Widowed in 2011

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Comment by Lisa (lost) Lamb on March 4, 2012 at 5:47am

I understand your pain ratay10, I lost my husband May 14 2011 to lung cancer also and it's still a day to day struggle. I will be flying to Tx. this Wed. for my Granddaughter to have heart surgery on the 9th, she is only 8 months old. I'm a little worried about going because I help my Mom and Dad out sense he started chemo but I have to be there for my Molly. I really do understand and yes with all of the extra things going on it does make it very hard to grieve and take care of your self. If you ever need to talk, vent or anything just contact me. My computer will be going to Tx with me. I'm sending prayers your way and hope you can get a little more peace with each passing day. ((((Hugs))))

Comment by Patty Sue on March 4, 2012 at 2:39am

Hi, Ratay10, So sorry for your loss and your many troubles since then. You have so much on your plate. I lost my husband last September but coming here has helped so much...to prove you are not crazy, you are not alone, crying is OK, and you can and will survive this. We all survive changed though...I guess how changed is up to us to some degree. Keep dropping in to see us. Be good to yourself. Hugs.

Comment by jimswife33 (Michelle) on March 4, 2012 at 12:31am

Hi Ratay10,  Im so sorry for your loss.  I lost my Jim to lung cancer also. We were together 33 years.  He turned 62 in sept and passed away 12/29/11.   So its only been 2 months for me.  I dont like this new life either.  Most days I am crying so much I dont feel like doing anything either but being on here and knowing other people understand that pain and talking to me has helped.  I hope you find being here helpful too.  Hugs.

Comment by Stumbling (Susan) on March 4, 2012 at 12:13am

Hi Ratay10.  Welcome to this website.  I lost my husband to cancer the month before you lost yours, so I know how difficult this journey is.  You will find a lot of support here.  There are lovely people and it really does help.  Join in chat some time.  They give you encouragement every day.  Everyone here gets it, and you will have all the emotional support you could ask for.

Comment by ratay10 on March 4, 2012 at 12:06am

Hello..I'm new here. I joined in January, but never could bring myself to comment because I have been too emotionally upset. My husband passed away from lung cancer May 20,11,the day after his 61st birthday. We were together for 38 years and have 3 grown children and 10 grandchildren. I'm still trying to find my way each day, It's not getting any easier like I heard it would. I appreciate reading all your comments, it helps me to know that I'm not crazy, just full of grief. I feel like our family has lost our leader, now I have to try and keep things together and it's very hard. I always thought of myself as being independent, I am so wrong. Reminding myself of what just happened is necessary, sometimes I think he's coming home. I don't feel at all like myself. My life is forever changed. I don't like it. Weeks after Jim's death, our oldest son had heart surgery to implant an LVAD heart pump - his only chance for survival. He has been in and out of hospital for numerous complications since and needs a transplant very soon. I have been the main caretaker of their blended family of six children. Going through this has delayed my grief...and theirs too. My daughter just had major emergency back surgery last month so I have had to help her a lot too (they have four kids). All of this has distracted me so much that, when I finally had a few days to myself recently, I found myself overwhelmed and in a lot of pain. I'm sad and lonely, more than ever. Thank you for being here. 

Comment by dobster on March 3, 2012 at 10:12pm

Tears while doing taxes...I still have to do mine because I can't bear the thought of all the medical bills, all the treatments and still he didn't make it...almost 3 months since he has been gone...some days it is just to much!  Thanks Anne63 for sharing.

Comment by Anne63 on March 3, 2012 at 10:08pm

Tommi and Lisa, I understand your pain / tears while doing taxes. J and I always did our taxes together and it was hard to see all those medical bills knowing that he didn't survive despite all those treatments. It's taken me almost 6 weeks to complete our taxes.

Tonight, I cried as I wrote letters to 2 out of state friends - will need to reread them tomorrow to see if they make sense. So hard to be positive when I feel so empty inside.

Comment by Anne63 on March 3, 2012 at 9:54pm

Stormycat, I understand how you are feeling - it has been 14 weeks for me and his birthday is this Monday. I have felt empty since his death and last night had a mini meltdown when our community had a power outage due to a snowstorm. 2 of my widow friends have said that you learn to live with the pain over time. (Hugs)

Comment by Sheryl-momof4 on March 3, 2012 at 5:59pm

Annette, I love what you said "Remember YOU are HIS Heaven". Brian did not really like his mom, and we had a really close relationship. I know that he loved me more than anyone in the world, sometimes I wonder if he loved me more than our kids. I love the thought that I am his Heaven.
Today is 6 months since he died and I still miss him so much, but this is exactly what I needed today, to believe that I am his Heaven. Thank you!!

Comment by Lisa (lost) Lamb on March 3, 2012 at 5:34pm

@ TommiJ: I understand, I'm doing the same thing. My one year will be May 14th and I keep trying to get my tax papers ready but I can only stand to do a little at a time. It's hard to to look at the medical bills and not get upset. Your right if brings that time just flooding back, I was setting on the floor in my computer room going through paperwork and the tears just started to fall. It's hard to get anything done once that starts.

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