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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Widowed in 2011

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Members: 507
Latest Activity: Nov 3

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Comment by Sad One on November 3, 2018 at 9:17pm

Thank you Barzan, for your supportive advise. Good idea to get it out in the form of a letter. *sigh.  (Hugs)

Comment by Barzan on November 3, 2018 at 3:27pm

Sad One,  

I'm so sorry you are feeling that nasty punch to the gut.  We are all here for and have all felt it at times.  Take care of yourself.  Maybe write him a long letter and tell him how you feel.  I find it cathartic to do this.  I keep a spiral notebook with lots of letter to my honey.

Sending a virtual hug.

Comment by Sad One on November 3, 2018 at 1:47pm

Hello. Today, I am at one of those waves that come on suddenly, that feels down and low. Trying to function through it, by keeping busy. But, I guess, not busy enough. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day.

Comment by Mark99 on November 1, 2018 at 5:03pm

More of my ongoing engagement with my grief and loss. 

New Post: “My Grief is My Sims” Grief is a world created by death & fueled by memories Grief world does not have to be painful & stagnant Grief world mimics the worlds Sims players create and thrive in

https://bit.ly/2CX9Yx5

Comment by Sad One on October 23, 2018 at 11:01am

I miss talking to him. I'm at 7 years, 8 months. I miss sharing with him, even small silly things that happen on a daily basis. Coming home, or him coming home, and we 'd share the events of the day with eachother. Nobody else is an ear like my husband was. I try talking to daughter, son, aunt. And they all respond, like why are you talking to me about insignificant moments, and I get an "ok?" And, " and? " from my own son. I soooo miss talking to my Husband, who cared about my insignificant moments.

Comment by Barzan on October 21, 2018 at 8:25am

I’m in total agreement.  We are here for each other.  We lift up those of us that need it and share our thoughts and struggles.  Comforting to know someone is always here to reach out.  It’s such a blessing.

Comment by Mark99 on October 21, 2018 at 7:43am

I love and cherish this group as well. It is the insight, heart felt posts, and the fact we are in this together and help each other survive and grow. Grief, loss, love, and mourning come in waves and everyone here is a lighthouse guiding me. Thank you all. 

"Remembering What You Don't Remember is Important" 

Those memories (skills) Donna had died with her. Though they were effectively removed from my heart they were not lost as much as witnesses to deficits in my life now. Twice a year when I am faced with changing the shames and duvet I remember what I didn’t remember, Donna did this.

https://www.donnathebook.com/blog/2018/10/10/you-dont-remember-what...  

Comment by Cee on October 20, 2018 at 1:10pm

Love this group, there is always some one here to listen and give a  hand up. Thanks

Comment by Shirlene on October 20, 2018 at 10:45am

I haven't posted in a long time but I read all the comments. I'm 7 years out. I am in the education field and I started a new job for this school year. My late husband was a middle school teacher. BOY do I wish he was here to talk about it with. I miss his 'guy' straight forward approach to stuff, caring but unemotional. I just miss his viewpoint and perspective and humor (in general). 

Also, I finally got a gravesite and stone and buried his ashes in August. We had a small graveside service with immediate family and the priest from our parish for interment. I had full funeral when he died, but it was so sudden, we did not have wills and a plan - I just new he wanted to be cremated. And we were relatively young-ish - he was 49 and I was 45. So I feel good about this - giving a place for family and friends to pay their respects - and our son who was 5 when he passed. 

Also, I had a meltdown last year - 6 years after his death and I spiraled down into deep depression like I had never before. Long story. I started to panic over all the decisions I had made since my husband's death, how I have handled things with our son who has special needs. I couldn't sleep. I had thoughts of ending it all. It was rough. I got counseling, got on medication - it took about 1 year to get on a good path again. My close pals say they are surprised it didn't happen sooner with everything I had been through. But I got through it. I'm all my son has and I had to get better. So don't put off counseling if you feel yourself 'going down'.

I know this was all over the place. Hang in there everyone. Try to do stuff that makes you happy, even if they are little things.  

Comment by chef (John) on October 20, 2018 at 9:59am

@Cee: Early on, another widower gave me this bit of advice: "It will get easier over time, but it will never be easy again." I have found this to be a true (and realistic) statement.

I'm in Year VIII and still have memories (both good and bad) of my pre-widower days. Hugs from Cleveland.

 

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