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Widowed in 2010

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Members: 273
Latest Activity: Mar 28

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Comment by feelinglonely on February 23, 2017 at 10:46am

Macduff--Thanks for sharing the fabulous picture of your fur babies.  I am sure they help with the lonliness.  I do plan on moving to an over 55 development one of these days, but there is always something holding me back--now it is the hip replacement--dont know when yet--I am meeting with the surgeon to discuss on March 2.  I wish I would dream of my hubby--but I dont.

 

Cynthia--your volunteer job holding the babies sounds great.  I dont have any grandchildren and I am so jealous of my friends who are just starting --they all seem so thrilled.

 

It really sucks to go to all these doctor appts on my own.  When my husband was around, we did all those things together.  Moral support--I miss that,  But, the hugs and suggles are what I miss the most.

Take care everyone---thanks for being here---even after all these years.

 

Joan

xxxooo

Comment by Macduff (Hal) on February 22, 2017 at 8:01am

I am sorry to see old friends still here facing life alone. I’m in the same boat, but I have been lucky enough to have stayed physically healthy since Betty died. I know that when I finally end up in the hospital for something I will be cared for by strangers. 

At least where I live there are lots of widows and widowers, and couples where one spouse isn’t long for this world. We have a built in support system. I look back at what we were feeling and expressing here the first two or so years and see that those of use who kept posting were dealing with acute PTSD. I certainly was. I am still moderately depressed most of the time, and it has nothing to do with Trump. I find that I sleep “perchance to dream” about Betty. Sometime the dreams are sad and frustrating, sometimes happy, but either way  at least she is in them. My connection with Betty is also through the Westies who Betty loved so much. 

Comment by goingon (Cynthia) on February 22, 2017 at 6:41am

Celiya and feeling lonely -

I too had to face surgery without Don and I went though "who is going to help me?" I had major back surgery 3 years ago.  Someone suggested I call the university that is here in town and see if a nursing student would like the job, so I did and a lovely young woman who had just graduated with her bachelor's degree in nursing came and took care of me.  

It's so hard being without Don, and of course, we're all here because we all get it.  I volunteer at the hospital and hold babies in the NICU; the nurse was thanking me for helping and I replied "we all need to be held" and the first thought I had was "who's holding me?  No one."  And it sucked.  I hope your surgeries, when you decided to have them, go well.  

Comment by feelinglonely on February 22, 2017 at 3:56am

Ceilya--Tried to send you a message to your inbox but I guest I am not on your friend's list.  If you friend me, then we can talk privately.  I think I sent you a friend request??

It's so sad all the people who are affected by our loss--but not like us.  Can't believe it is almost 7 years and it still hurts so bad.

I went to an ortho who told me I definitely need a total knee repacement.  I am going to a surgeon next week to discuss my options.  Scared to death.

I am also here for you--anytime. 

Regards,

Joan

xxoo

Comment by ceilya on February 21, 2017 at 6:59pm

Kerryn and Joan, thank you both for your kind words and guidance.  I don't know if or how you can put your e-mail address on here but if you ever need me that is the best way to do it.  I try to get on here but I find myself getting here when I am hurting because it is the safest place to vent my frustration with Jim's death and all the circumstances that have come with it.  Yes we are in our 7th year and I sometimes feel like it was recent and other times I feel like it was so long ago.  When I take a day off work I put a dvd on of home movies just so I can see that smile and hear his voice.  I feel so badly for the grandsons he will never know and they will never get to experience Papa's wisdom for sports, building things, fishing and all the other things boys look for in their grandpas.  My brother tried so hard to step in for Jim and did a pretty good job with the boys and then he passed away a year and half ago.  How do I even try to mourn my brother when I am still hurting so much for Jim.  Every year I go away for two weeks to NY to my little hometown for vacation but this year I decided to switch and go somewhere just for me.  Still in the same area because it is familiar but not just surrounded by family and friends but a place to just to sit, read, think, walk and cry.  The second week back to visiting family.  

