Widowed in 2011

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Comment by Letha on January 9, 2012 at 6:05pm

Talking about trucks..I got rid of Michael's December 10th. (He died Oct. 21) I simply couldn't stand seeing it sit in the driveway. Plus, our dog would look out the front window..see the truck..and rush to the front door, tail wagging..thinking 'Dad' was home. That just broke my heart. It was really hard watching someone drive it away..but I don't regret it. Plus, I couldn't afford to have two vehicles anyway with insurance, tags, regular upkeep.

Comment by Joe's Jenn on January 9, 2012 at 6:04pm

Thank you all!  I took my dog to the dog park and was able to get my mind off of things for a little bit..  I do agree with you kitty mom that the grief will come go and that we will never get over it but will learn to live with it.  

Boo- I am sending you hugs!  Know that you are not alone and that we will ALL get each other through this.  I am so thankful that I found this website, it has been more helpful then you will ever know.  

SS- I was told by our Hospice Social Worker that I will not continue to receive Joe's SS only the 255.00.. and by the time it comes to collect Joe's SS too much time would have passed and I wouldn't be eligible..  I am going to go to the office and talk to them in person, it is so confusing I want to be able to talk to someone face to face.  

Thank you all for your support and helping me through a very hard day, I hope to be able to do the same for all of you someday!  xoxo

Comment by kittymom on January 9, 2012 at 5:29pm

Jenn, the hustle and bustle of the pre-holiday activities also kept me going with no emotional upsets. However, I crashed on Dec. 23 and then cried for 10 days. By Jan. 2 I felt much better. I think I was just relieved the holidays were over and since I did grieve really hard fo 10 days, I got a lot out of my system. However, I know the 10 days of grieving will happen again at some point. I am guessing right around our Anniversary I will crash again. Even though I started feeling better on Jan. 2 and have not any bouts of crying, now I am starting to feel depressed. It is not a constant feeling but it pops up here and there. I know the depression is situational and will come and go. However, If I thought I was going into a deep depression and could not get out, I would definitely reach out for help. Based on my 11 weeks of grieving and comments I have been reading over the last 8 weeks, it seems what you are going through is typical of what most widows go through. Also based on comments from widows that are further along this journey than we are, I expect to be grieving pretty hard on and off for the first year. I also understand the grieving will never end but will become more manageable and will just be incorporated into our reconstructed lives. I am mentioning all of this in hopes you will not judge how you are grieving throughout this emotional journey. My impression is we will grieve at times we had not expected and just when we think we are done, we are not! As i mentioned in another posting, we should be kind to ourselves, not feel bad when we jump into something too soon, and just hang on for this bumpy ride. Wishing you peace and love in all that you do!

Comment by kimkirt (KK) on January 9, 2012 at 5:05pm

Boo - I know what you mean about the car. My husband managed a small quick lube shop, so he took care of all that for us. I just now had to get the oil changed in my car and I put it off so long because you know those little plastic stickers up in the corner of your window to remind you about your next oil change? Well, my husband would put XOXO on them to me. It said "XOXO Bootie" on it (that's what he called me). And I didn't want that sticker to come off! But I took it off and saved it before going to a lube shop (not the one he worked at, I just couldn't go there and none of them came to his funeral anyway, he was there only a year, but still).  HUGS to you!

Comment by t2 on January 9, 2012 at 5:00pm

Many hugs to you Boo. I'm so sorry. Those days when we fall apart...there's really no consolation. We love you here!

Comment by mscevinger on January 9, 2012 at 4:58pm

@Joyce - I do get SS for my children but nothing for me because I am not disabled and I work.  I thought about quitting my job but they told me that they would just divide my kids money up and give me a portion of their money (so the total dollars would still be the same).  I was also told that when my youngest turns 18, I will no longer receive any benefits until retirement age. I am in my 30's so I have to wait 30 years in order to be eligible for my husband's SS benefits.  Again, since I have more in SS I was told I would get mine...his goes to no one :(

Comment by Booworks on January 9, 2012 at 4:54pm

I think the hustle and bustle of the holidays kept my mind of everything also and now I feel like I'm trapped in this endless cycle of going to work and home to an empty house. I'm living in a city without any family and a handful of work friends and feel like I need to be anywhere but here.  My car was acting up the other day and I dropped it off at the shop on my way into work but all I could think about the entire day was how Richard always fixed my car and did the maintenance upkeep on it.  I don't know if it was the stress of not knowing what was wrong with it and feeling like I didn't have anyone I could count on to help me out with transportation or getting it taken care of or if it was just another realization I am all alone, but I spent the majority of the day locked in my office crying uncontrollably.  I hate the feeling of being alone and dealing with situations like this in which I feel so out of control.  This was the first time in a long time that I've been so emotional at work, I'm ususally able to contain it at least until I get in my car.  I know the hardest months are still ahead, getting past Richard's birthday in February and the year mark in March. I'm not ready to do this on my own, I feel like all the progress Ive made in 9 months has gone right out the window and I'm starting at square one again.

Comment by Marsha on January 9, 2012 at 4:47pm

Lilterrisue, call your husband's company. Someone dropped the ball. You should have received a HIPPA certificate and information regarding the COBRA benefit. Once issued you have 30 days to make a decision. This is a federal requirement. May have recourse on this one.

Yes once cancel husband on car insurance it does goes up. Think I would have left him on had I known. Get discount for multiple drivers. Oh well.....still have truck and not sure what I will do with it. Too many decisions in a short period of time and I'm going on 1 year January 19th.

Comment by Joyce on January 9, 2012 at 4:33pm

@Terrisue, That's another reason I haven't changed insurance because I heard here that the insurance will go up.  I also haven't done anything with his clothes. 

I can't believe they didn't inform you about the Cobra, I thought that was a requirement.  Did you try calling them.  Tom was on Cobra after he got sick and had to leave his job, it cost us over $900/month but we had no choice.

Comment by Lilterrisue on January 9, 2012 at 4:30pm

I'm in Texas too...I will be able to get SS widow benefit in three yrs when I turn 60, but that's because he had just gotten approved for SS disability..so it pushes me up the line a little ways...I probably will do it even though I may not need to at that point, it might make it so I can quit working

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