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Widowed in 2011

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Comment by Cee on July 24, 2020 at 2:33pm

How are you coping with this isolation?  I am having a rough time, so afraid something will happen to me and there is no one here to help.

 Everything is falling apart around me - literally - so many things are breaking down, these are the times that I miss my handyman, he could fix almost anything or if not he knew where to get the help to fix it.

 One of my main problems is the tv service provider "upgraded" which means all of my system no longer works - I know it is old but I am from the school that is "if it ain't broke don't fix it".  Well guess the time has come to do the fixing except that I do not know how and have no one here to help. Of course the tv service wants to put in the biggest and best and most expensive and I do not need that. Just a little entertainment on quiet nights. and then I found out if you do not have an upgraded tv service you can't get their programing on the tv. so not much to watch there. At least the library has more books on the take a book shelves in the entry way.

 I hope things are going better with all of you.  HUGS

 any one know how to set up an old style dvd'vhs player?

Comment by Cee on July 8, 2020 at 5:23am

Lucy you seem to have done a good job of keeping busy. I have done a little sorting and organizing but the pains in the ankles and knees keeps me from doing anything in the yard or taking walks. I don't see that I am doing anything productive but some how the days pass.

 Luckily I have a few people I talk to on the phone and computer. Not reading because I am out of books and the library and senior center is closed so no where to get new ones - unless I buy them. I don't use a kindle or one of those things, I know I need to try it. That should be one of my projects

 Thinking of all of you, stay safe, stay well, stay positive.

Comment by Sad One on May 21, 2020 at 4:06pm

Hi all. I've been pretty much same as y'all. Staying in, and only been away from my home twice, once for market and once for pharmacy. I've been puttering around in my garden. Mostly cleaning up after the winds bring debris down. Every once in awhile I stop, and remember when hubby and I had planted that tree, and look how much it's grown now, or plants or shrubs. It's a lot of work for me, but I'm glad to have my small garden to enjoy. Stay safe.

Comment by LucyGoo on May 21, 2020 at 3:02pm
Hi all! We had a terribly rainy spring so I've been happy to get out in the sun a bit and work on the yard. Today I went to a local green house/farm to buy annuals. It's the first time I've been anyplace since this all started. I figured it was outdoors and not a busy place under usual circumstances so I felt comfortable. (Last week I put on sneakers to organize the garage and the dogs ran to their crates. They seemed a bit disappointed that I didn't actually go anywhere!)

I'm in New Jersey and it's been really bad here. The hospital a few blocks from me just got rid of the refrigerator truck they had to store bodies because the funeral homes were so backed up they couldn't get them fast enough. They've only just started taking non-covid cases.

Before the sun finally came out I made a bunch of masks, until I aggravated an old quilting injury and had to stop LOL. I did what everyone else did and purged all the closets and drawers. I haven't been able to read much which surprised me at it's always been my refuge. But, I've done a bunch of puzzles and have been playing canasta on-line with a friend. I've even done some Zoom calls so at least I've sort of seen my friends and family. I miss my social life - but in the big scheme of things I am safe and so much better off than so many that I hate to complain about anything.

Be well! Stay safe!
Comment by Deb on May 21, 2020 at 9:57am

Hi Cee!  Doing pretty much the same as you are.  Trying to get out in the yard & do some cleaning up there too.   Glad to finally be having some nice weather!

Comment by Cee on May 21, 2020 at 7:00am

Hello all - hope you are well and managing to keep busy during this trying time.

I'm well and staying home except to pick up groceries and that is just the drop off in the car not going in.

It will be nice to be able to get back to regular routines and be around people.

How are you keeping yourself busy?

Comment by Cee on January 1, 2020 at 3:50pm

Mark, you are so good about finding the right words to help the rest of us navigate this fog we are in. Thank you for being there for us.


Comment by Cee on January 1, 2020 at 3:48pm

Sad one,  Sorry I just came back in and found your posts. My heart aches for the way you were treated by your family. I can't believe they would treat you like that. Maybe the best thing about it was that it was short. I understand how much you looked forward to having family come to visit It should have been a happy time being with people.  These are the times we miss our spouses.

I did go over to the friends for dinner - just her, her husband and her sister and me, so it wasn't a long visit, It was nice that because she had to go pick up her sister she picked me up also and I didn't have to drive in the dark to come home.  This gal is one of those people that takes in all "strays"  she and her husband are always helping other people. It is nice that she does this but it makes me feel like one of her stays and not a real friend. our conversations are mostly her talking and me listening. I am complaining but I do appreciate that I have had her in my life - she was basically my life line when my husband died.

 Because of some other things happening here I am giving more thought to moving back to my home state and looking into some kind of senior living space so I wouldn't have to worry about all the home maintenance, and there would be people around to help - like last summer when I fell and I knew right away my shoulder was broken, I was all alone and it was about 5:00 in the morning so I managed to slide myself around and got to the phone to call an ambulance. After I got back home I had to hire one of the home care aids to help me for a while. That is what happens when you do not have family around. Oh the gal I mentioned did pick up some tv dinners for me and called a few times but she had her hands full with her own family to help much.

 I seem to be running off at the mouth tonight - guess I am just lonely and this is as close as I can get to talking to some one.

 S' I hope things have calmed down with you and we can all look forward to a brighter new year.


Comment by Daisy on January 1, 2020 at 8:37am

Mark, thank you so much for your post. It was just what I needed to read today! About 2 weeks ago I started to create a blog website. This morning I woke up thinking, "Should I really be doing this? Why did I start this?" I was beginning to doubt that it was a good idea. Then I read your post. What you said - and I really admire your eloquent way of expression - so perfectly reflects my motivation for starting this project. Yes, I'm doing it in part for myself as it is very therapeutic to write about your grief, but also and mostly to share with others in the hope that it will help them in some way and make them feel less alone on their grief journey. It helped me tremendously to be able to read about others' experiences and thoughts and it still does. So thank you for giving me the little "nudge" I needed to continue my foray into something that is a little out of my comfort zone and definitely involves a lot of learning!

I hope this new year brings hope, love, light and healing to everyone.  

Comment by Barzan on December 31, 2019 at 4:35pm

Mark, that was a very thoughtful post.  You are correct in that grief is viewed and dealt with much differently than it was years ago.  Not only have we spread out into communities but our measure of time allotted for most events have shrunk considerably.  Take for instance the Christmas decorations on store shelves the day after Halloween and Valentines stuff has already taken their place.  We are expected to overcome our grief in short order.  A question I posed to a friend who has been happily married for over 35 years was how long would it take for her to get over the death of her husband.  She hardly took a minute before replying that she probably never would.  I think maybe she gets it now but until your the one left alone, you really don’t get it.

I had 5 weeks with my husband before he took his last breath.  I can still vividly remember the last time he was sitting up on his hospice bed and thanking me for 31 of the happiest years and all that I’ve done for him.  We said our love yous and soon he was on heavy pain meds and never spoke again.  

He was a brilliant man who also wrote brilliantly.  Poetry, essays, short stories and greeting cards to me are all carefully stored in a box that I pull out and enter his world.  Much of his writings were while in uni and law school before I met him.  He taught me the lesson of patience, listening, not being judgmental and not swearing.  He was funny and goofy.  And best of all, he was the best part of my life for 32 years.  

I wish all of you a 2020 that is filled with strength and forward momentum.  I’m thankful to have all of you here to share our wid-life.




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