Joan I too need a knee replacement and I have the same anxiety of who the heck is gonna take care of me.  I don't want my son to be my caregiver.  So for now the cortisone shot will have to do and the knee brace.  I recently had some problems with my stomach and the doctor mentioned cancer.  A million things went through my head on NOW WHAT but thank God and friends praying for me all over the country it is not cancer and so I can move on to the next stage of life.   Gosh wish Jim was here ..  Know I am here for all of you as you have all been for me.  Thank you all for helping me figure out this daily struggle we call life.  Love you guys...

Comment by feelinglonely on January 25, 2017 at 1:58pm

Kerryn--Wow your kids were so young when you lost your husband.  I cant imagine how hard that must have been for you and them.  My daughter had just turned 40 when Robby died. 

It's true Breezy and Kerryn--we all need someone to vent to--I hate to vent to my daughter--she lost her dad.  I believe she thinks I should be fine by now, but I am anything but fine.  I do have a very nice church family but most of the widowed women are in their late 70's, early 80's.  They are all good listeners and understand, but as for help--no.  I help them out.  Took a few of them to a senior center to get them help with medicare.  I also teach CCD on Sunday mornings to 2nd graders--that gives me a lift--I dont have any grandchildren so these kiddies are fun.

I cant believe its almost 7 years--I never thought I would make it this far.  My husband and I did everything together and we got the shocking news of his cancer I went with him to every appt, every treatment, everything, we were together 24/7.  It makes me so sad--if he were here--I'd be ok.  Oh Well--not the way I pictured I would be at age 68. 

Yes, Breezy--one day at a time.

BTW--Iam still wearing my wedding rings--it just looks wrong without them

Bye for now

Joan

Comment by Breezy618 on January 25, 2017 at 1:38pm

Hi friends. Kerryn, Peter died 12/31/2010. I agree with all of you: this place is the one place where there is no judgement and we all understand how much life changes with the loss of a spouse. My children are 28 and 26, my 26 year old is still at home. She works, but relies on me too much, which I've not done anything to change, because like you all, I miss having someone to share everything with, and also like you, I'm not sure it should be my children. I'm just learning how to ask for help, as I'm unemployed at the moment and need to work. Hal, how wonderful that you are a kind help - death and grief seem to make people very uncomfortable, and I also have gravitated to a career helping folks cope with loss. Joan,perhaps a church group could assist? I'm so sorry to hear your worst fears were realized. The information on Air Force Moms was great! I'm an AF brat...and I miss the military community, as I married out of the upbringing. I think we all deserve a hand for making it this far, and I'm learning that one day at a time is the best way of life. Thanks for being here, all.

Comment by Breezy618 on January 25, 2017 at 1:30pm

Comment by Kerryn on January 25, 2017 at 1:05pm

Joan, I'm at the beginning of year 7.  Dave died Dec. 24, 2010.  I can honestly say this is not the way I thought my life would be at this age. It's not bad, just not what I had - can be very lonely at times, especially when there is no one to share the day with, vent to, etc.  I have two sons - Dane is 20 and a firefighter in the Air Force.  He's been stationed in Japan for

I have two sons - Dane is 20 and a firefighter in the Air Force.  He's been stationed in Japan for year, and next month will be temporarily stationed in Guam.  Both too far/too expensive to visit - though FaceTime helps a lot. Derek will be 17 this week and loves hanging out in the shop & welding.  Right now, his plan is to also enter the Air Force, but as a mechanic.  We'll see what he actually ends up doing. Not sure what I did to make them want to be so much away from me.

So, a lot of the time, the house is quiet except when there are 6-10 16/17 yr olds here, which I love.

Comment by feelinglonely on January 25, 2017 at 12:50pm

Kerryn--You're so sweet--I am in Northern New Jersey.  A little too far.  How's the weather there lately?  It's been OK here, so far no snow.

I have a really nice dermatologist close by.  Have gone for a few concerns that turned out OK.

I absolutely hate asking for help from anyone.  Jeez, it used to be me and my husband always helping out/driving people where they needed to go.  Im going to have to really mull this over and speak with my primary doctor to see if he has any suggestions for me.

How long have you been alone?  How many kids do you have?  I only have one daughter--she's 46, married, both of them need to work so they are really not available to me.

Take care, be well

Joan

 

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