Widowed in 2010

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Comment by GinnyL on November 22, 2011 at 2:15pm

I see all the happy faces on this website and wonder how, why? It's been almost 15 months since Hal died and I feel no joy in anything I do. I get together with friends and put on my social facade.

It's a warm, sunny day here today and I look out the window and think of how much Hal and I would have enjoyed it together. Bacchus, my Newfie, and I will take a walk in a little while, which should lift my spirits a bit. Even that is tough though since I had to put my other Newfie, Keefer, down in July. And, for me, he was a major connection to Hal.

I'm hesitant to come to this site because I don't feel any of the joy and happiness displayed in the pictures. (Of course, a picture of someone sobbing uncontrollably probably wouldn't lift anyone's spirits.) I feel like odd man (woman) out.

Comment by crying on November 16, 2011 at 6:06am

they say anger is one of the steps you go thru.  However I can't get angry with him.  HE never would of wanted the suffering i have or his son.  He had a heart attack and I belive it was over money.  he always had to give me the best and his mother - who didn't even attend his service.  That is who I am angry at.  He died helping her.  I will NEVER forgive that women or see her again

Comment by crying on November 16, 2011 at 6:02am

Talk to my husband?  I still text him and tell him things that are happening and then I delete the text because I couldn't bear to get the message didin't go thru.  14 months and I guess I still won't face the fact

Comment by Jordan on November 15, 2011 at 4:10pm

Years ago, I did a study of grieving for a college course. Anger is a totally normal part of the process--at God, at the one you lost, at doctors, yourself, the world in general, everyone around you who is still alive, anything, or nothing in particular. The important part is not to get stuck in the anger. Get it out in the least harmful way you can, release it, and move on.

It sounded very cut and dried in the college reference books. No big deal. However, when I was pacing the house screaming at the ceiling at 2 a.m., crying and hollering complaints and accusations against a man who wasn't there, it seemed a little weirder.

I think the important part is not to let your anger lead you into doing things you'll regret later, like alienating family or friends, wrecking the car, kicking the dog, setting fire to the house, etc. And truly, you will calm down and feel less angry eventually.

Comment by mahagen on November 15, 2011 at 3:00pm

Berrboop, I think our feelings are our feelings!  You can't really control them.  You can control (supposedly) how you react to your feelings, but not if you have them or not.  About 3 weeks after Mike was diagnosed I screamed at God!  Well, He already knew I was pissed, and it helped me to let all that venom out!  Yes, it's ok to be mad at Jim, and to vent that anger.  Just my opinion......

Comment by bettboop on November 15, 2011 at 2:56pm

Do ya'll (yes, I'm in Texas), think it's okay to be mad at a dead person? Sometimes I am so mad at Jim for not getting that stupid mole taken off before, and for leaving me with a 3 yr old, even though I know he didn't want to. I look at the ceiling and tell him, then I feel horrible about it:( But I also tell him I love and miss him, too.

Comment by mahagen on November 15, 2011 at 2:10pm

I seldom talk to Mike, maybe once a week or so, I say, "Boy I really miss you, honey."  but really I don't think he can hear me.  Although know one really knows what those in Heaven are doing, it is my opinion that they are busy there and not one bit worried about us. 

 

Suzy, their birthdays are hard days

 

Greyeyes, we all have horrible moods.  Hope today gets better.

Comment by greyeyes10 on November 15, 2011 at 2:04pm

Yes. But mostly for leaving me with his psychotic mother. And broken dogs that he picked. Generally I don't talk nice to him because he could have possibly prevented dying at 27 but choose to be selfish :-D

Don't mind me I am apparently in a horrible mood today.

Comment by Suzy on November 15, 2011 at 11:09am

Jim's would have been 62 today.  Miss him so much.  I talk to him all the time.  Do you all still do that? 

Comment by greyeyes10 on November 14, 2011 at 7:44pm

Shorty after my dad died, my mom was laid off, with a 10 year old. and two kids out of college (my sister and her boyfriend). She started a company. We have lived with no working fridge for a good 10 years, everything made went into the company and I started working there when I was 10, full time the day after I graduated high school, fired 3 years later. Currently I work 4 jobs to attempt to pay bills and take care of my dogs. The house we are in now (the house my husband died in) is in forclosure (we renters). This month I am moving my mom's office in. Next month (or soon after) will be moving it all out, by myself as always, I have no idea where, or how, or even at this point if I will survive that long. Until recently I haven't been myself and probably was a lot like my mom was when my dad died. I am finding myself more and more each day and laughing at the crap thats happening. Its so important to laugh. You have an amazing gift of your son. I would kill to have had a child with my husband. Nothing hurts more than hearing "at least you didnt have kids" because that would be a reason to keep going to live life. Even my mom says that having a 10 year old that was so much like her husband was the only thing that kept her sane. I hope you find the peace you are looking for, and that you find a way to continue, for yourself and for your son.

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