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Widowed in 2010

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Members: 276
Latest Activity: Jan 3

Comment Wall


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Comment by pottergirl on January 3, 2020 at 3:06am

ceilya, I honestly would love to hear Jim stories so feel free to message me any time with them.

Comment by ceilya on January 2, 2020 at 12:02pm

Sorry it wasn't Hal whom I quoted it was "going to make it" so thank you because like I said I can depend on this site for my comforting constant.    

Comment by ceilya on January 2, 2020 at 10:45am

Oh my gosh I don't get here much and all of a sudden I get a reminder that there is recent activity and as silly as it may sound I was excited because you are all the people I started with when Jim passed and yes it will bet 10 years.   And Kerryn like you I just bury myself in my work.   But unlike you age is catching me and I now will accept the fact it is time for the kids to take the business and I will be the shadow in the background.    Missing Jim has become more tolerable but the hole in my heart has not sealed itself.   When I was hurting the most I was able to come on here and read into the messages that others were right there along with me which helped confirm I was OK.   Now here we are again.   And as sad as it is, I am grateful to have you here.   The years are a blink of an eye to me.   Not everyone wants to hear the "Jim stories" but he few people who still do I am always happy to share them and not only do they continue to make me shake my head and smile sometimes I am amazed Jim and I made it to 40 years of marriage.   Happy New Year to all of you that have gone through the 10 years with me and as Hal perfectly said it "you are a comforting constant" in my life.    Will check in more often.   Ceilya

Comment by Kerryn on January 1, 2020 at 3:05pm

Happy New Year to you all.  Seems odd it has been so long since touching base with some of you.  This Christmas was our 10th without my husband, and starting year 10 without him.  My boys were 9 and 14 - now turning 20 and 24 -hard to believe. Marla - I agree - the pain is quieter and less raw, though still rares its head, especially with both boys out of the house.  That time when we had made all these plans as to what we were going to do when the boys were off and on their own.  I'm wading through it - often burying myself in work just to not have to think about it.  

Hoping all are well, and have wonderful experiences this year.  Kerry

Comment by pottergirl on January 1, 2020 at 2:46pm

February 16th will be the 10 year anniversary of my husbands sudden death.  It feels like yesterday and a million years since I last saw his beautiful smile.  My youngest child was only 14 months when he passed and she is now 11.  She is sweet and such a bright light.  My boys are now 31, 25 and 20; pretty much all grown up.  The two older boys had their struggles with drugs but they could not sustain that practice, got off them, and are doing well.  My 20 year old is amazing.  He's in college, studying geography, and has a heart full of love and light.  It's amazing that we all survived the trauma and are living full lives.  I love the idea of the NEW Year.  Letting go of that which doesn't serve us and replacing it with new ideas that will lead to new adventures.  These last few years I have taken the time to remember my Elliott, all of him, good and bad.  It's nice.  I don't believe a day goes by when I don't think about him and I still write him letters from time to time.  The pain is quieter now and much much less raw.  I wish you all much love and happiness as we move into 2020.  As the 10 year mark comes up on your calendar may your heart be full.   I'm always here to read, listen and understand.  Marla

Comment by going to make it on January 1, 2020 at 1:56pm

HAL I'm excited it's New Yea'rs If for  no other reason than I've "heard from" 2 old friends today! First, Soaring Spirits, and now you! Funny how you guys are a comforting constant in my life. 


Comment by Macduff (Hal) on January 1, 2020 at 1:19pm

Jan 10th is the date for me. I live in a senior community in Oregon and am psychically healthy at 76 but a couple of acquaintances her got sick suddenly and died last month so I decided to get my affairs in order. I was told by chance at the credit union where I have a small account that I had no beneficiary named so I did that. Then I emailed our old bank in Massachusetts where I have a fair amount of spare money for emergencies asking who my beneficiary was. They emailed back that it was my wife. That was a surprise since they should.have told me to change it when I switched from a joint to an individual account which I needed her death certificate to do. I will work on fixing that tomorrow, but it is yet one of those blindsiding examples in the category of "who needs it?" 

I am also redoing my will and getting some other matters related to my estate updated, yet another reminder of one's mortality. 

I live among some 450 people in what's called a continuing care retirement community (CCRC) with lots of couples where one spouse is ailing, and of course many widows and widowers. Death is a constant presence here. There are three or four bulletin boards in different buildings here where 3x5 death notice cards are posted every day. I always check them out when I walk by and am sometimes shocked to see a name on one of them of someone who I didn't even know was sick.

Unless I meet and fall in love with a very rich woman who wants me to move into her palatial home with her my name will be on one of these cards some day. I know that my beloved Betty would be amazed that someone hasn't snapped me up by now as before she died she said she figured I was such a good catch (with the big bonus of the Westies which are still a great comfort to me) which she said were chick magnets. She figured six months and I'd have a much younger woman, a new cookie as she put it. I couldn't stop sobbing for six months. 

I have three loyal companions in my life: Mac, Duff (the Westies) and loneliness. Mac and Duff will die at some point, and unless love sneaks into my life again, she will be my loyal companion until my final breath. 

Comment by going to make it on January 1, 2020 at 1:06pm

So true Soaring Spirits! Hugs!

Comment by going to make it on January 1, 2020 at 1:05pm

Happy new decade! I p.r.a.y peace, happiness, prosperity, and lots of fun for each of us!

Comment by Soaring Spirits on January 1, 2020 at 12:43pm

2020 ...that means those of us in this group will hit ten years since our loss sometime during the next year. As others have said throughout this site, sometimes it feels like a really long time and other times feels like it was just yesterday that my Vern left this earth. Whether we've entered into a new relationship, moved to a new home or city, or have traveled or added new activities to our life, triggers can bring us right back to that date in 2010 that we had to say goodbye to our loves. Please know that you can share here no matter how long it has been and know that there are others who will understand completely. It's good to be able to say their name.


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