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Comment by Mark99 on July 17, 2017 at 7:49am

Chef (John)

I totally get your post here. The randomness of a moment or image or the silence of the apartment will strike me and I stop to realize where I am and where I am not. Then I do something like this to calm myself and understand what is going on and why. Your diet sounds more fun. 

"One day arm and arm

We left home and and closed the door

You never returned"

Comment by chef (John) on July 15, 2017 at 10:57am

Shirlene,

We did not have children either. I am still living in the house we purchased. Having just attained the status of being a sexagenarian a few months ago, I have begun to think about selling the place after I retire in a few years. In the meantime, I am doing what I can to downsize bit by bit, so that I am not overwhelmed when the day to sell does arrive.

I can go for weeks or months with everything being fine/OK, but then something--whether it be a song on the radio, a stream-of-conscious memory, the sight of some random couple, etc. can hit me outta nowhere. The sudden pain is keen, but it no longer reduces me to tears (although I may tear up) as it did five or six years ago. I am mere days away from beginning Year VII.

I have continued to go to the gym and keep myself occupied with various projects as best I can. I still look in here too. Having avoided meds (and having also argued with people who said I should have been taking them), I am sorry for your meds roller coaster. [In fairness,I must also add that I subsisted on a vodka-and-potato-chip diet the first three or four days of widowerhood. The vodka was potato-based, rather than grain based, so I told myself it was healthy back then.]

Comment by Shirlene on July 1, 2017 at 2:44am

Thank you Princess Warrior Widow - I appreciate your post.
I have been on the anti-depressant roller coaster, trying to find one that works for me. I can't get past any of the side effects in order to experience any benefit. I think I'm just gonna hunker down and do the best I can. When the meds give you insomnia and heart palpitations, it's not worth it! I exercise regularly too. Ugh! I think a lot of emotions and realizations hit me all at once and I've got to work through them without pharmaceutical help.
I hope you all are hanging in there. Holidays, even the fun summer ones, are difficult. I miss my Bill.

Comment by Princess Warrior Widow on July 1, 2017 at 2:12am

Shirlene, I do regret some of the decisions I have made since my husband died. However, I have decided to not be so hard on myself. I know that is easier said than done. I did the best that I could do in difficult circumstances. I hope you health continues to improve.

Slick, I walk and ride my stationary bike. The walking really does help with lifting the sadness.

Comment by Slick on June 25, 2017 at 12:29pm

I;m sorry you're struggling health wise too, cee......I have learned to stop and take care of me...eating and sleeping right are 2 of my biggest things...but what really helps is that walk I take for an hour 3-4 times a week....at my own pace ...doesn't have to be power walking....I have lost weight for the first time in many years...and I have always done aerobics...so this slow pace but longer time has helped and is so much easier on my back and knee......prayers coming your way....

Comment by Cee on June 25, 2017 at 12:11pm

Ladies, thank you for your kind words.  I knew I could come one here and "vent" and there would be people who understand.

Slick, I do the same thing, I so miss having a handy person around.

Sorry about your health problems, - going down hill here and don't know how to stop it.

HUGS to all.

Comment by Slick on June 24, 2017 at 6:10am

that feeling of looking around and seeing what Bill could do so easily that I am stuck paying a lot of money to have it repaired really upsets me still....after 6 1/2 years............I still have my moments when  I look around , or now that I am having health problems again.....and just yell..."where are you" and then I have a good cry...I don't think this will ever end......

cee ...rudeness especially from a DR...would have made me run and cry....you're stronger then you think...Peace

Comment by Princess Warrior Widow on June 24, 2017 at 6:02am

Cee, I'm sorry that you had to endure the unkind comments from your doctor. We miss our loved ones and sharing tasks. I still miss the things that my husband could do around the house with ease. I have some heavy junk I can't move in the garage and I curse him every time I see that stuff. I also continue to move forward and try to take good care of myself. I am ok.

Comment by Slick on June 21, 2017 at 3:33pm

Absolutely......Brazan...I have 2 e-mail friends on here...who I love dearly...

Comment by Barzan on June 21, 2017 at 3:26pm

Slick - I'd love to discuss politics as well. Perhaps by email.

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