Widowed in 2011

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Comment by Musiclady on November 18, 2011 at 3:14pm

I hope you find peace today! Just for an hour, just for a minute.  Take care

Comment by Musiclady on November 18, 2011 at 3:13pm

  “We must let go of the life we have planned, so
as to accept the one that is waiting for us.”- Joseph Campbell

Comment by Musiclady on November 18, 2011 at 3:12pm

  “Find a place inside where there's joy, and the
joy will burn out the pain.” - Joseph Campbell

Comment by Tink on November 18, 2011 at 2:59pm

I am so grateful to have found WV , away from this page in my "life" I really struggle with all the should's that I sub consciously chant to my self..should smile..should go to work..should exercise..should call the MIL..should catch up with the girls..should get the car serviced..should make a new will..should eat..should let go..and on and on. Though my reality I get up and get dressed then potter getting very little done. So as finally try to sleep I feel like I am failing. 

Then I log on here and am reminded that losing your love is wretched and it is ok to grieve. I remember not to compare myself to other people outsides - my inner me feels like shredded liver an that will take a little time to heal. 

It will be six months in 9 days and I am surprised that I feel it looming so. Can't believe it has been that long, I am sure it was only a heartbeat ago my world stop turning.. Tink x

Comment by DanielleGoulden on November 18, 2011 at 2:33pm

I am so sorry to everyone who is struggling with their loss and grief. It will be 10 months for us at the end of november and although all of our journey's are different, I have experienced it all. The intense sadness, longing for his smell, touch, warm body, kind words, the loss of our family and a beautiful happy blissful life, the financial worry that "oh my god, it is just me now", the exhaustion from juggling work, kids, sports and our household all by myself, the constant questioning of why, why, why did this happen to us? I take it day by day and have learned that it is the small things in life; my son's dashing smile, a hug from a friend, a walk in the beautiful mountains with my puppy, someones kind words of encouragement and support, a movie night with chips, dip and licorice....those are the things I now treasure most of all. All struggles aside, I appreciate those moments, stop myself and acknowledge there significance and importance. It will all work out because I am going to will it to be so! I miss Robbie with every breath I take but as I heal, I am starting to look forward to what the future holds for me on this great adventure called life. A awful terrible thing happened to us and life could not have been worse than sitting in the Intensive Care Unit shaking uncontrollably while the doctor told me my husband had suffered a massive brain injury...nothing could be worse! We have all felt what it is like to have someone roll a grenade into our homes and lives. I dig deep everyday and know in my heart I and my boys are going to be fine, in fact we are going to be great!!! Have faith in yourselves and know in your hearts that you are amazing, strong, courageous, and beautiful women who have endured everyone's worst nightmare and ARE surviving and doing remarkably well despite feeling the opposite. I am proud to be part of such an amazing group of women.

Comment by Sheryl-momof4 on November 18, 2011 at 11:27am

@ ckopka,

I totally get it.  The loss of freedom that you used to have when there were two of you.  Not being able to do the things in the evening that you used to, me personally, I was a late night Walmart shopper.  I'd go at like 9:00 at night when the kids were in bed and wander around until 11:00 when they closed.  I can't do that any more.  

As for the life insurance check, I can see where it would be upsetting, but as a mother of four kids I would have done ANYTHING to have had life insurance on Brian.  I don't mean that to belittle your feelings about it, please don't take it that way.  We talked about life insurance a lot, but we never did it.  We were self employed, so SS payments are very low.  I now have the task of figuring out how we are going to make it.  I worked for Brian and I have to sell his practice (he was a Chiropractor) and that is the only "chunk" of money we will get, and it is not a lot either.  I have a commercial building that the clinic is in, but with the economy what it is I can't sell it for what it is worth so I have to rent it and try to make enough from that to cover expenses.  Sorry, this sounds like a pity party for me and it wasn't meant to be that!  We will be at 11 weeks tomorrow, that is so very hard to believe.    I miss my Brian and I miss the life that we had and the life we were supposed to have.  My kids miss their dad.  Yet life keeps moving forward no matter how much I want to kick and scream and get it to STOP!

Comment by ckop on November 18, 2011 at 10:23am

Last night was rough for me.  First - the life insurance check came.  While I was so grateful that he took care of us, looking at number that is supposed to represent his life makes me physically sick.  My stomach rolls writing this.  Then, I began gathering all of his hockey jerseys and favorite t-shirts so I could send them away and have them made into a quilt.  I have been thinking of this for the entire 8 weeks and really have been sort of paralyzed by the thought.  BUT - my goal this weekend is to gather what I need so I can make this important keepsake for me and the kids.  Then - I always see the midnight twilight movies with friends.  Honestly, I accepted without thinking because it is what we always do - but the kids - fairly - siad they weren't comforable sleeping at night with no grownup in the house so I cancelled.  My one friend was like - "Em babysits - why is she not comfortable being home?"  WHAT???- you are criticizing because my 14 and 10 year old are not comfortable sleeping at home by themselves from midnight until 3am???   I was mad too because I couldn't go - mad at the SITUATION I am in - not mad at my kids for being reasonable.    The second two are so small compared to the first - but being so angry about the check made everything else so much worse.

Comment by kittymom on November 18, 2011 at 1:13am

I am also having a tough night Joyce. Today Ron has been gone 4 weeks and that seemed to hit me hard. My emotional outbursts are always triggered by something and it certainly doesn't take much for me to find a trigger!! I am finally going to send out 2 of his death certificates and I am sure I will be sending out more before the end of the year. I have been putting off filling out all the forms that I need to because I always have to attach his death certificate. I really just wanted to leave the death certificates in the envelope in which they came. I guess looking at them just makes it all real, as if it wasn't already. I am so not looking forward to the holidays nor the winter months without him. This is the time of year we always spent the most time together because golf season has ended. We really did not get to spend much time together over the 4.5 months he lived after his diagnosis. I told him to spend his time however he wanted. With his work, golf, Dr. appts, 3 weeks in the hospital, and having no energy left after work, we really didn't get the quality time together I would have liked. However, I did not want to be selfish and kept telling myself he is the on who is going to die. I think I really wont start feeling any relief from this grief until warmer weather comes back in the Spring. I will miss snuggling with him this Winter and it will be almost unbearable without him. I am really hating all of the "firsts" and just hope I will experience most of them in 1 year and will be able to be happy with my new life. Right now life just really sucks!

Comment by Joyce on November 18, 2011 at 12:20am

@Tomdar2, I know everyone says one day at a time or on minute at a time, and I do get that most of the time, but tonight I'm just walking around saying Why, What's the point!  I just miss him so much.  I'm sure I'll feel a little better tomorrow, but tonight I'm just sad.  Hugs to you!

Comment by tomdar2 on November 18, 2011 at 12:08am

Amen to that! Six months is harder than I expected. I hit that next Wednesday.

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