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Widowed in 2011

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Members: 506
Latest Activity: Jul 17

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Comment by Maggie on June 2, 2017 at 6:25pm
I moved a year ago to a different state where I did know a few people. I feel like I left my life behind and all that it was and all that it could have ...should have been. I feel it was someone else now who lived there...another couple...another lifetime. It's a very weird feeling. I'm going up that way soon to see my brother who is near to where I lived before. I have a few friends I'd like to see from the old neighborhood, but find I'm dreading it. I don't want to see it and be reminded of what is no more...never to be again. I don't forget my husband and I never will, but it is simply too painful for me to be faced with it again. I can't explain it, but this is a very powerful feeling for me. For you, it doesn't help that your new place is not what you probably expected or wanted. I value quiet and privacy and an apt would be difficult. I hope it improves for you
Comment by Bunny on June 2, 2017 at 3:12pm

Hi Everyone,  This past weekend I moved from a 3 bedroom newer townhouse that I shared with my husband and my sons, to a 2 bedroom (maybe dated 60's) apartment by myself, my sons as they should be are on their own I had hoped that I could buy a small house but that didnt go as planned.  So many emotions this week I have in the past had a private entrance here I dont have and trying to get use to that,  I have met my neighbors and they seem nice enough.  According to the landlord I shouldnt hear my neighors below me well last night I could hear them slamming the closet door (about 1:30 am). I did sign a year lease so I hope I can make it.  My question to you all - I feel that I have left something behind, I checked and rechecked my previous place about 5 times and so did my son before I turned in the keys.  Has anybody that has moved to a new place (at least to them) feel that way?  It doesnt seem to be that I left material things behind but my life.  I'm going thru the motions of trying to get settled in but does this feeling go away?  Any words of wisdom.

Comment by Slick on May 31, 2017 at 1:13pm

Thanks Barzan......I have thought of it every year ....but have no one to go with...I don't know if it would be any different if I made plans and went alone ...or if it would just remind me that I am alone....to me it is a good answer to helping us through certain times of the year....to go away , make plans even for a day trip....it's hard...because to me it's not just the one day...it  can be a week before or a month before.....

Comment by Barzan on May 31, 2017 at 12:49pm

John and Slick,

My 6 year anniversary is coming up on June 13th and dread it still.  I have made it a ritual to drive down to Santa Fe, NM with a friend for a week during that time.  I still have difficulty being a home on the anniversary.  I was home for the 1st one and thought I'd never make it through the day. 

I understand the dread Slick.  Perhaps you can try what I do and take a trip somewhere where you can find peace during that time. 

John, those baby steps become blocks and then miles but the memories are as close as they day they left.  We do change on this journey and hopefully we become better people along the way. 

Comment by Slick on May 31, 2017 at 12:17pm

John....we seem to be at the same place...Bill passed 6 years ago this past March 1.....the day of my deceased daughter's birthday so it will always be a double whammy day for me.....I am off balance the week before but once the day is here I am OK....big change in the past 6 years.....I took one day at a time and did what was best for me for the past 6 years.....I just dated someone for 4 months and after 3 he changed drastically.......the attitude and nastiness he had made me think of Bill...and I remembered who I am worth..so I broke it off....no one deserves that and since I don't need someone in my life...I would like to have someone to have some fun with and share life's laughs with....I certainly won't expose myself to that...I agree that we change....we all do....I am still partly who I was.....but there are parts of me missing that will never return...I lost a part when I lost my daughter ..and another part when I lost Bill...it's OK ...I know who I am....and still like me...still have a smile....for everyone....still laugh, PEACE 

Comment by chef (John) on May 31, 2017 at 11:39am

I amazed it how far I have come since my husband/wife died.

So true. In the beginning, I was told to take "baby steps" by people who were further along then I was. I wasn't sure that could believe them at the time, because time was just standing still back then as far as I was concerned. Somehow, they were right. I can now look back and see how far I've come. I am still largely the guy I was before Judith died, but part of the person who I was prior to becoming a widower is now just gone--and I both miss that part of me but also recognize that this change has taken place.

Comment by Princess Warrior Widow on May 19, 2017 at 5:22am

Barzan,

The season that really gets me is the end of the farmer's market each fall.  I had not really paid attention to it until last fall.  Wow this time is hit me really hard.  The good thing is that I know that the grief storms will pass and that I can deal with them.  I amazed it how far I have come since my husband died.

Have a good weekend everyone.

Comment by Barzan on May 14, 2017 at 6:41am

Marsha and Gaining,

Being on this unfortunate journey, we have unpredictable triggers that can set of a variety of emotions.  We don't have warning, they just come.  Sometimes a commercial on tv can bring me to tears or profound sadness from something that happened to someone I know.  There is no guide for us to follow on how to deal with these and we just have to find our own way.  I push myself to go for a walk or immerse myself in a book.  We all need to find what works for us.

We have people in our lives that also keep us going.  My family is very important in my life.  And being that it's Mother's Day today, I will all moms a blessed day.

Comment by Marsha on May 14, 2017 at 4:49am

I don't come in to WV much any more. Brazan you just made me feel that I am not crazy. There are times I just don't feel connected and do wonder why I am here. This journey of widowhood is not for the weak. I do enjoy my grandson immensely and he is a reason to go on. Just seems so hard at times yet we have all come so far on this journey. Also with my brother having terminal cancer and another friend now fighting against this horrible disease, it opens up the wounds and emotions of loss. I did not lose my husband to cancer yet my heart breaks no matter what the reason for anyone now facing the journey. So we continue to breathe and put one foot in front of the other. Some days better than others. Sending much love to all walking this journey and feeling blessed having met such incredible people along the way.

Comment by Gaining Strength on May 13, 2017 at 5:08pm

Barzan, I feel loss at odd times. Today I went grocery shopping. Everything was fine when suddenly out of the blue, I felt that dark, low, sad, cloud came over me. I just stood there staring at the bunker until it passed. I do not believe it will ever stop.

 

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