Widowed in 2011

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Comment by kittymom on November 27, 2011 at 6:07pm

Oh Susan, I am so sorry you are feeling so bad. I completely understand where you are coming from. I am 90% sure I have bronchitis and will have to go to the Dr. tomorrow. My husband always took off of work early to take me to the Dr., would drop me off at home while he got my prescription filled and then would check on me every hour while I was sleeping to make sure I was okay. I am dreading going to the Dr., not because I am sick, but because of what an emotional experience it will be for me. I hope you feel better soon and don't hesitate to call your friends or family to do what you need done while you are sick. I have a great male friend whom I warmly call my "rent-a-husband" and he brought some things I absolutely needed today but was not up to getting myself!! ((((Hugs))))

Comment by Stumbling (Susan) on November 27, 2011 at 5:02pm

This part is what I really hate.  For the first time since Ed died, I am officially sick.  I have strep, a stuffy nose and a horrible cough.  Usually, I had Ed to take care of me.  A cup of hot tea,an extra blanket and a kiss on the forehead to check my temp and make me feel better.  This is a slap of reality that I had not anticipated..  He was always there.  His presence made me seem a little less miserable, and today I feel his loss so deeply.

Comment by kittymom on November 27, 2011 at 1:35pm

Kaycee, your version of what I said is much funnier!!! Thanks for that and because you are a widow don't go out and have fun today because someone will think something is wrong with you!!! LOL

Comment by KayCeeMom on November 27, 2011 at 1:28pm

I agree with you kittymom!
I can't stand the people who stare at me like I have 2 heads. Are they wondering why I'm not curled up in a ball on the floor? Are they wondering if being a widow is "catching"?
The people who start converstations with sad sighs and "Well, how are you doing?" are just as bad. I feel like saying "I was doing OK until your depressing tone entered my day."
I'm lucky, I have a handful of friends who don't cringe if I mention Dan, who just pitch in and help without asking what they can do, who treat me like a person instead of tip-toeing around me.

Comment by kittymom on November 27, 2011 at 12:40am

People are unbelievable! Why can't they just keep their comments to themselves?! Do they really think they are helping and why do they feel they have to say anything at all? I really appreciate when my friends and family don't ask how I am and just treat me as they normally would!! I don't want people calling me up and saying I'm here if you need to talk or asking me how I am when we get together. It is not helping me when people ask how I am, it only upsets me!!! There is not one thing that anyone can say that will make me feel better and I wish they would not even try. I have lost my husband and of course I feel terrible and I don't know when I will be able to move on and be okay with it. This group makes me feel better, not because of what people say but knowing we are all in this together! We already know how bad we feel so we know better than to ask someone how he feels!!! I say the best reaction to give someone that says something that is incredibly stupid and insensitive is to laugh!!! Maybe then people will really get how ridiculous they sound!!!

 

Comment by Ciaran on November 26, 2011 at 11:56pm

Mev, I'm with you there. I knew Ed since I was 19, he was my best friend, but we were only together for 2 years by the time he died. We were planning our future in the decades though, not years. I've had friends tell me, "well at least you had 2 years with him, better than nothing" and I always get an overwhelming urge to slap their smiling faces, while I look at them with their partners and children and happy content lives, full of love and warmth. Always makes me so incredibly angry when they say it.

Comment by mscevinger on November 26, 2011 at 10:25pm

My husband passed away 94 days ago...yesterday we got the official cause of death (my husband passed away in his sleep at 42).  I am thankful for the "official" notice but I am also sad because today, after explaining the cause to close friends, I had several people tell me...I was so lucky to get 16 years with my husband.  In my emptiness, all I could think is that I am a 38 year old widow with 3 children (our youngest is 6)....and these people want me to be thankful for the time we had (which I am very thankful and cherish all of the memories) but what about the next 30 - 40 years that the kids and I don't have with him.  I wish people could really understand the loss and complete devastation I feel at times.  Sorry...but I just needed to vent for a minute.

Comment by chris on November 26, 2011 at 7:54pm

tomdar2 - My 10 yr old daughter had a birthday sleep over two weeks after my wife died. It wasn't too bad, I was glad to see my daughter be able to have fun doing her little tween girl stuff. I was lucky that one of my 25 yr old nieces was able to join the sleep over. She provided the energy I lacked, plus the girls adored her and wanted to know what it was like having your own apartment. (The 25 year old knows everything, 52 year Dad is clueless...) The other reason I'm glad my niece was there was that some of the moms were uncomfortable leaving their girls with a single man. At first I was pissed off at this, but I got over it. The last thing I need is for any sort of misunderstanding to occur.

It was actually kinda funny, a couple of the moms volunteered to  sleep over with the girls. "Out of the frying pan, into the fire" I thought; a bunch of hot moms sleeping over at my house two weeks after I buried my wife. That would get people gossiping.

I too dread Christmas.

Comment by tomdar2 on November 26, 2011 at 7:35pm

Sheryl - Your Build A Bear story is very cool. That's a neat idea.

Abby - I can't imagine what you're going through! On top of everything else, that happens. It's great that you had someone who could stay with you.

My daughter has started listening to Christmas music the past couple days. I'm finding it pretty depressing. Her birthday party is tomorrow. That & Thanksgiving is tough, but Christmas is gonna be worse.

Comment by shattered 1(Karen) on November 26, 2011 at 11:54am

Oh Abby my heart is reaching out to you. The horrible vulnerability that we are confronted with on a daily basis, usually blindsiding us when we aren't prepared just seems to rip apart the deep wounds that we thought were healing. Much love to you, take care, you are not alone.

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