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Comment by Cee on Friday

1. Wonder what it is that is causing a resurgence of the sadness at this point. Some days are almost impossible even when things are going ok. I am so sorry for those of you with major medical problems and no spouse to help you through. It looks like I have knee replacement surgery coming up and not sure how I can do it with no one to go with me and to be at home with me at least for the 1st couple of weeks.
2. Where did these paragraph numbers come from - is that something me or did I trigger something?
3. I agree you you on the tea time and giggle time. I miss him bringing me a cup of tea when I was soaking in the tub with a good book. I also miss those drives to no where just to get out of the house and maybe a stop for ice cream.
4. HUGS to all and may you find some sunny days.

Comment by Nannie on June 21, 2019 at 12:53pm

Thank you all so much for your kind words...I figured I was normal and so was the grief coming back raw as it was years ago....my health isn't bad but I have had one thing after another...now am facing another possible cancer..I had lung and skin...and breezed through both..so I'm not real concerned but am finding myself wanting my husband by my side as I was his for so many years that he was ill....I just want to have tea in the morning, talk a little about life and giggle when we got to bed...just to know he is here..I have children and they are wonderful . , but I want them to live their lives and not worry about me all the time...Thank you again..you have all made me feel so much less alone....

Comment by Marsha on June 21, 2019 at 12:30pm

(((Nannie))) I'm not sure we ever get over missing our loved ones. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Doesn't help when we are alone and things take unexpected turns with our health, home, and just life. That is when I think grieve hits us as we no longer have our rock or have them watching our backs. We seem to be in this world alone even if there are friends and children. They have their life and don't get it nor should they. Having other widow/ers to talk with helps as we have someone who understands and does get it. 

Comment by chef (John) on June 21, 2019 at 9:09am

Nannie,

Eight years here as well. I agree with Suzan.

Grief can still come up and smack me when I least expect it.

Hugs.

John

Comment by Barzan on June 21, 2019 at 7:50am

Hi Nannie,

i am glad you found our group and sorry that you, too, have lost your spouse.  I also am at 8 years and have experienced overwhelming resurgence of my early grief.  We are in our own 12 step recovery of sorts.  There is nothing wrong with you.  And the fact that you have health problems only fires up the grieving because he’s not there to care for you and you’re left to fend for yourself.  I fully understand.  Be kind to yourself.

Hugs to you,

Suzan

Comment by Nannie on June 21, 2019 at 7:37am

Hello..I know there isn't much normal about this journey , but after 8+ years I feel as if I am back to year 2..going to a grief group, not sure if it's helping or hurting...I have had many health problems and that doesn;t help. I miss my husband like I did 8 years ago...did I not finish grieving or does it all just come back at certain times...

Comment by Mark99 on March 18, 2019 at 6:47am

Chef (John)

Thank you all for the kindness about the book. As more people are reading the book and are from different age groups I am struck by how each demographic, age, etc finds a message or something in the writing to highlight and note. That s rewarding. 

And as far as making decisions. I have to laugh at myself over the very real frustration I have making some decisions. Simple decisions. Dumb decisions.

The perfect example is in the spring or the fall trying to decide which duvet and shams to use. For Donna is was easy. She was a designer and had style. She'd say ok time to switch (my job doing it). Then I would get the various ones down or out and Donna would go this this and that and bounce. Me now w/o Donna I take them all out and struggle for hours trying to remember what was used way back. Or fail at design color etc. I am just frozen and angry about how come I cant do this?  And being negative. Yup am there and get it. 

Comment by Princess Warrior Widow on March 12, 2019 at 5:15am

Mark99 congratulations on your book. 

Comment by chef (John) on March 5, 2019 at 5:08am

Sorry for your losses, Marsha.

Congratulations on getting the book produced, Mark.

Mark, you are a much better man than I am. There are times that I am in the supermarket, see older couples together, and think, "Damn! That's never gonna be us!" [I once felt a scowl come across my face during one of these episodes, so I have to watch this.] I feel that part of this is a recognition of the fact that seven-and-a-half years later, I'm still here, working my way through things. I'll hit the eight-year mark in July.

I agree that we have been able to make decisions without discussing things with our spouses who had our backs. I have even experienced the axiom that "Not to decide is to decide." I can't say that all my decisions have been perfect, but at least I've learned from my mistakes. Negativity comes and goes at odd times; sometimes it passes within a few seconds; other times it hangs around for the afternoon or evening (The worst experiences are when it hits me in the middle of the night.), and (at certain milestones along this path) remains for days. I expect that this will continue for the rest of my life. Just my two-cents.

Comment by Mark99 on March 3, 2019 at 11:19am

Two months after Donna died I was introduced to Michele Neff Hernandez by her brother who owned Ward III where Donna and I went. Michele pointed me to Widowed Village and I never looked back. Being around those who shared my timeline of grief and loss gave me the strength to tell "A complex story of love and death simply told in words and photos.” 

If you read it I hope it offers insight and share in my journey. 

Love

Mark 

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