Widowed in 2011

Comment

Comment by judy 3 hours ago

Barry,

Sending you warm thoughts and hugs today.

Comment by cee 3 hours ago

I am at the 19 mo mark also. Some days (most) I just want to crawl in a hole and pull it in after me. I come on here mostly to read, wish I could offer the good advice and wisdom that others do.

I do talk about my guy and I don't care if anyone is interested or not. He was a part of my life for so long and there are many good memories and stories about him so why not talk about him when it fits in the conversation. What bothers me is how quickly they think we should get rid of their belongings. I find it hard to just throw/sell/give things away, it is almost like loosing him again. Like his life's interests didn't matter. Why should I get rid of the evidence that he existed. Don't know if I am making sense.

We belong to this group because we can. And how long we stay here is our business. If the time comes we start feeling better and stronger we can be here for the new members.

So HUGS to all of you.

 

Comment by Joyce 4 hours ago

Oh missinhugs (Fran), I understand and agree, i feel like no matter where i turn other than here, people don't understand why I haven't moved forward.  I can't talk about him even to his kids, I just don't get it.  We were married 21 yrs when he died and I've been widowed 20 months how fast do people think you get over someone not being in your life anymore.  I can't talk about him to anyone and I always pretend I'm doing okay.  There was also someone who wants to know why i still belong to this group.

Comment by missinghugs (fran) 5 hours ago

Mariposa, i am at 19 mos. and the grief and sadness have taken its toll on me this weekend. I have many friends who love me....but are unable to understand how painful this journey is for me. At times i can function okay when out with them....but many times lately i break down. They are losing patience and I really believe I will lose them as well. I work outside the home....at a business owned by friends, which is becoming difficult for me as well. I dont need to hear what they did together and with who. My husband and I used to be a part of their foursome....now others are. I didn't even go to work today. I felt so sad....issues yesterday with my kids telling me all my friends don't know what to do for me anymore. I feel I am being judged all the time and need to defend why I still cry and get sad when "Im with people who love and care about me." Unfortunately I live in a very small town with nothing to offer widows searching for friends who "get it." There is nothing for me to look forward to anymore. I miss taking motorcycle rides, traveling, going out to nice dinners. This life is very lonely. I can't imagine ever getting used to it.

Comment by Gordy's widow 5 hours ago

I find myself getting angry when I see intact families, or couples, I want to wear a sandwich board  saying appreciate what you have NOW YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN IT WILL LEAVE YOU!  Like the crazy person in all the movies.... REPENT NOW....   LOL

Comment by Mariposa 6 hours ago

Gordy's Widow- also, to second what LostWithoutHer(Angel) wrote- there is no shame in wishing that your husband hadn't had cancer. I understand the feeling and it comes out of love for the man you lost. I wish I hadn't lost my husband to cancer either. I don't want to be a widow- but here I am. 

This Father's Day was very trying, worse than the first one. I have been trying not to be envious of those families still untainted by death, who still have husbands and fathers, who are still ignorant  of what the death of a spouse does really means.  Death impact has left an indelible mark in my life and those who have not lost a spouse just do not understand.

Peace and hugs!

Comment by Mariposa 6 hours ago

Gordy- love your advice! LOL! Tell it like it is! :-)

Thanks.

Relieved that you SIL Tanya does not have cancer. Blessings to you and your family.

Comment by LostWithoutHer(Angel) 10 hours ago

There's no shame in wishing your Gordy hadn't had cancer too! I'm so happy that Tanya doesn't have lung cancer, that is a blessing in and of itself! It sux that Gordy had to leave you and that cancer took his life. There is no shame in wishing that his diagnosis had been different! That is normal. Who wouldn't wish their partner had a different outcome?!

Comment by Gordy's widow 10 hours ago

Barry, the second year has been harder for me as well, the finality of it all. thinking I can't remember what his voice sounded like as he walked in the door from work... bellowing "hello" .... the panic that sets in .... because I know he is gone from my sight.... the panic that sets in because I know we are two women living alone and i feel vulnerable at times.... it is hard, it is a way of life forced against our wills to except something none of us asked for or deserves. and that really really SUCKS..... ( again sorry I am so crude) compared to the beautiful words like Mariposa shares.... I guess that is my way of venting RAGE! LOL

Comment by Gordy's widow 11 hours ago

You know what beautiful butterfly at the risk of sounding crude SCREW THEM they don't know where they would be or how they would feel if they had to walk a mile in your shoes! NO ONE and I mean no one should put a time line on you... they do not have the right. I have been thinking about reentering the job force as well, but with my health problems I don't know how I will feel on a day to day basis but I miss my profession and I miss my old patient base, ( was an RDH in one office for 28 years) they gave me support and unconditional love...... when you let the same gal pick at your teeth for 28 years it's how I met Gordy..... so it wouldn't be the same..... but I was good at what I did, I miss it, so maybe something else i don't' know,  then after I think about it i have a bad spell or crippling joint pains.... so I don't know....

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