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Widowed in 2011

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Comment by chef (John) on August 27, 2018 at 12:00pm


There are several items in the article with which I would agree, notably

"...the size of the grief corresponds to the depth of the love. I agree because I know it first hand..."


"Closure"...I am wavering between Growl!!! and *Snicker!* here. (In the earlier days, I wanted to smack every single person who told me that I needed "closure".)

Comment by Mark99 on August 27, 2018 at 4:59am

“This Too Shall Pass When I Say So And On My Terms” Have you like me wondered, "Do I have my grief right?

Comment by LucyGoo on August 19, 2018 at 8:06am

Not crazy at all!  What a lovely way to honor him and make a positive out of this strange thing.  You have inspired me to get more creative.  

Comment by Barzan on August 18, 2018 at 6:46pm

Lucy, this may sound crazy but I use the “deathaversary” to make however many years since he’s been gone plans and resolutions for the next 12 months.  As an example, his mom and I visited 7 states we’ve never been to.  I am reading 7 of his books.  I have 7 projects to complete - 3 done so far on the house.   I am doing 7 things to help out shelters, food banks and things for people who need help - 4 so far.  There are other things but this will give you an idea.  The best part is that family and friends have gotten involved.  THis coming week we will complete the 7 states with 3 we haven’t seen yet.  

Comment by LucyGoo on August 18, 2018 at 4:26pm

Well, here it is, "deathaversary" number 7.  Not sure how I feel this year.  Still hard to believe so much time has passed, until I look at all that has changed.  I still live in the same place and am fortunate to have many of the same friends, but it's all so different.  And, all still tinged with sadness. 

Comment by Mark99 on August 7, 2018 at 9:29am
I think we call all agree the death anniversary is a difficult day month etc. Here are my thoughts.


“August 7, 2011 5:50PM An End A Beginning” From July till August the waves of memories rage and roil within me so much so that I go back and bring forward what was to what is.
Comment by chef (John) on July 19, 2018 at 9:33am

Mark 99, 

Your final sentence made me laugh. Sometimes when I would say, "I'm trying.", Judith would respond with a sigh, a wink and, this reply: "Yes, at times you can very trying!" Thanks for a pleasant memory. :-)

Comment by Mark99 on July 12, 2018 at 4:30pm

Cee chef (John)

Thank you for the comments and thoughts. For me as the time in the rear view mirror is far greater than in the windshield my thoughts coalesce around what I can take forward since my life, my grief, my memories can or may benefit others or make me better in my knowledge of me. Maybe others as well. IDK but I am trying. 

Comment by chef (John) on July 12, 2018 at 7:11am

Mark 99: I particularly liked the link titled "Grief is Vivisection to Those Left Behind", but I do have a dark sense of humor.

Memories are a strange thing. I find them to be both comforting and upsetting, but I also realize that I am no longer the same person I was seven years ago. Sometimes I feel as though there are three versions of me mixed in with those memories: The Blissfully-ignorant-pre-widower Me, the Grief-stricken Me, and then the Working-things-through Me. Moving forward alone is difficult as well as unsettling, but it is also something that I have to do. Perhaps in a few years, I shall have learned more about myself and (maybe) also be better at accepting all that has happened. Reading everyone's comments is always useful.

Comment by Cee on July 12, 2018 at 5:10am

Mark99, interesting comment about memories. I have found there are days, and nights, when the memories immobilize me and I can't move my thoughts to the here and now.  It takes a lot to sort through those memories and put them in the back regions of mind mind - so they are still there but I can focus and do other things in the present.  I have tried setting aside a block of time that I make an appointment with my self - maybe using a picture or object  (a cup of tea) and sit there and enjoy. Then I but it back and go on with the day. I think it helped me to feel I don't have to forget the past but also that there is a future.

 HUGS to al


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