Widowed in 2011

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Comment by Carolann on August 18, 2011 at 9:20am

I have a picture of my husband Perry on my desktop at work. I can enlarge it so, it almost feels like he is directly in front of me, smiling. It is him in his van, as if he just drove in our driveway.  I also sit in his chair everyday. I feel like I am sinking into him.... if wishes could come true...

Comment by carolynne on August 17, 2011 at 3:33pm

Lisa, I do the exact same thing with Rod's picture, place my hand on his chest in the photo as I walk by!! And I've fallen asleep clutching his urn, which also sits on my nightstand. If you're crazy, I am too!

Comment by Lisa (lost) Lamb on August 17, 2011 at 3:30pm

I wont go into detail with all the things I do when I'm walking around the house. Talking to KC.. I place my hand on his cheast in the picture as I walk by. I have even woke up in the middle of the night with my hand around his ern that sits on my night stand. If all of this is crazy then I'm very happy to be crazy. As a matter of fact I am and will always be "Crazy in love" with my husband.

Comment by MsKris12 on August 17, 2011 at 3:00pm

I just saw the post regarding "talking" to your loved one and I wanted to be included on that "list".  I say "Hi" when I walk into what used to be our bedroom (now I sleep in our new room upstairs), "Hi Honey" when I have occasion to climb in and use his truck (which is HUGE) and when I see his picture role up here on the slideshow "ahhh, there you are!"  weird, but comforting too!! 

Comment by carolynne on August 17, 2011 at 11:16am

Musiclady, I'm sorry your daughter is having such a hard time. Kids can be so cruel!!! I hope that things get better for her.

Comment by Musiclady on August 17, 2011 at 10:51am

Hi Carolynne, I noticed that some of my daughter's "friends" have done that as well.  They don't seem to understand how hurtful they are being. First we had to deal with one girl going around telling anyone who would listen how affected SHE was by Mark's death; then about 6 weeks ago, some of these kids were calling my daughter nasty names and telling her that they were sick of her being so Bitchy!  I know that teenagers can be very self-centered and selfish but it has made her summer so miserable.  It's like everyone expects that we are supposed to go through hell and then do it again! Social death can be VERY isolating.  We've changed but the rest of the world hasn't. Take care!

Comment by carolynne on August 16, 2011 at 8:56pm

Nata....my 11 year old has been acting like a monster all week. Downright MEAN to me sometimes. I keep telling myself, he is grieving, too. My heart aches because there is NOTHING I can do to make him feel better. The kids downstairs are being mean to him now, calling him spoiled, because I've been trying to make everything extra nice and easy for him. I yelled at them tonight, "you could be a little nicer, at least you still have your dad!!!" I feel like a crazy person. And I am unbelievably mad at my husband for doing this to us!!!!!

Comment by Nata on August 16, 2011 at 8:39pm

It has been 9 weeks and 2 days since my husbad died.  While we shopping at the grocery store my 2.5 years old son suddenly started crying and screaming " I want daddy, I want daddy..."  I didn't know what to do I started crying too... and I got mad at my husband how could he leave us?

Comment by Lisa (lost) Lamb on August 15, 2011 at 11:45pm

So sorry Debbie for all the additional pain and stress you have had to deal with recently. I'm not sure what the universe is trying to teach us all by continuing to plague us with hard ships. But I think as long  we face them head on and together I think we will eventually over come them in time. At least that's what I keep telling myself to get through the day.

Comment by ogandgg on August 15, 2011 at 10:35pm

it's 169 days today since mikey passed away at 44, of a 'widowmaker', he woke for seconds, long enough to die in my arms... the doctors believe it was so sudden, that he didn't experience pain and perhaps was unaware.

i still feel his presence, still talk to him, laugh, or respond as i would, were he still here. when we rode in the car together, we always held hands, when we rode on the harleys, i hugged him, leaning in around the curves.

i don't believe that a person simply disappears from your life when they pass... the energy still exists, our love for them, their presence, the connection... perhaps it takes a different form or expression, but there has to be a reason for our longing, sense of detachment and emptiness... there's a reason that we colelctively can nod in agreement when someone posts something that resonates, that reaffirms our experiences... it's a lateral uniformity that only makes sense to those that have gone through the pains; the loss; the wanting to hold our breath until we pass too, the insomnia, the random impulsive spontaneous to-the-core crying... the sense of despair and anguish, the self-doubt, overanalysis, hind-sight searching, the physical and emotional aching, the wish that we coukld have just one more day, one more conversation, one more hug... the sense of disdain we feel when someone tells us 'it will get better, you will survive, you will move on, you will find someone else, be happy you had the time you did, just breathe, just take it day by day... how many times i'd love to scream back, scream out to the cliches and say f$*%#@! i am resilient, (it's my curse) , i am stuck here, tyo pick up and move on, breathe? i didnt know that was optional? be glad for the time... i am, that's the very reason i wanted 50 years more! (yet, i like many of you, keep it all silent, and simply say thank you, grateful at leadt that those cliches come from people that are attempting to connect, to make us 'feel better.. they aren't treating us like pariah, who are displaced... let yourself grieve and feel and cry and experience all the waves, the good the bad, it's part of allwoing yourself to simply be.

talking to our loved ones... it's natural, as natural as remembering... give yourself permission to be you.

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