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Widowed in 2011

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Members: 507
Latest Activity: May 17

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Comment by Slick on May 17, 2018 at 4:51am

Cee...I have made plans to go away with the kids and grands twice but it hasn't worked out for the past 3 years...used to work out great......

Barzan you are so lucky you have people to travel with...I have lost all of my family. and close friends to early deaths.....hard as I try cannot seem to find groups of people my age around my area who want to do anything...

Comment by Barzan on May 16, 2018 at 4:19pm

Cee - yes I have plans for the summer.  1 trip down and 3 to go.  Friends and family start making plans at the beginning of the year.  Everyone announces what their plans are and I can hop on or let them hop on to what I have in mind.  This usually works out really well as we split costs of rentals.

I really try to pack my free time with travel, art or  events.  It works for me.

Comment by Cee on May 16, 2018 at 2:10pm

Hi group, how is everyone today?

 Do you have any plans for the summer? I wish I did, but nothing interesting on my calendar.

Have you found any other groups that have members in our time frame? Someone mentioned to me that we need an more active network for the not so new to this club and I agree. There are times I would love someone to talk to that understood that this isn't something you can put a time frame on and there are days that are hard to get through.

 Do you have friends that you can call on the "spur of the moment" to go for coffee or a movie or anything just to get out and be around people.

 We we all so lucky to have our partners for the time we did but no one is going to tell me that I shouldn't still miss him.

  HUGS to all.

Comment by chef (John) on May 2, 2018 at 8:55am

Cee:

I still have moments when something comes out of nowhere and sucker-punches me--and I expect that it will continue for the rest of my life. I definitely agree with the sentiments re: no longer having the one who "always had my back" too. OTOH, I can also be grateful for the fact that I did have Judith for the the 30+ years that I did.

Comment by LucyGoo on April 15, 2018 at 7:16am

I think, for me, it's about being alone.  I don't mean lonely.  I am very fortunate to have a community of friends and family to spend time with, and having grown up as the much younger child with distant parents, I am really comfortable being by myself and entertaining myself - but I just so often feel profoundly alone.  I miss having a partner, a buddy, someone as Maggie wrote, who always had my back.

Comment by Maggie on April 15, 2018 at 6:12am

I've been reading all these comments and can relate to them all. I'm only at 5 yrs, but once you pass that mark, I think we are all closer in how we feel, especially if we are still not involved with a man. I, for one, am not looking and just can't see it ever happening at my age (71). 

I have made a life...moved, bought my own home, made a few new friends, volunteer once a week, stay busy yada, yada yada.

But the point I most relate to is the friendship issue. I have no friends from long ago like high school, or where I use to work etc. I do have my ex SIL sharing my home, but she has a guy and is gone most of the time. I do have a couple of new friends I go out to eat with etc. but sometimes I view these as temporary friends, as there hasn't been the time to build long deep friendship. 

Mostly I just feel physically and mentally tired...the struggle to stay busy, keep social etc. 

I have no children or grandchildren...no family but a brother who is not nearby.

So I still really feel the loss of my husband. We were married 28 years and were always together. I so miss having that feeling that "someone had your back." We were happy even with some problems with his adjustment to retirement and I believe depression he had in the last few years of his life. But I just don't feel I'll ever have that closeness again. You can be surrounded by people and still feel alone. I think it's because mostly the others seem to have a complete life..fulfilled and I don't have a  sense of this.

I expressed in another place how sometimes I feel it was all so long ago, like another life and this in itself makes me sad. The first year or two after his death, I still felt close in time to him and now it has faded. Plus getting older myself, I know it's all going to go someday..all our memories...gone.

well as you can see I'm in a melancholy mood today and I'm rambling.

Comment by Cee on April 12, 2018 at 3:52pm

I don't know if I should say I am glad to see others feeling the same way or should be sorry for all of us for having a return of the "sads". Some days I feel like I am losing it and am ready to give up and just crawl into a little ball and forget about the world around me.  I wonder if it is usual to go through these cycles. I too thought I should be doing better by now and, except for one Dr who said I had a morbid grief reaction, people think I am doing well because I am involved in a few groups and activities and do get out of the house - not very far away from home. This past week I just found any excuse I could to not go out as I was feeling so down I just didn't want to be around anyone. I hope this passes and I can find a little peace.

  HUGS to all of you, it is so wonderful to have you here to share these feelings with.

Comment by Slick on April 12, 2018 at 3:36pm

Oh Bunny , thank you so much..your words are comforting, I feel so much less alone at this point ...in my loss...7 years later I never expected to have weeks of being down....days?? yes...they come and go....but this year has just been bad...nothing seems to be working.....but I keep trying...one day at a time...I am sorry you got hurt...I had cancer and I think all of these things are so much harder without our husbands..but we manage to get through it all..somehow...we are strong...sometimes I get so tired anymore of fighting to get through a day...now I am trying to take those few days of exhaustion and pampering myself..even if I do nothing but rest...and try again...

Back to you Bunny.....happiness and peace...

Comment by Bunny on April 12, 2018 at 3:26pm

Hi Slick

I know the feelings all to well too!  My husband's birthday was this past Tuesday and live 3 hours from the rest of my family plus I slipped on the ice 3 weeks ago and have a hair line fracture in my knee.  I have one son that lives 2 towns away but he works fulltime and goes to school to continue his education, he helps me when he can.  Plus to make matters worse my sister who lost her husband in 2016 has been able to find someone new so yes the past 7 years has really caught up with me.  I know how hard it is to find friends that like to do things that you like and have a interest in yes there are many days weeks months that I feel so alone.  I am trying to not let these feelings become a person that gives into them.  So fight hard everyday to not let these feelings get you down because you are a strong person because you keep fighting.  We all need to keep fighting and living to maybe prove to ourselves that we are worth the effort to be happy!

Wishing you happiness and peace

Comment by Slick on April 11, 2018 at 3:22pm

Lucy..thank you...I went back and read your last post...I'm sorry you are going through this too...not surprised that grief comes back..the past year starting with my daughter's 20th anniversary in August has been rougher then in the past few years...I thought of a grief group again..but didn't know if sitting there with my story of at 7 years still suffering would be welcomed to new widows..wouldn't give them much hope...I was going to start with a one on one again but there was a big mix up on Monday...I was so disappointed...your put it perfectly..."not being able to find your way back to happy" I met a woman at a group and we have had lunch once or twice a month for the past 4 years...all of a sudden without a word....her and her husband are moving, and she has no time...I'm so glad I went to lunch on the days she wanted to go to the restaurants she wanted to go at the time she always wanted to go.....I learned a hard lesson...all my girlfriends have passed young so here I sit..Alone. I have tried and tried so many different things...nothing seems to last for long...thank you for writing Lucy...I wish you peace.

 

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