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Widowed in 2011

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Comment by t2 on August 31, 2016 at 9:40am
My therapist believes I have PTSD. Obviously, still working through this. I've finally decided to sell the house. After 5 years I feel I need to do it now. Somehow feels like it's been a security blanket, as well as an anchor keeping me from really moving on. Love you guys.
Comment by Slick on August 31, 2016 at 8:29am

There is never anything to beat ourselves up about in these situations....smit...it sounds to me that you hadn't fully acknowledged your loss and when you did it all came flooding back...a theory of PTSD and dx are very different..just and FYI..I'd rather see you get the proper help ..and if it's grief it;s very different counseling then PTSD counseling ...each are a specialty..you opened up and that's a good thing....keep the meditation up..I find it to be a blessing at times...PEACE and good luck

Comment by smit09 on August 31, 2016 at 8:22am

Slick

For a while, I've been just coping with little things....finally something happened in my present life that triggered all of these feelings/thoughts/emotions that I had thought was buried.  I teach and practice yoga and meditation, so I think a large part of my healing seemed easy.... 

once this situation happend... I knew i had to seek professional help... I am seeing a councellor who has this theory that I may have PTSD.  *its not a dx*

it does make sense, and I am on the healing path once again... I just sometimes beat myself up about how difficutl it has to be.

Comment by Flowing57 on August 31, 2016 at 4:49am

thank you Chef (John). My children and I had a very nice trip. Sometimes it just hits me. I am running a household, doing everything, raising 4 kids alone, and I honestly have to get those thoughts out of my head because it's just too overwhelming! It's hard to believe we are all five years into this *widowhood*. Acceptance, definitely. Happiness, sometimes. Life is so uncertain, I have really learned to embrace each moment, and not focus on the illusions of life.

Comment by Slick on August 31, 2016 at 4:13am

I was dx with PTSD 15 years ago....I'm not sure by your post that you have PTSD unless you have been dx by a licensed, trained psychologist or psychiatrist....they're the only ones who can do it...a good counselor trained in treating PTSD can be a great help....I have multiple traumas that caused mine from childhood... and then multiple deaths in a 10 year span didn't help...find yourself someone professional and trained...then can do a world of wonders in helping......best of luck ..I am sorry you're going through this...PEACE

Comment by smit09 on August 31, 2016 at 3:35am

hello PTSD

where the hell did you come from all of a sudden after almost 5 years

so I thought I was in the clear,... 5 years next month, and I've been making quite a life for myself post loss.... but something triggered some pretty intense inner battles that I was unaware existed.  not fun

anyone experience this?  like totally all of a sudden, it feels like he just died again

Comment by Pelican on August 30, 2016 at 11:00pm
I approached my five year memorial in May. My husband died suddenly at age 50. Some days it seems like a life time ago. Other days it seems like he passed away recently. I have met so many people that have helped me out since my husband passed away. There are days when I wish I could introduce them to him.
I also agree that acceptance does not mean you are happy. Over the years I have found that I need to find the new person I have become through activities, hobbies, events and friends. I still feel more comfortable talking to widows/widowers.
Comment by Slick on August 30, 2016 at 6:24am

John...I agree...always changing....I am part of who I was at 17 and part of who I have become...and I keep changing with every class I take, my 2 years of volunteering, dates, lectures...I have learned and changed...especially dating has taught me a lot...yes I can have another love interest...companion in my life...but I have learned what I need, what I can bring to the table..marriage??? No acceptance does not equate to happiness.....I have accepted so much in my life having PTSD it's almost laughable at times...I think me saying I acknowledge my losses sits better and clearer in my mind..that's all...thank you for your kindness..there are no words..

LucyGoo..Bill also died a horrific death so the horror and pain I watched , the things I had to learn to do to care for him took me a long time to get the visions from my mind...I can now look at his picture, pictures of us and remember how happy we were together, how much fun he was, wonderful sense of humor ...and how protective he was of me when I hurt......

Comment by LucyGoo on August 30, 2016 at 6:08am

I think what helped me is that the horror of the way he died - so sick, so much treatment, months in the hospital - has finally faded into the background and now when I think of him it is in happier times.  It is such a relief to think of him and see his/our life rather than his death.  I look out at the garden and see the things he helped me plant, the things he built for our house, etc.  When I see the kids they tell his stories over and over so that we all laugh and remember.  That's the peace I have been hoping for and what I wish for all of us.

Comment by chef (John) on August 30, 2016 at 5:37am

Slick:

I think we're all always approaching some point on the horizon. I am certainly not the same person I was before my wife died, but I've also learned that I had to learn to trust myself to do the right thing and continue to live in the meantime. "Acceptance" does not equate to "happiness"; it is simply a recognition of what is.

We did not have children, so I can't even begin to understand what you feel as far as the loss of your daughter goes. Please accept my sympathy.

 

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