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Widowed in 2010

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Dianne in Nevada is your group greeter.

Members: 274
Latest Activity: Jan 11

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Comment by Kerryn on January 25, 2017 at 1:05pm

Joan, I'm at the beginning of year 7.  Dave died Dec. 24, 2010.  I can honestly say this is not the way I thought my life would be at this age. It's not bad, just not what I had - can be very lonely at times, especially when there is no one to share the day with, vent to, etc.  I have two sons - Dane is 20 and a firefighter in the Air Force.  He's been stationed in Japan for

I have two sons - Dane is 20 and a firefighter in the Air Force.  He's been stationed in Japan for year, and next month will be temporarily stationed in Guam.  Both too far/too expensive to visit - though FaceTime helps a lot. Derek will be 17 this week and loves hanging out in the shop & welding.  Right now, his plan is to also enter the Air Force, but as a mechanic.  We'll see what he actually ends up doing. Not sure what I did to make them want to be so much away from me.

So, a lot of the time, the house is quiet except when there are 6-10 16/17 yr olds here, which I love.

Comment by feelinglonely on January 25, 2017 at 12:50pm

Kerryn--You're so sweet--I am in Northern New Jersey.  A little too far.  How's the weather there lately?  It's been OK here, so far no snow.

I have a really nice dermatologist close by.  Have gone for a few concerns that turned out OK.

I absolutely hate asking for help from anyone.  Jeez, it used to be me and my husband always helping out/driving people where they needed to go.  Im going to have to really mull this over and speak with my primary doctor to see if he has any suggestions for me.

How long have you been alone?  How many kids do you have?  I only have one daughter--she's 46, married, both of them need to work so they are really not available to me.

Take care, be well

Joan

Comment by Macduff (Hal) on January 25, 2017 at 12:43pm

Knowing those of use who posted a lot during 2010 and 2011 are still here surviving as best we can is important to me. I know pretty well about 12 men and women whose spouse has died because of the senior community I live - and I know another dozen or so couples where one spouse doesn’t have long to live. I am one of the few, maybe only, one to go out of my way to try to make people comfortable talking about their grief, or fears of surviving when their spouse dies. This is as much, maybe more, therapy for me than for them.

Comment by Kerryn on January 25, 2017 at 11:21am

So wish I was closer and could help! Iowa's just a little far. Do you have close friends? I know I hate to ask mine for help, then they chew me out that I don't ask. They always tell me that they don't know what I need, so they wait for me to ask - which I work very hard to not do. If you have friends like mine, I think they would want to help you. Or any groups you belong to that might help? I'm part of the Air Force Moms & Military Mom network as my oldest is off in the Air Force - they really do step up and help each other out.

I know I need to go to the dermatologist and have some skin areas looked at, but I keep putting it off. After years of making Dave's appts and arguing/pushing his drs., I have a real problem having to call and make appts for myself. Not sure why, but I almost have to give myself a pep talk before I do it. crazy!

Hang in there - let us know what you line up for help.

Comment by feelinglonely on January 25, 2017 at 10:48am

Kerryn--So I went to the ortho and as I expected he told me I need a total hip replacement.  Another thing for me to stress about and figure out how the hell am I going to do this.  Of course I drove home crying even though I knew what he was going to tell me.

Ceilya and Kerryn--thanks for being here.

Comment by Kerryn on January 25, 2017 at 10:31am

Joan,
I know - I also put off a variety of things as long as I can.
Ceilya, hang in there! I know that I haven't posted much lately, but just knowing this cite is here helps me. None of my friends have experienced the loss of a spouse (thankfully) and have truly now idea how difficult it is, and especially on those days that everything seems to go wrong. Dave would at least make me laugh about something. I can't unload on my son 16 - wouldn't even be appropriate. Definitely message me if you ever need to vent - sometimes, we need someone to just listen.
Hang in there everyone.

Comment by feelinglonely on January 25, 2017 at 2:44am

Good Morning Ceil

Sorry you had one of those days--we never plan to have a bad day--but sometimes there it is.  Every time something goes wrong I seem to say this would never happen if he was here with me.  Crying--that;s all I seem to do.  Today I am finally going to the orthopedic dr which I have been putting off for months and months.  I know he is going to tell me I need hip and knee repkacement.  How the hell do I do that on my own?  I have three levels of stairs here.  If only, if only, if only--if he was here--he was my backbone.  So, today I will go and probably be crying afterwards with decisions I dont want to make.

