Widowed in 2010

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Comment by greyeyes10 on November 15, 2011 at 2:04pm

Yes. But mostly for leaving me with his psychotic mother. And broken dogs that he picked. Generally I don't talk nice to him because he could have possibly prevented dying at 27 but choose to be selfish :-D

Don't mind me I am apparently in a horrible mood today.

Comment by Suzy on November 15, 2011 at 11:09am

Jim's would have been 62 today.  Miss him so much.  I talk to him all the time.  Do you all still do that? 

Comment by greyeyes10 on November 14, 2011 at 7:44pm

Shorty after my dad died, my mom was laid off, with a 10 year old. and two kids out of college (my sister and her boyfriend). She started a company. We have lived with no working fridge for a good 10 years, everything made went into the company and I started working there when I was 10, full time the day after I graduated high school, fired 3 years later. Currently I work 4 jobs to attempt to pay bills and take care of my dogs. The house we are in now (the house my husband died in) is in forclosure (we renters). This month I am moving my mom's office in. Next month (or soon after) will be moving it all out, by myself as always, I have no idea where, or how, or even at this point if I will survive that long. Until recently I haven't been myself and probably was a lot like my mom was when my dad died. I am finding myself more and more each day and laughing at the crap thats happening. Its so important to laugh. You have an amazing gift of your son. I would kill to have had a child with my husband. Nothing hurts more than hearing "at least you didnt have kids" because that would be a reason to keep going to live life. Even my mom says that having a 10 year old that was so much like her husband was the only thing that kept her sane. I hope you find the peace you are looking for, and that you find a way to continue, for yourself and for your son.

Comment by crying on November 14, 2011 at 6:20pm

grey eyes and Diane..Thank you so much for the support.  I want to move on..but I always feel I have so many road blocks, which beat me up again.  If I could only get a break with a job..I feel MAYBE I could move forward.  But with all these rejections, I feel like a looser and have no extra money to help out my son at collge.  His father was the breadwinner and my son wouldn't wanted for anything now he learning to live in poverty..not fun for me and my heart breaks for him.

Comment by Linda 47 on November 14, 2011 at 9:00am

Well Monday is here and my daughter and Grandson are on the way back from Colorado ...I'm getting ready for work..say a wee prayer that it will be a peaceful week then I'm off for a week...Hugs to all and Be Blessed! ♥

Comment by mahagen on November 13, 2011 at 7:07pm

Angel Kissed, that is a lovely gift God gave you. 

 

Comment by Linda 47 on November 13, 2011 at 6:28pm

God is so Good to me..I found a note from Danny he wrote only weeks before he died..Hi Hon..I Love you so much and I thank God for your love. For you are my lover,friend and wife. So REMEMBER how my love for you will never die..

    Love You Always,

     XOXO

I just cried and laughed all at once that God gave me what I so needed hear! His Love for us is immense!

Comment by twinsmum on November 12, 2011 at 9:39pm

Well my boys (13 next month) have been getting out more and more and hanging our with friends on the weekend.  This would of been a magical time for Craig and myself as we would of started having some time to ourself, time to be together.  Now I just feel lonely and can't be bothered really doing anything around the house.  I won't go out in case the boys come home for something or they come back for a swim.  We would of been entering a new chapter in our lives with the boys becoming teenagers.  Instead I am alone and yelling at them all the time......(poor sods!)  Most of the time now I am not feeling too bad...more ups than downs I think just the lonliness doesn't go away.  I don't get out alot due to minimal babysitters (shouldn't use that word anymore as they are not babies)....feel like life is on hold until they grow up a bit but I know I shouldn't think that....I still have to live.  It's just bloody hard work and tiring.......I have got back into scrapbooking again though.....but nothing else gets done (oops) just sit on the computer.  Oh well.....it makes me happy for a while..

Comment by Macduff (Hal) on November 12, 2011 at 3:52pm

I am in a new phase of grief. I've been dating, nobody special to sure I ever will meet her. I've just been using online websites and going out once, sometimes twice, and if there's no mutual chemistry that's it and on to waiting to find someone else who seems possible. 

 

More to the point is that while I miss my darling Betty so very much, the horrible aching for her is rare and I can visualize all the terrible scenes of her illness and her dead in her hospital bed without losing it.

 

I am mostly lonely and trying to fill the void in my life she has left. With no kids and only one close friend sometimes the days seem to drag on forever if I don't have an activity to amuse or interest me.

 

I find that after 22 months I can watch movies and TV shows about illness and dying. My wife and I enjoyed House, MD, but I wasn't able to watch it since her death so I bought the DVDs and am catching up.

 

A hard episode to watch was from last season when Dr. House's girlfriend, Dr. Cudy, and all the other doctors thought she had cancer. There was a musical number that was both powerful and exceptionally well done.  It won't be for all of you but here it is:

 

http://www.youclubvideo.com/video/162726/house-get-happy-official-m...

 

It reminded me of what some have called the best song about death from any musical, "Bye Bye Life" from the semi-autobiographical movie by Bob Fosse - again it is very powerful and well done.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TXXz6DW51m8

 

I believe that in order to come back from my loss, from our losses, we have to confront death. I finally am able to deal more directly with death. I see now that death has no mercy and to be fully human one must confront death directly, your own and of loved ones. It's like the fire fighter who runs towards a burning building because it's the job. Death is a job of living the full life, and is the final job of our own life. For a year and a half I couldn't bear to catch up on one of my (our) favorite TV series, House, because of all the hospital scenes and terminal illnesses. I finally bought the DVD of last year's season. It's ironic that the song here is sung to the tune, with many of the words, of "Bye Bye Love".

Comment by Dianne in Nevada on November 12, 2011 at 11:31am

@Susie & Linda (Angel Kissed) ... When I first met you here in WV, Linda, you seemed familiar somehow to me - even though we haven't met in person. Now, seeing Susie post here, I understand why. You reminded me of my dear UK friend. Two beautiful women who share a one year anniversary day. How very special.

@greyeyes ... I'm sorry for what you had to experience with your mom, but what an important message you left here for others.  Bless you.

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