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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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Widowed in 2011

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Comment by chef (John) on June 14, 2018 at 8:51am

Cee:

No plans for the summer this year...although in the past I've been known to ride many and several roller coasters (notably Millennium Force) at Cedar Point for therapy with my season pass from May through October. As of next year, I shall be a "senior" [age 62 by CedarFair rules] and once again get a season pass--at a *reduced* price! :-) 

Comment by chef (John) on June 13, 2018 at 6:46am

Princess Warrior Widow: I hope I didn't mislead you. The sucker punches still come after seven years, but now they cause me momentary twinges of pain or wistfulness, rather than causing me to stop what I'm doing and reduce me to tears, as they did early on. Sometime during the early days of being widowed, I realized that we'd all simply implode from the stress, were we to continue feeling the full force of our loss day after day. I also decided to just embrace the $&#**^% grief, since I knew it wasn't going away. While many of my family/friends/acquaintances saw this as unhealthy "fatalism" or "pessimism", I figured I was just being realistic/pragmatic, since I had to go through grief--and not "around", "under" or "over" it.

As to summer markets: I'm a pushover for most fresh tomatoes (various varieties throughout the season and into fall) and black raspberries.

Comment by Princess Warrior Widow on June 9, 2018 at 2:29pm

Slick... I am glad that we can come here without judgment. Sometimes I feel like the fifth wheel when I go out with couples. They don’t make me feel that way. It’s just me. I am ok with it now. It does not last long. 

Hang on there my friend. 

Comment by Princess Warrior Widow on June 9, 2018 at 3:20am

It’s summertime and farmer’s market time. What’s your favorite grit or vegetable?  Mine is watermelon. I can’t wait for August. 

Comment by Princess Warrior Widow on June 9, 2018 at 3:18am

Hi Cee,  I’m going to see Hamilton this summer. I’m excited. Barazan I like how you make travel plans. 

chef (John). I get those sucker punches sometimes too. I’m glad now that I know they will go away. 

Slick I understand that it is hard to make new friends. 

Comment by Barzan on May 16, 2018 at 4:19pm

Cee - yes I have plans for the summer.  1 trip down and 3 to go.  Friends and family start making plans at the beginning of the year.  Everyone announces what their plans are and I can hop on or let them hop on to what I have in mind.  This usually works out really well as we split costs of rentals.

I really try to pack my free time with travel, art or  events.  It works for me.

Comment by Cee on May 16, 2018 at 2:10pm

Hi group, how is everyone today?

 Do you have any plans for the summer? I wish I did, but nothing interesting on my calendar.

Have you found any other groups that have members in our time frame? Someone mentioned to me that we need an more active network for the not so new to this club and I agree. There are times I would love someone to talk to that understood that this isn't something you can put a time frame on and there are days that are hard to get through.

 Do you have friends that you can call on the "spur of the moment" to go for coffee or a movie or anything just to get out and be around people.

 We we all so lucky to have our partners for the time we did but no one is going to tell me that I shouldn't still miss him.

  HUGS to all.

Comment by chef (John) on May 2, 2018 at 8:55am

Cee:

I still have moments when something comes out of nowhere and sucker-punches me--and I expect that it will continue for the rest of my life. I definitely agree with the sentiments re: no longer having the one who "always had my back" too. OTOH, I can also be grateful for the fact that I did have Judith for the the 30+ years that I did.

Comment by LucyGoo on April 15, 2018 at 7:16am

I think, for me, it's about being alone.  I don't mean lonely.  I am very fortunate to have a community of friends and family to spend time with, and having grown up as the much younger child with distant parents, I am really comfortable being by myself and entertaining myself - but I just so often feel profoundly alone.  I miss having a partner, a buddy, someone as Maggie wrote, who always had my back.

Comment by Maggie on April 15, 2018 at 6:12am

I've been reading all these comments and can relate to them all. I'm only at 5 yrs, but once you pass that mark, I think we are all closer in how we feel, especially if we are still not involved with a man. I, for one, am not looking and just can't see it ever happening at my age (71). 

I have made a life...moved, bought my own home, made a few new friends, volunteer once a week, stay busy yada, yada yada.

But the point I most relate to is the friendship issue. I have no friends from long ago like high school, or where I use to work etc. I do have my ex SIL sharing my home, but she has a guy and is gone most of the time. I do have a couple of new friends I go out to eat with etc. but sometimes I view these as temporary friends, as there hasn't been the time to build long deep friendship. 

Mostly I just feel physically and mentally tired...the struggle to stay busy, keep social etc. 

I have no children or grandchildren...no family but a brother who is not nearby.

So I still really feel the loss of my husband. We were married 28 years and were always together. I so miss having that feeling that "someone had your back." We were happy even with some problems with his adjustment to retirement and I believe depression he had in the last few years of his life. But I just don't feel I'll ever have that closeness again. You can be surrounded by people and still feel alone. I think it's because mostly the others seem to have a complete life..fulfilled and I don't have a  sense of this.

I expressed in another place how sometimes I feel it was all so long ago, like another life and this in itself makes me sad. The first year or two after his death, I still felt close in time to him and now it has faded. Plus getting older myself, I know it's all going to go someday..all our memories...gone.

well as you can see I'm in a melancholy mood today and I'm rambling.

 

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