest is in the Air Force in Japan.  He hasn't been home in a year and his leave this coming summer has been canceled as he is having to fill in in Guam, so - not sure when I'll see him next.  Thank goodness for Facetime.  My youngest is a junior in hs and pretty social.  I find myself either wandering an empty house or enjoying the noise of ten,16-17 yr olds.  I have friends and family - but they all have their lives too and I don't want to constantly intrude.  My youngest now is also considering the Air Force.  I'm not sure I know how to handle all of this alone....  It's very different than I imagined my life would be at this point.  I can't even fathom what retirement will be like, though that is a few years off yet.   

Comment by ceilya on January 10, 2017 at 10:36am

Oh my it has been a very long time since I come here to visit all of you.   Although sad to have met you here I find it comforting to see names from 6 years ago when I came here not knowing how I would make it 6 days let alone 6 years.   Time is a blink of an eye and I try to make the most of every day.  Jim comes to mind daily even when I wish him away so I don't have to think.  I smile at some of the things he did and shake my head other times.  When I have quiet time I watch home movies so I hear his voice and watch that mischievous smile.  It is still very difficult for me as I try to run a business always trying to pretend life is perfect for my clients and my family.  After 6 years everyone expects you to move on but until they are in my place they will not understand nor do I expect them too.   I don't see many new posts here and am going to believe that is a good thing and everyone has moved forward with their lives.  But I would like to know how you are doing it helps me to know we are all ok.   Thanks for being here 6 years later for me.   So much to talk about and this is my safe place.   Ceilya


VOLUNTEER
Comment by Soaring Spirits on December 31, 2016 at 10:58am

If you find yourself alone this evening ... we'll be in the Widowed Village chat room tonight to keep each other company. 

Event post:   http://widowedvillage.org/events/new-year-s-eve-in-the-chat-room

If you haven't tried it yet, here's a direct link to the chat room: http://widowedvillage.org/chat

 

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