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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Widowed in 2010

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Members: 274
Latest Activity: Jan 25

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Comment by feelinglonely on January 25, 2017 at 1:58pm

Kerryn--Wow your kids were so young when you lost your husband.  I cant imagine how hard that must have been for you and them.  My daughter had just turned 40 when Robby died. 

It's true Breezy and Kerryn--we all need someone to vent to--I hate to vent to my daughter--she lost her dad.  I believe she thinks I should be fine by now, but I am anything but fine.  I do have a very nice church family but most of the widowed women are in their late 70's, early 80's.  They are all good listeners and understand, but as for help--no.  I help them out.  Took a few of them to a senior center to get them help with medicare.  I also teach CCD on Sunday mornings to 2nd graders--that gives me a lift--I dont have any grandchildren so these kiddies are fun.

I cant believe its almost 7 years--I never thought I would make it this far.  My husband and I did everything together and we got the shocking news of his cancer I went with him to every appt, every treatment, everything, we were together 24/7.  It makes me so sad--if he were here--I'd be ok.  Oh Well--not the way I pictured I would be at age 68. 

Yes, Breezy--one day at a time.

BTW--Iam still wearing my wedding rings--it just looks wrong without them

Bye for now

Joan

Comment by Breezy618 on January 25, 2017 at 1:38pm

Hi friends. Kerryn, Peter died 12/31/2010. I agree with all of you: this place is the one place where there is no judgement and we all understand how much life changes with the loss of a spouse. My children are 28 and 26, my 26 year old is still at home. She works, but relies on me too much, which I've not done anything to change, because like you all, I miss having someone to share everything with, and also like you, I'm not sure it should be my children. I'm just learning how to ask for help, as I'm unemployed at the moment and need to work. Hal, how wonderful that you are a kind help - death and grief seem to make people very uncomfortable, and I also have gravitated to a career helping folks cope with loss. Joan,perhaps a church group could assist? I'm so sorry to hear your worst fears were realized. The information on Air Force Moms was great! I'm an AF brat...and I miss the military community, as I married out of the upbringing. I think we all deserve a hand for making it this far, and I'm learning that one day at a time is the best way of life. Thanks for being here, all.

Comment by Breezy618 on January 25, 2017 at 1:30pm

Comment by Kerryn on January 25, 2017 at 1:05pm

Joan, I'm at the beginning of year 7.  Dave died Dec. 24, 2010.  I can honestly say this is not the way I thought my life would be at this age. It's not bad, just not what I had - can be very lonely at times, especially when there is no one to share the day with, vent to, etc.  I have two sons - Dane is 20 and a firefighter in the Air Force.  He's been stationed in Japan for

I have two sons - Dane is 20 and a firefighter in the Air Force.  He's been stationed in Japan for year, and next month will be temporarily stationed in Guam.  Both too far/too expensive to visit - though FaceTime helps a lot. Derek will be 17 this week and loves hanging out in the shop & welding.  Right now, his plan is to also enter the Air Force, but as a mechanic.  We'll see what he actually ends up doing. Not sure what I did to make them want to be so much away from me.

So, a lot of the time, the house is quiet except when there are 6-10 16/17 yr olds here, which I love.

Comment by feelinglonely on January 25, 2017 at 12:50pm

Kerryn--You're so sweet--I am in Northern New Jersey.  A little too far.  How's the weather there lately?  It's been OK here, so far no snow.

I have a really nice dermatologist close by.  Have gone for a few concerns that turned out OK.

I absolutely hate asking for help from anyone.  Jeez, it used to be me and my husband always helping out/driving people where they needed to go.  Im going to have to really mull this over and speak with my primary doctor to see if he has any suggestions for me.

How long have you been alone?  How many kids do you have?  I only have one daughter--she's 46, married, both of them need to work so they are really not available to me.

Take care, be well

Joan

Comment by Macduff (Hal) on January 25, 2017 at 12:43pm

Knowing those of use who posted a lot during 2010 and 2011 are still here surviving as best we can is important to me. I know pretty well about 12 men and women whose spouse has died because of the senior community I live - and I know another dozen or so couples where one spouse doesn’t have long to live. I am one of the few, maybe only, one to go out of my way to try to make people comfortable talking about their grief, or fears of surviving when their spouse dies. This is as much, maybe more, therapy for me than for them.

Comment by Kerryn on January 25, 2017 at 11:21am

So wish I was closer and could help! Iowa's just a little far. Do you have close friends? I know I hate to ask mine for help, then they chew me out that I don't ask. They always tell me that they don't know what I need, so they wait for me to ask - which I work very hard to not do. If you have friends like mine, I think they would want to help you. Or any groups you belong to that might help? I'm part of the Air Force Moms & Military Mom network as my oldest is off in the Air Force - they really do step up and help each other out.

I know I need to go to the dermatologist and have some skin areas looked at, but I keep putting it off. After years of making Dave's appts and arguing/pushing his drs., I have a real problem having to call and make appts for myself. Not sure why, but I almost have to give myself a pep talk before I do it. crazy!

Hang in there - let us know what you line up for help.

Comment by feelinglonely on January 25, 2017 at 10:48am

Kerryn--So I went to the ortho and as I expected he told me I need a total hip replacement.  Another thing for me to stress about and figure out how the hell am I going to do this.  Of course I drove home crying even though I knew what he was going to tell me.

Ceilya and Kerryn--thanks for being here.

Comment by Kerryn on January 25, 2017 at 10:31am

Joan,
I know - I also put off a variety of things as long as I can.
Ceilya, hang in there! I know that I haven't posted much lately, but just knowing this cite is here helps me. None of my friends have experienced the loss of a spouse (thankfully) and have truly now idea how difficult it is, and especially on those days that everything seems to go wrong. Dave would at least make me laugh about something. I can't unload on my son 16 - wouldn't even be appropriate. Definitely message me if you ever need to vent - sometimes, we need someone to just listen.
Hang in there everyone.

Comment by feelinglonely on January 25, 2017 at 2:44am

Good Morning Ceil

Sorry you had one of those days--we never plan to have a bad day--but sometimes there it is.  Every time something goes wrong I seem to say this would never happen if he was here with me.  Crying--that;s all I seem to do.  Today I am finally going to the orthopedic dr which I have been putting off for months and months.  I know he is going to tell me I need hip and knee repkacement.  How the hell do I do that on my own?  I have three levels of stairs here.  If only, if only, if only--if he was here--he was my backbone.  So, today I will go and probably be crying afterwards with decisions I dont want to make.

Ceil--glad we are able to help each other.  I will try to send you an e-mail for you to drop me a line anytime.

Hang in there--we are here for one another

Joan

xxoo

 

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