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Widowed in 2011

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Members: 509
Latest Activity: Aug 10

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Comment by Sad One on August 8, 2020 at 1:04pm


I know what you mean about anniversary, specific dates, and their imprint on the memory. The telltale signs of cancer were there, but I didn't know them personally, yet. I thought he was losing weight because he was watching his diet. He was quiet sometimes, I thought maybe, empty nest depression. We both had no idea what was about to come. In july/August 2010 we were attending bbq's and birthday parties. By September, he was diagnosed, stage 4 cancer.  It was downhill from there. Trying to hold onto our together memories, by myself, is hard.  Remember when? Remember when?  It doesn't make for conversation with my grown kids, they just stare blankly at me. The remember  when's I have to do alone.  I don't know if I was of any comfort at all. 

Comment by Mark99 on August 7, 2020 at 4:18pm

Thank you all. I'm okay. It's just that day that begins July 10 when Donna went into the hospital and never left. It builds to this. I'm in that zone where I want to be the person Donna loved into being but her absence is the barrier to being that. 

You all were the first ones I shared my loss with and remain the ones who know the best. I got this because you got me. Peace. Love. 

Comment by LucyGoo on August 7, 2020 at 3:30pm

Hi Mark,

I too am in the dark period of the year - my birthday to his death anniversary to our anniversary.  My thoughts are filled with him daily.  I just try to hold on to and savor the memories and to try to find the little bits of light and happiness that he told me are always there if we look hard enough.

Your words have often lifted us up - are there any we can offer to you???

Comment by Barzan on August 7, 2020 at 2:21pm

Hello Mark, 

Your post troubles me.  Please let us here know that you are okay and just missing Donna very much.  We are all here for you and feel your pain like no one else can.  I lost my mate in 2011 and ache for him still.  Please be kind to yourself and seek help if and when you need it.  Many of us do.

I'm sending you hugs and peace.

Comment by Mark99 on August 7, 2020 at 12:59pm

 February 14, 2011 - August 7, 2011

Donna are you waiting for me?

"cause tonight i'm gonna take that ride, across the river to the jersey side, take my baby to the carnival, and i'll take you on all the rides”  

Jersey Girl Tom Waits

Comment by Barzan on August 4, 2020 at 10:43am

Mark, So sorry that you are struggling with the upcoming anniversary.  I just started my 10th year and still miss him like crazy.  It does get easier with time and the best advice I can offer is to celebrate the years together more than mourning the years she’s been gone.  This is the advice I received years ago and tried hard to follow it. 
I’m sending you a virtual hug and please take care of yourself.


Comment by Mark99 on August 4, 2020 at 8:26am

August 8, 2011 is rushing at me. I dodge and dart around corners to hide. Still it finds me as I sit in a darkened room wondering what I am going to do. It waits for me when I round a corner and see a sweater in a shop window and think how much she would love that. I know she is not here. I am here and there I am between memories and grief. 

“Memory & Grief: A Venn Diagram of Sadness and Beauty” The Venn of darkness and beauty is today Each day I find myself trying to balance between the two. Walk between the raindrops of them. 

Comment by Sad One on July 27, 2020 at 5:53pm

Hi Cee,

I totally get what you mean about things breaking down around me, and no one to fix em. My house is going on 100 year old, and lots of things keep breaking down, especially the plumbing. First the water heater valve burst, called plumber, $300.  Then a few weeks ago, it was all the sinks weren't draining, called plumber, another $300. Now the tub isn't draining. Well I don't have money left to call plumber again. Gets expensive. As per the t.v. I watch all my shows through my tablet, I watch through Amazon Prime, and Netflix. All I needed was Wi-Fi. My son has the main whatever it's called in his room, and I get the Wi-Fi. I haven't turned on my tv in years. My remote control for tv/dvd/vhs stopped working. So I disconnected it all. What's the use of having it plugged in if I'm not using it. Where you live Cee, can you tell them you don't want all the fancy channels, and that way you don't have to pay for something you don't want.


Comment by Cee on July 24, 2020 at 2:33pm

How are you coping with this isolation?  I am having a rough time, so afraid something will happen to me and there is no one here to help.

 Everything is falling apart around me - literally - so many things are breaking down, these are the times that I miss my handyman, he could fix almost anything or if not he knew where to get the help to fix it.

 One of my main problems is the tv service provider "upgraded" which means all of my system no longer works - I know it is old but I am from the school that is "if it ain't broke don't fix it".  Well guess the time has come to do the fixing except that I do not know how and have no one here to help. Of course the tv service wants to put in the biggest and best and most expensive and I do not need that. Just a little entertainment on quiet nights. and then I found out if you do not have an upgraded tv service you can't get their programing on the tv. so not much to watch there. At least the library has more books on the take a book shelves in the entry way.

 I hope things are going better with all of you.  HUGS

 any one know how to set up an old style dvd'vhs player?

Comment by Cee on July 8, 2020 at 5:23am

Lucy you seem to have done a good job of keeping busy. I have done a little sorting and organizing but the pains in the ankles and knees keeps me from doing anything in the yard or taking walks. I don't see that I am doing anything productive but some how the days pass.

 Luckily I have a few people I talk to on the phone and computer. Not reading because I am out of books and the library and senior center is closed so no where to get new ones - unless I buy them. I don't use a kindle or one of those things, I know I need to try it. That should be one of my projects

 Thinking of all of you, stay safe, stay well, stay positive.


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