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Latest Activity: Apr 15
Well, I have now officially made the 'one month' mark on this new journey that we all are sharing - widowhood. Despite amazing support and a great faith walk, this past month has brought me to my knees so many times physically and mentally and i thought it was hard before.
The entire time we fought cancer, I refused to allow myself 'what-if's, telling everyone I only have energy to deal with facts and work for the best outcome.
Now I am finding myself living alone, feeling like there is a lot of 'forever' stretched out in front of me that I truly can't even wrap my brain around because it is so different from the 'picture' my husband and I had promised each other for 'empty nest years.'
I look at the tangible reminders of how many truly care, but for me, my heart feels so broken at this point that i just have to try and make it moment to moment for now.
My game plan for 'after the crying' is to try and work on something that will burn some energy......I am not athletic; but willing to do yardwork.....and since we have a 5 acre place, my work is 'cut out for me'. So today - after finding the flat tire on the 'good tractor'; and finally getting the push mower started.....I was working on the 'high points' of grass near the house. I had to smile when i realized that i was doing something my husband and been doing for years for us - mowing the lawn - one of his best places to be was our home.
It seemed a nice tribute - or irony -- at this point i can smile and say Thank you for one more day of making it.
Hi, I just joined the group because I remember the earliest days so so clearly and wanted to say hi and welcome. I'm going to invite my friend Janine to join the group too. We both like to support new widows in any way we can, just because, well ... we remember those days, like I said. I'm sorry you had to join us here, but glad that you found us. Please never hesitate to say if you'd like to ask me any questions. Nothing is off-limits ... I promise to be truthful xxx There is one book I would recommend - it's called "Companion through the Darkness" (by Stephanie Ericsson) I remember crying because I realized I wasn't losing my sanity as I recognized myself, my thoughts, feelings, behaviour in her book. It's hard to read big long books for the first few months ... let alone a whole chapter. And her chapters are one or one and a half page long which was helpful. Here is the link to the book so that you can preview it for free (it's a very generous preview too :-) http://www.amazon.com/Companion-Through-Darkness-Inner-Dialogues/dp...
My heart is reaching out to you xxx
Crown Publishing Group | April 12, 2011 | Hardcover
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