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Widowed in 2011

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Comment by Gaining Strength on July 7, 2014 at 3:30pm

mem5711,

I guess my daughter is more fortunate than she knows.

Comment by Gaining Strength on July 7, 2014 at 12:34pm

Slick,

First of all she and my husband were not fans of each other. Secondly, when her father was dying (she was 16) and he called for her, she never went. So he died without seeing her. She does not understand the relationship between my daughter and her dad. 

Comment by Gaining Strength on July 7, 2014 at 11:08am

Mark,

People do not understand. My sister-in-law made a most insensitive statement to my daughter one month after my husband died. She asked my daughter if she is not yet over "that". Many people think that you should be ready to move on probably because they have not walked in your shoes. Then there are  people who can move on  quickly after the death of a spouse. I have seen widows who are much more recent than me already out dating. Different strokes.  Anyone who does not "get it" is not worth your time and will probably bring you heartache in the future. You just have to keep looking for the gem among the rocks and dirt. She is out there. Take care of yourself.   

Comment by my roses on July 7, 2014 at 8:56am

My roses

I hear all that you are saying and the pain and the distressing dreams.  I want to post this link to a beautiful video.  Have a look it is a delight.

Video bringing peace and joy please look at this.

I  call it the perfect partnership!!

Something uplifting emotionally and literally. 

Guang Dong - Pas de deux - LE PLUS GRAND CABARET DU MONDE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GsTqmEeBKhw

It looks like a beautiful dream.

 

Beautiful and graceful.

Look at this stunning partnership and relationship between these 2 dancers.

 

Comment by Mark99 on July 7, 2014 at 7:57am

Thank you all for your insights and sharing. Since I have no children I am not subject to the positives of that nor the downside but what I will admit to is that there are days alone is hard. That being said I have been mulling over what a date (online) said. First, I said I would call and basically forgot to. When I did I was chastised for not calling when I said I would. Fair I guess. The second thing was she noted that I was perhaps not ready to move on. That has been on my mind for a couple of weeks. I will say I am ready to move on but not just to move on but to share myself with a peer and someone who values me and I value them. 

Again, thank you all. My anniversary of Donna's passing is August 7. sigh

Comment by Gail on July 7, 2014 at 6:59am

Katpilot is so right about the progress coming slowly.  I know I'm better than I was the first year, but I know that I'm still hurting...every day.  And that's okay.  Progress comes and goes and comes again.  Those waves of feelings.  

Slick, please pamper yourself so that you can feel better again.  I know it isn't easy and that you are feeling flattened right now.  Stick with us, Slick!  We'll help you feel better.

G

Comment by katpilot on July 6, 2014 at 8:09pm

Slick, I know you don't think you are making progress but you are. It is so hard to see it because it comes so slowly. It can't be measured in days or even weeks but it happens just the same. You stay with us and given time, you will look back one day and say "I'm a little better than  I was"  A little better is good. Baby steps dear heart. It won't always hurt this bad. For what it's worth, I think I did lose my mind the first year but I found it again. It didn't go too far. I am so sorry for all the losses you have endured. More I should say than anyone should have had. You did do the right thing in leaving that conversation by the way. We have to do what we need to take care of ourselves regardless of what any one may think. 

Gail it is wise to miss some social things just as it is helpful to go to others. You get it. Pick the one's you can handle and drop the rest. I myself have become more selfish over the last three years because it was that or lose it completely. But I didn't stay home. I went out by myself sometimes just for a drive. Sometimes I would park in the dark and just look at the stars wondering where she is. That peace was a hell of a lot better than enduring some things my ears could not handle.

Comment by Gail on July 6, 2014 at 4:57pm

Slick,

All understandable feelings that you had...I don't want to make people feel uncomfortable either, but I would have had to either say something or excuse myself in order to take care of ME!  You deserve the same...to not feel uncomfortable.

I have avoided some social things because I didn't want to feel sad.  I've also forced myself to go to other things and felt sad the whole time.  When I stay home, I'm sad.  There's no winning in this horrible situation we're in.  We're sad, except when we're not, which for me isn't all that often.

(((Hugs)))

G

Comment by Gail on July 6, 2014 at 4:06pm

Oh Slick, I'm so sorry that you had to endure those horrible two hours!  I cannot imagine what you must have been going through!  I wish people would just think before they open their mouths.

I understand that most folks don't intentionally try to hurt us, but if they just thought about who they are speaking to, they just might avoid causing us pain.  

I doubt I could have survived two hours of that without saying something or getting up and running out of the house.  I've gotta hand it to you for your patience.  Hopefully, you won't have to endure that ever again.

I wish you peace this evening and lots of hugs!!!

G

Comment by Cee on July 6, 2014 at 2:01pm

HUGS to you. I wish the good dreams were true life and the bad ones would never happen again.  Our lives are so confusing, nothing is the same. I wonder if our brains are looking for a safe place when they take us back to the past. Do you feel better after a good cry? sometimes I do and other times I just feel more alone.  it is like I don't know what to do with myself to get through those hard times. I guess just wait for them to pass then try to focus on something else.  HUGS to all of you and thank you for sharing, helps to make us not feel so alone.

 

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