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Widowed in 2010

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Dianne in Nevada is your group greeter.

Members: 273
Latest Activity: Sep 14

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Comment by ceilya on September 14, 2017 at 11:13am

Hi Everyone, I see the last comment on here was a while ago which may be good.  It was also made on my Jim's birthdate by timetofly.  How ironic.  I have this fear that I will check in here and it will be gone.  I don't get on here often since I work and when I get home I actually "hate" looking at a computer.  I know I should check in more often so that I can be of some support for others as ALL of you have been to me during this past 7 years.  I believe I did write when I lost my brother who was my best friend.   Just as I was dealing with a little peace of Jim being gone, my brother who just jumped  in when Jim passed without a day missed, dies of cancer only 2 1/2 weeks after he is diagnosed.  So what brings me here today other then to see how all of you are is more drama of course.  I miss Jim the most when things go wrong.  Ever feel like you want to get in the car and just go.  Not tell anyone and just go and start over somewhere where no one knows you.  Well that is how I feel.  But then of course the responsible side of me says be responsible.  You have a job, precious grandkids, a home that is falling apart, and of course my beautiful dog.  So here I stay to face another challenge.  And yes I know I should be thinking as my mom would say "it could be worse you could be in Florida" but right now all of this is overwhelming and that is why I am here to vent.  Because although there is a lot going on in our country you all understand it is OK to feel badly about what is going on in our lives as well.  I won't get into the roof situation because I already feel better putting it out there.    Dianne if you would let me know when you have a widows retreat in the Las Vegas area I would love to attend.  I am in Palm Springs area of CA so it is an easy drive for me.  I rescued my dog in Vegas  when Jim passed.   Well again thank you for being here when I feel the urge to bare my heart and know it is safe.   Ceilya 

Comment by TimetoFly on August 18, 2017 at 9:02am
Hey Y'all. Often get emails with updates but have stayed quiet.
Have recommended this site often as it was a God send for me while in the
Middle of the storms of grieving. As the years go by I have thought of all
Yet not wanting to come back here as I fight to keep in the present and not
looking rear view mirror. Very grateful to have my husband supporting me even after he's gone. But can't believe I have not been hired anywhere. Have been running an Airbnb for
a bit that had been my biggest pipeline of income and social interactions. Have yet to find a friend to kick around with. All have older kids to travel with etc or have
found new loves. Grate to have the peace these years have brought about. Which makes it possible to help others in their times of loss. Isn't funny though how all the emotions etc can come at you out of the blue? This past Anniversary I had a family gathering that I looked forward to and planned for but when the day came I couldn't think straight as emotions just kept coming. Thankful to my older sister who is widowed as well as she helped me to feel less strange. Still was a great day with all but guess it was the reality of more losses to come as we all are aging and tomorrow is not promised. Our baby brother had just finished radiation for tonsil cancer so that point was even more poignant. Thank you all for being my blessing Angela and heart touch stones in this journey. Heart bows yo you all. Here if you need me...
Comment by crying on August 17, 2017 at 9:55pm
Macduff
Funny I was thinking about you the other day. Not sure why but I was. It was nice to read your comment. I will always remember you and the love you have for your wife. Take care of yourself Lisa
Comment by crying on August 17, 2017 at 9:53pm
Hi dianne
You know I'm still around. Almost 7 years still not one ounce of sunshine to report. I'm just trying to make peace that I just won't have it. Never on this site. Maybe I should come back on... I just don't know
Comment by Macduff (Hal) on August 17, 2017 at 3:43pm

Hi Dianne,

I get an email when someone posts here so always want to respond. We all gave each other so much support during the intense years of 2010 - 2013 and beyond. Since I live in a continuing care retirement community with 450 residents many spouses die each year, so the long time widowers and widows are always here for ongoing support. We obviously have couples where one spouse is terminally ill, or have dementia, and we support the caregivers as well. Our counselor has a group, but a few of the rest of us go the extra mile to reach out to new widow/ers and those who know they will jin this group. 

