This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."


Widowed in 2011

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Latest Activity: Mar 18

Comment Wall


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Comment by Barzan on October 21, 2018 at 8:25am

I’m in total agreement.  We are here for each other.  We lift up those of us that need it and share our thoughts and struggles.  Comforting to know someone is always here to reach out.  It’s such a blessing.

Comment by Cee on October 20, 2018 at 1:10pm

Love this group, there is always some one here to listen and give a  hand up. Thanks

Comment by Shirlene on October 20, 2018 at 10:45am

I haven't posted in a long time but I read all the comments. I'm 7 years out. I am in the education field and I started a new job for this school year. My late husband was a middle school teacher. BOY do I wish he was here to talk about it with. I miss his 'guy' straight forward approach to stuff, caring but unemotional. I just miss his viewpoint and perspective and humor (in general). 

Also, I finally got a gravesite and stone and buried his ashes in August. We had a small graveside service with immediate family and the priest from our parish for interment. I had full funeral when he died, but it was so sudden, we did not have wills and a plan - I just new he wanted to be cremated. And we were relatively young-ish - he was 49 and I was 45. So I feel good about this - giving a place for family and friends to pay their respects - and our son who was 5 when he passed. 

Also, I had a meltdown last year - 6 years after his death and I spiraled down into deep depression like I had never before. Long story. I started to panic over all the decisions I had made since my husband's death, how I have handled things with our son who has special needs. I couldn't sleep. I had thoughts of ending it all. It was rough. I got counseling, got on medication - it took about 1 year to get on a good path again. My close pals say they are surprised it didn't happen sooner with everything I had been through. But I got through it. I'm all my son has and I had to get better. So don't put off counseling if you feel yourself 'going down'.

I know this was all over the place. Hang in there everyone. Try to do stuff that makes you happy, even if they are little things.  

Comment by chef (John) on October 20, 2018 at 9:59am

@Cee: Early on, another widower gave me this bit of advice: "It will get easier over time, but it will never be easy again." I have found this to be a true (and realistic) statement.

I'm in Year VIII and still have memories (both good and bad) of my pre-widower days. Hugs from Cleveland.

Comment by LucyGoo on October 15, 2018 at 3:58pm

I agree with Marsha - I think we generally cope pretty well, but these anniversaries and the holidays are just a heavier burden to manage - for me too, when things happen - I need to make an expensive decision about something related to my house - I know the right thing to do, but miss his wise voice soooo much.  I just miss him.  Period. 

Comment by Marsha on October 15, 2018 at 1:59pm

Cee I think we have learned how to manage the grief until we come up to the angelversary, anniversary and birthdays. My dates are all together so I wish January would just fly by. For me it will be 8 years in January so guess in some ways leading the pack with others who lost their loved ones at the start of a new year. I don't come on WV much any more. Life has taken over due to mother with dementia and loss of brother almost a year ago. There are times I just wish he was still here helping and supporting me. So many things we miss now that we have to deal with life on our own. Sending peace and blessings to all as we continue moving forward on this path.

Comment by Cee on October 15, 2018 at 1:48pm

Does it ever get any easier? This past week was 7 years since my heart left me and all I have are the tears which seem to find their way to the surface no matter how I try to stop them.

I try to keep busy and have a few activities but there are those down times that bring on the loneliness.  This colder weather isn't helping.

So HUGS to all who share this journey. May we find some peaceful days and happy memories.

Comment by chef (John) on September 14, 2018 at 9:52am

I would agree with Lissa as to counseling, Scrapbooker1310. If you are working, please check with HR to see whether they offer access to any types of programs. If this is not an option, I'd suggest that you look for local meetings of Griefshare. You might contact larger churches/hospitals/hospices in your area to see if any of them offers counseling services. Failing all else, also contact your local county mental health/family services department, to see if you have some recourse through those agencies.

Comment by Lissa on September 11, 2018 at 7:50pm

hi Scrapbooker13011

sigh ... I called my daughter and cried tonight because I feel like such a mess. Honestly, it is very hard and sometimes it seems completely overwhelming ... wait a minute I am not sure I am helping here... 

I guess I just wanted to reach out and let you know that at least there is a lot of empathy and compassion for you here.

I find a long walk and a good read can sometimes help make things better.

I was in grief counseling for a while and that also was helpful. I have been considering talking to someone again. Maybe seven years is some kind of milestone.

Comment by Scrapbooker1301 on September 11, 2018 at 6:03pm

Hi. I’m new here. My adorable husband Dan was diagnosed with lung cancer the end of September 2011. He went into cardiac arrest two weeks before Christmas due to the harsh chemo drugs he was receiving. I’m drowning. Still, 7 years later. I don’t know how to live my life. So much other crap going on, which just adds to the pain of my everyday life. A friend recommended this forum. I need help. 


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