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Widowed in 2011

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Comment by Princess Warrior Widow on June 9, 2018 at 2:29pm

Slick... I am glad that we can come here without judgment. Sometimes I feel like the fifth wheel when I go out with couples. They don’t make me feel that way. It’s just me. I am ok with it now. It does not last long. 

Hang on there my friend. 

Comment by Princess Warrior Widow on June 9, 2018 at 3:20am

It’s summertime and farmer’s market time. What’s your favorite grit or vegetable?  Mine is watermelon. I can’t wait for August. 

Comment by Princess Warrior Widow on June 9, 2018 at 3:18am

Hi Cee,  I’m going to see Hamilton this summer. I’m excited. Barazan I like how you make travel plans. 

chef (John). I get those sucker punches sometimes too. I’m glad now that I know they will go away. 

Slick I understand that it is hard to make new friends. 

Comment by Barzan on May 16, 2018 at 4:19pm

Cee - yes I have plans for the summer.  1 trip down and 3 to go.  Friends and family start making plans at the beginning of the year.  Everyone announces what their plans are and I can hop on or let them hop on to what I have in mind.  This usually works out really well as we split costs of rentals.

I really try to pack my free time with travel, art or  events.  It works for me.

Comment by Cee on May 16, 2018 at 2:10pm

Hi group, how is everyone today?

 Do you have any plans for the summer? I wish I did, but nothing interesting on my calendar.

Have you found any other groups that have members in our time frame? Someone mentioned to me that we need an more active network for the not so new to this club and I agree. There are times I would love someone to talk to that understood that this isn't something you can put a time frame on and there are days that are hard to get through.

 Do you have friends that you can call on the "spur of the moment" to go for coffee or a movie or anything just to get out and be around people.

 We we all so lucky to have our partners for the time we did but no one is going to tell me that I shouldn't still miss him.

  HUGS to all.

Comment by chef (John) on May 2, 2018 at 8:55am

Cee:

I still have moments when something comes out of nowhere and sucker-punches me--and I expect that it will continue for the rest of my life. I definitely agree with the sentiments re: no longer having the one who "always had my back" too. OTOH, I can also be grateful for the fact that I did have Judith for the the 30+ years that I did.

Comment by LucyGoo on April 15, 2018 at 7:16am

I think, for me, it's about being alone.  I don't mean lonely.  I am very fortunate to have a community of friends and family to spend time with, and having grown up as the much younger child with distant parents, I am really comfortable being by myself and entertaining myself - but I just so often feel profoundly alone.  I miss having a partner, a buddy, someone as Maggie wrote, who always had my back.

Comment by Maggie on April 15, 2018 at 6:12am

I've been reading all these comments and can relate to them all. I'm only at 5 yrs, but once you pass that mark, I think we are all closer in how we feel, especially if we are still not involved with a man. I, for one, am not looking and just can't see it ever happening at my age (71). 

I have made a life...moved, bought my own home, made a few new friends, volunteer once a week, stay busy yada, yada yada.

But the point I most relate to is the friendship issue. I have no friends from long ago like high school, or where I use to work etc. I do have my ex SIL sharing my home, but she has a guy and is gone most of the time. I do have a couple of new friends I go out to eat with etc. but sometimes I view these as temporary friends, as there hasn't been the time to build long deep friendship. 

Mostly I just feel physically and mentally tired...the struggle to stay busy, keep social etc. 

I have no children or grandchildren...no family but a brother who is not nearby.

So I still really feel the loss of my husband. We were married 28 years and were always together. I so miss having that feeling that "someone had your back." We were happy even with some problems with his adjustment to retirement and I believe depression he had in the last few years of his life. But I just don't feel I'll ever have that closeness again. You can be surrounded by people and still feel alone. I think it's because mostly the others seem to have a complete life..fulfilled and I don't have a  sense of this.

I expressed in another place how sometimes I feel it was all so long ago, like another life and this in itself makes me sad. The first year or two after his death, I still felt close in time to him and now it has faded. Plus getting older myself, I know it's all going to go someday..all our memories...gone.

well as you can see I'm in a melancholy mood today and I'm rambling.

Comment by Cee on April 12, 2018 at 3:52pm

I don't know if I should say I am glad to see others feeling the same way or should be sorry for all of us for having a return of the "sads". Some days I feel like I am losing it and am ready to give up and just crawl into a little ball and forget about the world around me.  I wonder if it is usual to go through these cycles. I too thought I should be doing better by now and, except for one Dr who said I had a morbid grief reaction, people think I am doing well because I am involved in a few groups and activities and do get out of the house - not very far away from home. This past week I just found any excuse I could to not go out as I was feeling so down I just didn't want to be around anyone. I hope this passes and I can find a little peace.

  HUGS to all of you, it is so wonderful to have you here to share these feelings with.

Comment by Bunny on April 12, 2018 at 3:26pm

Hi Slick

I know the feelings all to well too!  My husband's birthday was this past Tuesday and live 3 hours from the rest of my family plus I slipped on the ice 3 weeks ago and have a hair line fracture in my knee.  I have one son that lives 2 towns away but he works fulltime and goes to school to continue his education, he helps me when he can.  Plus to make matters worse my sister who lost her husband in 2016 has been able to find someone new so yes the past 7 years has really caught up with me.  I know how hard it is to find friends that like to do things that you like and have a interest in yes there are many days weeks months that I feel so alone.  I am trying to not let these feelings become a person that gives into them.  So fight hard everyday to not let these feelings get you down because you are a strong person because you keep fighting.  We all need to keep fighting and living to maybe prove to ourselves that we are worth the effort to be happy!

Wishing you happiness and peace

 

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