Widowed in 2011

Comment

Comment by smit09 on April 15, 2012 at 11:31pm

I say 'we' and 'our' ... and in some circles of friends, they actually think I have found someone else/  whatever. wierd.

I don't get upset at people anymore for their crazy opinions or suggestions, or assumptions... I just correct them and say exactly what you're saying Letha, it's an adjustment.  I didn't ask for my marriage to end, hell, mine just began.

I always just say, 'I may not have a marriage anymore, but he'll always be my husband"

what you said Lisa, makes perfect sense. Legal stuff does not matter when you feel married in your heart.  

Comment by Lisa (lost) Lamb on April 15, 2012 at 6:40pm

I just hit 11 months yesterday and I still have everything of my husbands, I also use the word ours all the time. Like the house, We had it built and it will always be our house even when my MIL is coming into town she will tell everyone that she's staying at KC and Lisa's house. I also put KC's name in () when I give a gift because I know he would want to give it if he was still here and It's both of ours money. It makes me feel better thinking that way, maybe in time I wont but for now I think what ever gets you trough is just fine. As for still being married ( I am ), KC may not be on this earth with me anymore but I still wear my rings and I still feel married in my heart and mind. I didn't divorce him, legally they can say what they want but I go by what i feel in my heart.

Comment by Letha on April 15, 2012 at 6:14pm

I know Mariposa. I still feel married to. I was married 38 yrs...so it's taking a while to adjust!

Glad I'm not alone with the "we" thing. I say it without even thinking. I wonder if the people I'm talking to notice...

Comment by Mariposa on April 15, 2012 at 4:35pm

Letha- yes I still say the "we" thing and I am trying to use "I" more often. I find that I still feel married and I still think of myself as married, yet, I am a widow. How long will it take before I "get it" and not describe myself as "married" when my beloved is gone from this Earth? I really don't know.

Comment by LJ1 on April 15, 2012 at 4:25pm

My husband was a police officer, and it's been one year, and I still can't tackle his closet of uniforms. I know I will bring them to his office, where they can be re-used. I cleaned out his "civilian" clothes a while ago. I am on vacation this week and that office is on my list! Here's hoping I'm up to it!
Even one year later, I still get surprised by the things that will bring back the pain. I was at the grocery store yesterday and needed to change something on my store card. I asked if they could remove my husband's account. The clerk told me that he would have to come on and cancel it. I replied, "he's dead"! The clerk was a bit flustered and told me to just use my name - and wouldn't remove his!

To Letha, I always say "we" and then always feel a tug at my heart! At least my son is still living with me, so I can use that as an excuse!

Comment by heatherL on April 15, 2012 at 2:44pm

I do the "we" and "our" thing all the time, always jarring, can't seem to help myself :-(

Comment by Letha on April 15, 2012 at 2:08pm

I still can't bring myself to clean out the basement. That was the "man cave" and everything down there was Michael's. I've pretty much shut the door and tried to ignore it because going down there is hard. It looks just like the day he was killed. There's even a t-shirt still tossed across the weight bench. I know sooner or later I will have to clean it out...but I'm going with later.

Does anyone else still say "we" as opposed to "I"??  I simply cannot break that habit. Was talking to a neighbor this morning about the home repairs I had done all last week and kept catching myself saying "we" about everything. Oh well.."we" is now me and Caly I guess. (Caly's my Lab)

Comment by smit09 on April 15, 2012 at 1:26pm

Patty Sue: totally feel the same way.  Although I recently went on a date, and could tell right away that i was not interested.... i could tell he was though, so I had to play the widow card.  So I guess I'm not worried that I will fall unwisely anymore, glad I hurdled that!  good luck to you.... still hear ya on the laziness involving clean out!!!

everybody having an alright weekend?

Comment by Denise on April 15, 2012 at 4:12am

Mariposa-glad your son is doing well. Mine has not been too expressive either. But he was right after Christmas. He is 17.

Comment by Patty Sue on April 15, 2012 at 2:07am

Right about never knowing what will set you off. During the week before Easter, I felt like I had already lived through Good Friday and resented having to remember and do it again. Easter was easier; I spent it with a new friend. Now I find myself really missing male companionship and afraid I will fall for someone unwisely. Still feel very vulnerable sometimes. Still also very lazy about doing further cleanout of things--garage, work bench, rest of closet. Oh, well; I guess I'll know when I am ready to do all that.

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• …
• 179
• 180
• 181
• 182
• 183
• …
• 427
• Next ›
• Page