A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
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Latest Activity: 17 minutes ago
It has been 9 weeks and 2 days since my husbad died. While we shopping at the grocery store my 2.5 years old son suddenly started crying and screaming " I want daddy, I want daddy..." I didn't know what to do I started crying too... and I got mad at my husband how could he leave us?
it's 169 days today since mikey passed away at 44, of a 'widowmaker', he woke for seconds, long enough to die in my arms... the doctors believe it was so sudden, that he didn't experience pain and perhaps was unaware.
i still feel his presence, still talk to him, laugh, or respond as i would, were he still here. when we rode in the car together, we always held hands, when we rode on the harleys, i hugged him, leaning in around the curves.
i don't believe that a person simply disappears from your life when they pass... the energy still exists, our love for them, their presence, the connection... perhaps it takes a different form or expression, but there has to be a reason for our longing, sense of detachment and emptiness... there's a reason that we colelctively can nod in agreement when someone posts something that resonates, that reaffirms our experiences... it's a lateral uniformity that only makes sense to those that have gone through the pains; the loss; the wanting to hold our breath until we pass too, the insomnia, the random impulsive spontaneous to-the-core crying... the sense of despair and anguish, the self-doubt, overanalysis, hind-sight searching, the physical and emotional aching, the wish that we coukld have just one more day, one more conversation, one more hug... the sense of disdain we feel when someone tells us 'it will get better, you will survive, you will move on, you will find someone else, be happy you had the time you did, just breathe, just take it day by day... how many times i'd love to scream back, scream out to the cliches and say f$*%#@! i am resilient, (it's my curse) , i am stuck here, tyo pick up and move on, breathe? i didnt know that was optional? be glad for the time... i am, that's the very reason i wanted 50 years more! (yet, i like many of you, keep it all silent, and simply say thank you, grateful at leadt that those cliches come from people that are attempting to connect, to make us 'feel better.. they aren't treating us like pariah, who are displaced... let yourself grieve and feel and cry and experience all the waves, the good the bad, it's part of allwoing yourself to simply be.
talking to our loved ones... it's natural, as natural as remembering... give yourself permission to be you.
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