Comment by Dianne in Nevada on August 17, 2017 at 11:42am

Just saying 'hello' and doing a check in to see if any of my fellow 2010 wids are still hanging around here.  Always nice to get an update from those we got to know here in this group. Please share what's happening in your life these days.

My wedding anniversary (would have been #48) arrives next Wednesday and the death date follows a month later. Even after all these years, those 30 days can still have an impact. I started doing random acts of kindness on our wedding anniversary at #45 and that's been helpful. Haven't decided yet what I'll be doing this year.

I've retired and fill my days with volunteering - here in Widowed Village and for all of the Soaring Spirits programs. I was at Camp Widow in San Diego last weekend and got to see and meet some Widvillers there. I attend all of the Camps as the volunteer coordinator, so I'll be heading off to Toronto in November.  I lead a local widows group that meets a few times a month and I'm holding retreats in Folly Beach, SC and Las Vegas using the Brave Girls' Soul Restoration curriculum. Keeping busy and doing good things for others has helped me to heal. I still miss my Vern and know that I always will, but I've learned to appreciate the good things around me during this time of my life.

Comment by feelinglonely on February 23, 2017 at 10:46am

Macduff--Thanks for sharing the fabulous picture of your fur babies.  I am sure they help with the lonliness.  I do plan on moving to an over 55 development one of these days, but there is always something holding me back--now it is the hip replacement--dont know when yet--I am meeting with the surgeon to discuss on March 2.  I wish I would dream of my hubby--but I dont.

 

Cynthia--your volunteer job holding the babies sounds great.  I dont have any grandchildren and I am so jealous of my friends who are just starting --they all seem so thrilled.

 

It really sucks to go to all these doctor appts on my own.  When my husband was around, we did all those things together.  Moral support--I miss that,  But, the hugs and suggles are what I miss the most.

Take care everyone---thanks for being here---even after all these years.

 

Joan

xxxooo

Comment by Macduff (Hal) on February 22, 2017 at 8:01am

I am sorry to see old friends still here facing life alone. I’m in the same boat, but I have been lucky enough to have stayed physically healthy since Betty died. I know that when I finally end up in the hospital for something I will be cared for by strangers. 

At least where I live there are lots of widows and widowers, and couples where one spouse isn’t long for this world. We have a built in support system. I look back at what we were feeling and expressing here the first two or so years and see that those of use who kept posting were dealing with acute PTSD. I certainly was. I am still moderately depressed most of the time, and it has nothing to do with Trump. I find that I sleep “perchance to dream” about Betty. Sometime the dreams are sad and frustrating, sometimes happy, but either way  at least she is in them. My connection with Betty is also through the Westies who Betty loved so much. 

Comment by goingon (Cynthia) on February 22, 2017 at 6:41am

Celiya and feeling lonely -

I too had to face surgery without Don and I went though "who is going to help me?" I had major back surgery 3 years ago.  Someone suggested I call the university that is here in town and see if a nursing student would like the job, so I did and a lovely young woman who had just graduated with her bachelor's degree in nursing came and took care of me.  

It's so hard being without Don, and of course, we're all here because we all get it.  I volunteer at the hospital and hold babies in the NICU; the nurse was thanking me for helping and I replied "we all need to be held" and the first thought I had was "who's holding me?  No one."  And it sucked.  I hope your surgeries, when you decided to have them, go well.  

Comment by feelinglonely on February 22, 2017 at 3:56am

Ceilya--Tried to send you a message to your inbox but I guest I am not on your friend's list.  If you friend me, then we can talk privately.  I think I sent you a friend request??

It's so sad all the people who are affected by our loss--but not like us.  Can't believe it is almost 7 years and it still hurts so bad.

I went to an ortho who told me I definitely need a total knee repacement.  I am going to a surgeon next week to discuss my options.  Scared to death.

I am also here for you--anytime. 

Regards,

Joan

xxoo

 

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