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Hi Barzan. That is so kind and thoughtful for you to have your mother and mother-in-law with you for Thanksgiving. You don't sound selfish at all. We miss our loved ones especially during the holiday season. Hugs to you.
I find that the holidays become reminders of us.
Donna did what Donna did best, setting the table and arranging everything in visual perfection—flowers, napkins, candles, and tablecloth, all color correct. Silverware placed carefully next to the dishes. Serving pieces laid out, ready to accept the bounty. Nothing left to chance. Thanksgiving Donna would set out dishes that when my mother passed, ended up with me. They were from the ‘50s, and were kind of The Jetsons meets Bauhaus. One problem, though: it was a place setting for four. Donna spent nearly a year searching online and bargaining on eBay to find additions to the set, including a one-of-a-kind lemonade pitcher. In the end she built a complete setting for eight. When I set the table this all comes back.
Right now I am posting memories etc on Twitter @LoveLtrs2Donna and Instagram @loveltre2d
I find this helpful in communing with my memories as a conduit to our life together. Reflection is a way to turn grief into knowledge.
Yep....people have no idea what to say or do ...and I guess it;s something we all just accept as part of the grief we feel......I also attend dinners ....with my family ..we talk about my daughter and husband...they are always mentioned...so are my parents and my only sister.....so many are gone, my closest friend will come up at some point and a cousin and aunt who were like my mom and sister..more then my own were...I am so glad my children remember them all ..and my grandchildren have been told about the ones they never met.....I am also the first to walk away from the table...sometimes it;s just too much for me.....
I get it! With my family get togethers, they avoid mentioning my late husband thinking that it will make me feel better when it really just makes it worse. I want to affirm his existence. I think people just do what they think is the best way to approach it. At least they try.
I will go to family holiday dinners, but I will also leave at the earliest possible moment, since I am the only widowed individual present, and hate the part where "those who are with us in spirit" are mentioned. Yes, I know it's also referring to my grandparents, uncles, aunts, etc., but it's also referring to my late wife--and I would not wish the emotions I feel about that on anyone present at dinner.
Thanks Slick and Chef. I try to let it not bother me but it doesn't work some of the time. I appreciate your support. Good to have this place to vent and support one another.
I would agree with Slick, Barzan. (And hugs to you both.)
I tend to ignore the time between Halloween and Valentine's Day as a coping mechanism, perhaps, but it seems to work for me.
Oh dear Barzan ..you aren't sounding selfish..we all have different situations in our lives that are so hard since we lost our spouses.....I am lucky to have 2 of my daughters and my 3 grandchildren on Thanksgiving, Christmas and usually Easter too.....BUT not at a cost....it is us 3 girls , my one son-in-law and my 3 grandchildren...the cost is we all look at each other and know how many are missing....My middle daughter , their sister....My husband....my kids loved and he was the only PopPop my grandchildren knew...my oldest is in the middle of a horrible divorce and her kids have really suffered because of it and so has my daughter, my youngest is just getting out of post-partum that led into a deep depression, her son is 2 and it has taken this long...we are all so very happy to have each other , but also remember so many who used to be at the table.....I think you, your mom and your mother-in-law is a wonderful idea....who better to spend the day with...3 women who totally understand each other's hearts....I wish you love and peace....and many thanks for the time you had with those who are there in Spirit.....God bless...
The dreaded holidays are here again. Not every year but I have to share my only grown child and his family with his inlaws. My only sibling and his family are also spending Thanksgiving with his inlaws. I had already bought a turkey so I invited my mom and mother-in-law for Thanksgiving. We are all widows.
It is a horrible feeling knowing that all my friends are surrounded by their families and I am alone. They all assume that I also will be spending it with mine. I can't fault any of them. I also can't bring myself to ask to join them because I don't want them to feel sorry for me.
Christmas will be another hurdle and am not ready to see who gets who. Sorry if I'm sounding selfish but you are the ones who understand this the best.
Thanks for reading. Hope your holidays will be blessed.
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