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Widowed in 2011

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Members: 507
Latest Activity: Apr 15

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Comment by Mary0830 on March 24, 2011 at 4:58pm

Well, I have now officially made the 'one month' mark on this new journey that we all are sharing - widowhood.  Despite amazing support and a great faith walk, this past month has brought me to my knees so many times physically and mentally and i thought it was hard before.

The entire time we fought cancer, I refused to allow myself 'what-if's, telling everyone I only have energy to deal with facts and work for the best outcome.


Now I am finding myself living alone, feeling like there is a lot of 'forever' stretched out in front of me that I truly can't even wrap my brain around because it is so different from the 'picture' my husband and I had promised each other for 'empty nest years.' 

I look at the tangible reminders of how many truly care, but for me, my heart feels so broken at this point that i just have to try and make it moment to moment for now.

My game plan for 'after the crying' is to try and work on something that will burn some energy......I am not athletic; but willing to do yardwork.....and since we have a 5 acre place, my work is 'cut out for me'.  So today - after finding the flat tire on the 'good tractor'; and finally getting the push mower started.....I was working on the 'high points' of grass near the house.  I had to smile when i realized that i was doing something my husband and been doing for years for us - mowing the lawn - one of his best places to be was our home. 

It seemed a nice tribute - or irony -- at this point i can smile and say Thank you for one more day of making it.

Comment by Boo on March 24, 2011 at 4:54pm

Hi, I just joined the group because I remember the earliest days so so clearly and wanted to say hi and welcome.  I'm going to invite my friend Janine to join the group too.  We both like to support new widows in any way we can, just because, well ... we remember those days, like I said.  I'm sorry you had to join us here, but glad that you found us.  Please never hesitate to say if you'd like to ask me any questions.  Nothing is off-limits ... I promise to be truthful  xxx  There is one book I would recommend - it's called "Companion through the Darkness"  (by Stephanie Ericsson)  I remember crying because I realized I wasn't losing my sanity as I recognized myself, my thoughts, feelings, behaviour in her book.  It's hard to read big long books for the first few months ... let alone a whole chapter.  And her chapters are one or one and a half page long which was helpful.  Here is the link to the book so that you can preview it for free (it's a very generous preview too :-) 


My heart is reaching out to you xxx

Comment by Musiclady on March 24, 2011 at 7:45am

There is a new book coming out April 12th...below is a brief synopsis. 

Signs Of Life: A Memoir

Crown Publishing Group | April 12, 2011 | Hardcover

"I know. I know. No one says it but I know…" -from Signs of Life  Twenty-four-year-old Natalie Taylor was leading a charmed life. At the age of twenty four, she had a fulfilling job as a high school English teacher, a wonderful husband, a new …+ read more"I know. I know. No one says it but I know…" -from Signs of Life
Twenty-four-year-old Natalie Taylor was leading a charmed life. At the age of twenty four, she had a fulfilling job as a high school English teacher, a wonderful husband, a new house and a baby on the way.  Then, while visiting her sister, she gets the news that Josh has died in a freak accident.  Four months before the birth of her son, Natalie is leveled by loss. 
What follows is an incredibly powerful emotional journey, as Natalie calls upon resources she didn't even know she had in order to re-imagine and re-build a life for her and her son. In vivid and immediate detail, Natalie documents her life from the day of Josh's death through the birth their son, Kai, as she struggles in her role as a new mother where everyone is watching her for signs of impending collapse.  With honesty, raw pain, and most surprising, a wicked sense of humor, Natalie recounts the agonies and unexpected joys of her new life.  There is the frustration of holidays, navigating the relationship with her in-laws, the comfort she finds and unlikely friendship she forges in support groups and the utterly breathtaking, but often overwhelming new motherhood.   When she returns to the classroom, she finds that little is more healing than the honesty and egocentricity of teenagers. 
Drawing on lessons from beloved books like The Color Purple and The Catcher in the Rye and the talk shows she suddenly can't get enough of, from the strength of her family and friends, and from a rich fantasy life-including a saucy fairy godmother who guides her grieving-Natalie embarks on the ultimate journey of self-discovery and realizes you can sometimes find the best in yourself during the worst life has to offer.  And she delivers these lessons, in way that feels like she's right beside you in her bathrobe and with a glass of wine--the cool, funny girlfriend you love to stay up all night with. 
Unforgettable and utterly absorbing, Signs of Life features a powerful, wholly original debut voice that will have you crying and laughing to the very last page.
Comment by patter on March 23, 2011 at 5:30pm
Hello Whoknows.. and welcome to the class of 2011.. sorry you had to find yourself here, but know that we have a great support group.. I lost my husband on Jan 26th.. so we can all relate to the sudden shock, numbness and thoughts about what to do next.. hopefully you will find comfort with the people you meet on this site, I know I have.. hugs to you
Comment by Krista W. (whoknows) on March 23, 2011 at 7:19am
Thanks for the warm welcome...
Comment by cancerwidow on March 23, 2011 at 3:59am
Welcome whoknows. Very sorry you need to be here. Pixidragon also lost her husband suddenly on Feb 12; an awful thing for you to have to share, but sharing can help all of us get through these dark days.
Comment by Musiclady on March 22, 2011 at 5:28pm
Hi husband died in similar the middle of the night although we know that he died from sudden cardiac death (his heart went into a dangerous arrythmia and just stopped).  I understand the surreal aspect...and my girls, aged 14 and 9 keep talking about "before" and "after" - the death of their Dad defining everything in our lives now.  Stay strong and know I am here for you.
Comment by Krista W. (whoknows) on March 22, 2011 at 3:15pm
Hello... I lost my husband, Mike, on Feb. 12. He passed in his sleep. We are still waiting for final report as to cause. He was 34 (as am I). We had known each other since we were 18, but went separate ways, with me marrying someone else, then getting divorced. The two of us got back in touch in 2005, and had been married since August of that year. I have 2 kids at home, my 9yo from my first marriage (who considered Mike to be her dad, and Mike never referred to her as a stepdaughter, she was a true daughter to him), and a 3yo son from our marriage together... It is still so surreal.
Comment by cancerwidow on March 20, 2011 at 12:52am
Hi barb - so sorry I didn't see your comment earlier, but welcome to the group. CS Lewis summed it up all too well, I think; it puts a more real slant on that horrible cliche about time healing all wounds.
Comment by barb on March 17, 2011 at 3:36pm
C.S. Lewis the writer said after losing his wife.  It is like having a leg amputated - the wound will heal, the leg will never grow back and you will always have a limp.-----

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