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Widowed in 2011

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Comment by Gaining Strength on June 20, 2017 at 7:51am

Cee, Your doctor has terrible bedside manner.  You have to lose your spouse to understand. As mush as it is very painful to lose your parents, sibling, close friend etc, the loss of a husband is on an entirely different level. Do not expect too many people to understand.

Comment by Cee on June 20, 2017 at 5:52am

Reading the notes of those of you that have moved gives me some thought that I could possibly do it. Some more things have come up that are making me think about moving again. I had talked my self into staying just because I thought it was easier.  I'm with the group that the sorting and cleaning out is an insurmountable mountain.  I have been working on it and do see some progress. I am like you Princess -need to be ready if the opportunity arises.  I know where I want to go if even in some aspects it doesn't make sense - cold winters hot summers? but it is "home"  We'll see.

  Have any of you had comments from a Dr. that you are "hanging on to your grief to long"  She really up set me calling my missing him and all the repairs etc he could do as well as the companionship - a morbid grief reaction and wanting me to go to a counselor.  Wonder if she has ever lost anyone close - doubt it or she would understand we can miss someone and still go on with our lives - if in a different way.

 HUGS to all of you, it is a beautiful cool sunny morning - one of those meant to be enjoyed.

Comment by Barzan on June 19, 2017 at 7:33pm

Mark99 - Very touched with your heartfelt piece and it made me reflect.  My husband has been gone since the 13th of this month.  We would have celebrated his 70th birthday this Saturday.  We would have fulfilled our dream of selling everything and moving to an island in the Caribbean.  He would have worked as a handyman if needed and I would pursue my painting.  It was all planned out and we talked about it late into the nights until we learned that he had inoperable cancer.  It was as if we had hit a wall going 90 mph.  I remember how much effort it was to breathe, stand, walk or speak as the consumption of his diagnosis was foremost in my mind. 

It is hard to believe that I've been walking on this rocky path for 6 years.  It is easier each year as it passes but when the anniversary rolls around, I'm thrown into this abyss once again and anticipate June to come to a close. 

Comment by Mark99 on June 19, 2017 at 5:21pm

Chef (John) Thank you. It is kind of my way to navigate this grief process in a way were I can learn. 

Comment by chef (John) on June 19, 2017 at 10:42am

That's a very nice piece of writing, Mark.

Comment by Mark99 on June 13, 2017 at 9:19am

Hey all. Even after six years there is that sense of loss and being thrust into an unknown world and life. Largely I am making my way though some days it takes much concentration and work. At times I find writing helps. Here is a recent piece I wrote for some self awareness and clarity. "Sunday and Banana Bread"

Comment by Princess Warrior Widow on June 6, 2017 at 7:11am

Bunny - I hope that you get settled in soon.  Moving is a big change in our lives.

I am still in my home and have not moved.  My children are no longer there and now the house is too big for me.  I have just recently started thinking about moving.  My husband was a pack rat so I am still clearing out things.  Now part of the reason for clearing out stuff is iif there is a possibility of moving I will be ready to move my things.   I've been in our home for a total of 24 years now.  That is a long time. 

Comment by Slick on June 3, 2017 at 6:20am

Maggie I;m sure it's hard under any circumstances...Most of my family and closest friends passed very young so there's no where for me to go where I would know anyone....staying in my area would keep me between both of my daughters....and grandchildren which is good...but I;m very limited and always come back to staying in my home...that I know I can afford and am comfortable in....just feel like there's way too much room for just you haven't lived alone....I have been alone for 6 1/2 years and then the 3 before that when my husband was ill , he was hospitalized so many times for 2-3 weeks maybe 5 times a year it feels like I;ve been alone for 10 years....he had back surgery shortly before he was I guess I would be alone anywhere.....I would also like a companion....just saw someone for a week shy of 4 months..when we met I thought he said he wanted to go different places, have some fun and someone to share it with....WRONG...that's not what he was looking I am back to being alone again....and so far doing fine with it....I think about contacting him and asking him why he put on such an act...but see no point..A liar is a matter how you turn I will stick to doing things alone..or with my family and a few girls I have come across from HS on Facebook...Yep that's what I;ve always said...I'll know when it's time, it won't take and thought and I'll know where I'm going....God bless..

Comment by Maggie on June 3, 2017 at 5:25am
Slick, there was a practical side to my moving as well. The house was way too big, I wanted a warmer climate and I knew people. I don't think I could have moved somewhere just cold turkey where I knew no one. In fact my ex SIL has shared my home for the past year, but she is moving out to move in with her boyfriend very soon. It will be an adjustment for me and in fact one I never dealt with fully after my husband died. So it'll throw me back, I suspect. At least I do have a couple of other single/ widowed friends that I've made. The loneliness is the hardest issue for me..just that sharing life with someone special...all the little things. I like my new home and where I live although no where is perfect....the Ying and the Yang. You will know when it is right
Comment by Slick on June 3, 2017 at 5:10am

Bunny and Maggie ...thank you for sharing your moves....I have thought and thought about it for over 2 years now....too much house for just me....BUT....I believe I make up one excuse after another as to why I can't ...I do believe I just can't face leaving the memories behind and the feeling that I am leaving Bill......I remember when my 21 year old daughter died in a car accident...20 years ago this took me 10 years to be able to move, go on many different things on my mind...that I was always afraid she would come home and not find me...took a long time...I wish you both the best and pray you are happy in your new homes...we are different people and I really do feel that a new home is needed.....PEACE


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