Ceil--glad we are able to help each other.  I will try to send you an e-mail for you to drop me a line anytime.

Hang in there--we are here for one another

Joan

xxoo

Comment by ceilya on January 24, 2017 at 5:56pm

Hi Joan, well today I had one of them days that nothing went right.   All the business decisions I had to make that Jim always had such good insight with I just couldn't get the right words or move forward.   I could not miss him more than I did today.   Some days I just cruise right through others like today I hit a wall.   I want to just sit and cry but know it won't help because the past 6 years I have shed so many tears.   So tonight I just got home and could not get motivated so decided to get on here where it is so safe to vent and know I am understood.  I do know how you feel being along and being sick.  I was having severe anxiety attacks and thought what will happen if I faint there is no one to find me.   Then I just had to adjust my thinking this is how it is and if you fall you fall eventually someone will find me.  I also wish I would have gone first.  But when I sit and think about it I know Jim would never been able to handle this pain.  Thanks for being here.  I know most have moved on with their lives as we have but knowing someone still checks in here has helped me on my most difficult days.   Thank you....Ceil

Comment by feelinglonely on January 16, 2017 at 1:37pm

Ceilya--I also hope the site doesnt change too much.  Its funny, once you stop working like I did, you no longer learn any internet tricks.  When I worked I had an IT Dept and that is pretty much how I learned.  Jeez, it took me weeks to get used to my smart phone.  So, Dianne if you're listening please give us older folks a break.  We are so used to this site the way it is.  Im just so happy to find some of my friends from the 2010 group are still around.

The stone that I have was given out at an All Souls Day Mass at my cousin's church.  I keep the stone in my bedroom right in front of my husbands picture.  I, too have lost so many people--it breaks my heart.

Health wise Im not doing so good.  I dont understand how I used to be so healthy--never took a sick day--but, since he's been gone, everything has gone to pot--headaches, neck pain, back pain, bp--you name it, Ive got it.  The worst is I get dizzy spells, I can be fine one minute and then wham--dizzy.  It so scary at night when I am alone in the house.  As Ive said before I never ever thought I would be alone at this age--68.  But, I guess no one ever thinks this will happen to them.  I always tell people I wish I would have went first.

Anyway, I am ranting again so it's time to finish up.

Good hearing from you Ceilya and wishing you well.

Joan

Comment by ceilya on January 16, 2017 at 11:18am

Oh Dianne please don't change the site too much.  For those "old" people like me it was difficult finding it when it went to soaring spirits.  I thought I had lost all of you at that point.  I can't imagine sharing the feelings I do on here on Facebook.  This site is safe and I just don't get that when I venture into Facebook.  This is so much more of a support system at least for me.  You were here from the beginning with me and I am so glad to see you are still here.   Every time I go to Nevada I think of you.

Joan I love the saying on the stone and how true the words are to those who have lost someone dear to us..  Holidays are always the most difficult time as is the anniversary date of Jim's passing.  I have lost a few people since Jim passed and each leaves it's own little hole in my heart.  By the time it is my time to leave this earth there shouldn't be much of a heart left.  If I did not work full time I would volunteer.  People are so appreciative and it does fill up time.  I have taken online classes for my business and they are time fillers as well.

Hal I have watched you from day one.  I remember your journey to Oregon and now it sounds like you have settled in somewhere you feel comfortable.  I live in a retirement community with tons of activities but with working the only thing I have been able to go to has been bingo.  One day I keep saying I will join our putters club, or shuffleboard or bocci ball or one of many.  But I am so glad you are doing well.  I love hearing your stories and knowing your status.  

Kerryn, Gosh I remember when the boys were young 7 years ago.   I too have friends that are a little younger and some older.   It is just good to talk sometimes regardless of age because there just might be the one thing someone says that would touch your heart.   So proud of your boys serving.

Corlene,  Outside looking in is so true.   I was invited to go on a RV trip with 5 couples and I declined since I know it would be difficult to be the one person outside looking in.   Some of my friends (couples) I fit in well and others I am an outsider.  I have been told it is my perception but I don't think so.

Thank you all.   This is a difficult week for me for some reason and I cannot put my finger on it but I will get through it especially knowing this site is here and all of you to listen. 

 

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