Widowed in 2011

Comment

Comment by Cristina 17 hours ago

Just jumping in with a tangential post to share these lyrics; I've just been listening to a recording of Billie and a bunch of us backing him up, from a Moody Blues song Billie used to do...The Story in Your Eyes...

"And when the final line is over,

and it's certain that the curtain's going to fall,

I can hide inside your sweet, sweet love, forevermore." 

also,

"Listen to the tides slowly turning,

wash all our heart aches away, we're

part of the fire that is burning,

and from the ashes we can build another day."

So fine to hear his voicing singing me that encouragement...

Comment by Gordy's widow yesterday

Dear Va mom, there is such a thing as complicated grief, and if that counselor isn't helping maybe you need a new one or have you talked about antidepressants. although I was on lexapro and it did nothing but pack on the pounds. This is the right place to vent as we are all in this together. I have very little support. No kids, siblings that only kn ow me when they want something my mom just yells at me " I'm alone too" like is that supposed to be supportive at all?  I have tried one bereavement group here , but it wasn't  a good fit, as they where all much older, and the ones through local hospice want money to join.... something I can not spare.....  so I gave up on the idea. God bless, and we here at the wid vil are always ready to listen and give a (hug)    

Comment by Mariposa yesterday

Dear VA Mom & Widow- welcome to Widowed Village- where we all "get it", but so sorry about your loss.  I totally understand how you want to scream as I have had days like that as well. 

It's been 18 months since I lost my husband to cancer and I was having a rough couple of weeks recently because I too, miss him so much. I have one child, a son, age 15, and he is what keeps me going.

I don't think the pain will ever go away, but rather we just learn to live with it and eventually the intensity lessens our pain to a dull ache.  It seems that only those that have lost a spouse understand, because our beloved spouse was actually a part of us. The loss of the "other half" means our heart and soul has been torn open and we no longer feel whole.

I'm sorry that your parents and your support system don't seem to understand. Please understand they are still "innocent" as they have not lost a beloved husband or wife, but know that they have good intentions. Underneath your anger is the grief, sadness, frustrations, vulnerability and other emotions,  because it is all so unfair as we did not have a choice to be in our situation. We may feel misunderstood and unsupported by our families and friends. We had no say in becoming a widow or widower.

I was just thinking to myself yesterday as I drove home "I don't want to be a widow." Dumb statement, because here I am and I can do nothing to change the fact.

What has helped me tremendously was a bereavement group where there were other widows/widowers still raising children, because in sharing our stories, our sorrows, our pain, and our loneliness, and yes, at times laughter, we helped one another and  experienced some degree of comfort and healing. 

I wish you peace, strength, comfort and healing. ~Mariposa

Comment by VA Mom & Widow yesterday

Hello everyone.  This is my first time writing in any group on Widowed Village.  I don't know what to say except that my pain continues and it's still so bad.  I miss my husband so much that I just want to scream - and it's been over 20 months now.  I have just one child - he's 16 and the center of my world.  Thank God I have him.  But I'm so incredibly lonely - even though I have a good support system.  Like so many of you have said, the support tends to lessen as time goes by -- but the pain in my heart has not.  How do we fix it?  I was hoping I could lean on my parents but they don't even understand  and that only makes me angry.  I'm writing because I've just been so terribly down recently - it scares me sometimes.  I do see a counselor once a week but honestly, not sure if that is even helping me much anymore.  Anyway - just felt like writing.  I'm sorry that we are all here but I do appreciate a place to go to discuss my pain and loneliness.

Comment by Mariposa on Tuesday

Gordy's Widow- God bless you as well!  Have fun with your MIL.  FAKE IT 'TIL YOU MAKE IT!! LOL!    Happy Memorial Day! :-)

Comment by Gordy's widow on Monday

Mariposa GOD BLESS YOU  but as I can not be that positive! this sat is my MIl's Bday, going to take her to a nice restaurant...... not taking my mom last year she showed up 1&1/2 hrs late.... on purpose I am sure..... AND FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT!

Comment by Gordy's widow on Monday

uhm Cee, alcohol LOL

Comment by Mariposa on Sunday

Cee- You asked "How have any of you managed to keep a positive attitude?"  The one thing that has helped me is to focus on cultivating gratitude. Even in the horrible time while my husband battled cancer, everyday I tried to find one little thing to be thankful for.  It is kind of like finding one tiny star in the darkest of nights.    I also look for inspirational quotes as well as Bible verses. Nature is also something that can help heal us and keep us positive. Even on a gray day, when we go outside, there is something about fresh air that helps me. I love to be outside and sit on my porch and enjoy the blue of the sky, the green of the trees, and listen to the sound made by the leaves and branches moving in the wind. I try to be present.   In our grief, we are looking back, but at some point we have to embrace the present moment as it is. That is when I try to be thankful for the flowers, the song of a bird, the rain, etc.

Anyhow, I don't know if my rambling is any help. I do wish you peace, comfort and healing.  ~Mariposa

Comment by cee on Sunday

Agree this is not the life I expected. It's over 1 1/2 years and like many of you I am having trouble adjusting. Right now I am feeling lost- I don't know what to expect for the rest of my life. I feel caught in the middle - basically to old to really think about having another relationship and/or marrying again, but probably too young to just go sit in a rocking chair and "wait".

 There are days that I wake up thinking of all kinds of things to do, Then I get up and start moving around and the physical limitations kick in and I lose all my motivation. How have any of you managed to keep a positive attitude?

(((((HUGS))) to all of you

Comment by Gordy's widow on May 17, 2013 at 10:44am

man it must be in the air huh! we would have been putting the boat in the water, and been out on the bike like a doz times, which I still can not ride YET I WILL though..... but not hanging on to my baby it is too sad...... 

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• 2
• 3
• …
• 417
• Next ›
• Page