This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."


Widowed in 2011

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Comment by LucyGoo on August 18, 2018 at 4:26pm

Well, here it is, "deathaversary" number 7.  Not sure how I feel this year.  Still hard to believe so much time has passed, until I look at all that has changed.  I still live in the same place and am fortunate to have many of the same friends, but it's all so different.  And, all still tinged with sadness. 

Comment by Mark99 on August 7, 2018 at 9:29am
I think we call all agree the death anniversary is a difficult day month etc. Here are my thoughts.


“August 7, 2011 5:50PM An End A Beginning” From July till August the waves of memories rage and roil within me so much so that I go back and bring forward what was to what is.
Comment by chef (John) on July 19, 2018 at 9:33am

Mark 99, 

Your final sentence made me laugh. Sometimes when I would say, "I'm trying.", Judith would respond with a sigh, a wink and, this reply: "Yes, at times you can very trying!" Thanks for a pleasant memory. :-)

Comment by Mark99 on July 12, 2018 at 4:30pm

Cee chef (John)

Thank you for the comments and thoughts. For me as the time in the rear view mirror is far greater than in the windshield my thoughts coalesce around what I can take forward since my life, my grief, my memories can or may benefit others or make me better in my knowledge of me. Maybe others as well. IDK but I am trying. 

Comment by chef (John) on July 12, 2018 at 7:11am

Mark 99: I particularly liked the link titled "Grief is Vivisection to Those Left Behind", but I do have a dark sense of humor.

Memories are a strange thing. I find them to be both comforting and upsetting, but I also realize that I am no longer the same person I was seven years ago. Sometimes I feel as though there are three versions of me mixed in with those memories: The Blissfully-ignorant-pre-widower Me, the Grief-stricken Me, and then the Working-things-through Me. Moving forward alone is difficult as well as unsettling, but it is also something that I have to do. Perhaps in a few years, I shall have learned more about myself and (maybe) also be better at accepting all that has happened. Reading everyone's comments is always useful.

Comment by Cee on July 12, 2018 at 5:10am

Mark99, interesting comment about memories. I have found there are days, and nights, when the memories immobilize me and I can't move my thoughts to the here and now.  It takes a lot to sort through those memories and put them in the back regions of mind mind - so they are still there but I can focus and do other things in the present.  I have tried setting aside a block of time that I make an appointment with my self - maybe using a picture or object  (a cup of tea) and sit there and enjoy. Then I but it back and go on with the day. I think it helped me to feel I don't have to forget the past but also that there is a future.

 HUGS to al

Comment by Mark99 on July 5, 2018 at 6:42am

“Does A Memory Love You?” We embrace memories because they act as mortar holding the worn bricks of our lives together. Memories refresh our thirst for meaning of the unknown.

Comment by Barzan on July 3, 2018 at 3:55pm

Princess, Thank you.  She is making great strides daily but may not be able to regain her freedom.  

Comment by Soaring Spirits on July 3, 2018 at 1:47pm

Cee - I believe when someone decides to leave the Village they have the choice of deleting all of their content or leaving it there and just removing their membership. I agree that it's unfortunate when a long time member decides to delete everything because so many conversations can be impacted. 

We do have many who have retained memberships who never post; however, there have been a good number of those who have posted after a very long time (sometimes years) and shared that they were reading all of this time and just didn't feel up to posting and interacting ... but that reading the posts gave them what they needed.

We will be moving Widowed Village to a new hosting platform sometime this year and expect the new site to be easier to navigate and will allow us to keep conversations on the same topics all together. It will also be closed to Google searches, so only members will be able to see the Village membership content. That said, we will not be able to transfer everything from this site over to the new one, so some things will be lost. We had hoped to have this move in place by now, but since we're a small volunteer team it keeps getting pushed back.

Comment by Cee on July 3, 2018 at 1:29pm

I didn't know that when some one left the group or WV all of their posts would be deleted. It is sad to loose members who are willing to share and help others. Deleting the messages also takes away the good advice they have given us.  This is the first time I have seen that happen.  On the other side I see names of people still listed that have not posted in several years. I find that disappointing when I find someone in my area or with my interests.

 I am not one of the most active posters but do try to read.


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