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Born in the 90s

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Latest Activity: Oct 13

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Comment by Lulu on December 17, 2016 at 11:07pm
Ps I listened to I surrender, what a great song!
Comment by Lulu on December 17, 2016 at 11:06pm
Ya I totally agree Mev's Wifey. He is still my world too. Everyday of my life still revolves around him. And he knew me better then I knew myself and I feel like if he was here he would be able to figure out what I'm feeling and help me through it.
It is crazy how our lives turned out. Your hubby was right, expect the unexpected.
Comment by Mev's Wifey on December 17, 2016 at 7:36am
I totally agree with you Lulu. I am selfish too, I would prefer having him back here. He was the only person who could actually understand me and cheer me up. My was and still is my world. This end of year season will be really really hard for us.. First christmas and first new year without our soulmate. :(
Isn't this weird, we all here should have been talking about how many months pregnant we are, or about our wedding anniversary. But instead, we are unlucky enough to be talking about our widowhood. Life is really strange sometimes; you see some couples who are together but don't love each other, and then there's us, who despite the love we have for our spouse, we can never be together.
My hubby always said "You must always expect the unexpected". But I would never have expected to lose him like this, so young, leaving me with shattered dreams
Comment by Lulu on December 16, 2016 at 3:29pm
Uh 6 months, I'm by no means better but at 10 months I'm noticeably better then at 6 months so have hope Mev's Wifey. I like the 'I survived' I do that too after every big day or after I've pushed myself to go and do something hard. I still cry it out when I'm sad. Sometimes I blare the music to help me get it all out. I'll play songs that were special to us or that remind me of him. I'll wait till I get home if I can for the big crystal then I cry, sometimes I'll add in a little pity party. I figure better to get it out then sit there with it. After A big cry, to calm down I like to watch a movie. I love movies. Another thing I did, mostly at the beginning is I would read grief books. I think they made me feel normal and not alone. I'm saving a book up especially for my Christmas vacation because I have a feeling I'm gunna need a lot of comfort. I try to tell myself he's in a better place but I don't know, I'm too selfish. I'd rather he be back with me. One thing that makes me feel grateful is that I'm glad that I could carry this grief burden for him. I used to ask him if I could die first so I would never have to live without him and he said I could. But now I'm so glad he never has to feel the pain I am feeling.
Comment by Mev's Wifey on December 16, 2016 at 8:54am

Megraf, this is what I do personally. I just go day by day - and at the end of the day, I whisper to myself "I survived one more day". I let the tears out whenever they come forth. And today is exactly 6 months that I burried my hubby, but I am still in shock, I still can't truly accept that he's not going to walk through the door again. As for the mind, it's the only thing that pops up every single minute. I guess all we have to do is pray really hard and try to go on with this "new normal". But sincerely, as time is passing by, I can't say that the pain lessens, it is still the same unbearable pain as the day I heard the words "Mr. Virassamy has passed away". As the saying goes, "where there is deep grief, there was great love". I try to convince myself that he is in a better place. That there is only joy and peace up there.

By the way, Ryder is a nice name.. :)

Comment by Megraf on December 16, 2016 at 7:43am

Yes, Lulu and Mev's Wifey! Bran was so excited of the idea that we were going to try and have a baby. We would talk about what kind of parents we would be. We couldn't decide on a girls name, but we really liked Ryder for a boy. I think the only thing we can do is go day by day, trying not hurt as bad. I thought that time would make me feel better, but it is still extremely hard! How do you guys cope with the pain? Just crying or do you do something to keep your mind occupied?

Comment by Mev's Wifey on December 15, 2016 at 10:34pm

Hey Megraf, it's the first time that i feel that other people too can actually feel what I'm going through.. Because all of us here are going through the same kind of suffering. We too were planning on having kids.. It was our most awaited dream after the religious wedding. We even thought of the names of our kids (Mael if it would be a boy, and Jacey if a girl). Life is very unfair when this kind of things happen to very young people.. People who had everything ahead of them.. I listen to "I Surrender by Hillsong" and sometimes it helps me to cry and scream. I also feel like I lost my whole life.. I don't even know where to turn to..

Comment by Lulu on December 15, 2016 at 6:59pm
Hey Megraf, I listened to the song. Loved it :) We were planning on a baby too. It hurts soo much. His face lit up so much and he started to get all excited and nervous. I can still picture the conversation and it hurts. He wanted children so bad and would often talk about the type of father he wanted to be. He wanted to be cremated and have his urn sit on his children's mantel piece, now he sits on mine. I have no idea how to rebuild my life. Right now my only plan is to figure out how to not hurt so much, then if that ever happens, hope God just takes it from there.
Comment by Megraf on December 15, 2016 at 9:56am

Hey, I am so sorry that we are all having to go through all of this. I am 26 and lost my husband 9 months ago on the 27th. Especially with the holidays coming up, it has been really hard trying to figure out what to do. We just bought a house a year ago, and we were planning on having a baby right when he passed. I don't know about anyone else, but I lost my whole life. If we had 50+ years together, we could say that we did everything that we wanted to do, but now, I feel like I got that taken away from me. He was too young and it just isn't fair. Honestly, listening to worship songs and praying to God has been the only thing that has helped me get through this year. My go to song is Eye of the Storm by Ryan Stevenson. Right now, I just feel so lost and confused about what I am supposed to do with my life. Where do we even begin to rebuild our life?

Comment by Mev's Wifey on December 15, 2016 at 9:04am
Hi.. Yes I am christian and I also listen to praise and worship songs.. I will try the one you mentioned. Yes this is the truth, people tell you that you're so young, life goes on, time will heal your wounds, etc, etc.. But the "life goes on" stuff is the worst part.. You feel lost in every step of your life.. In fact, it seems like you are living a life which is not yours anymore.. Because you start the journey with your better half and wish for a really long life together, but then you get the opposite.. :(
In my opinion, when you lose your spouse when very young, it's more difficult than when you've lived 50 years together, because you never get to fulfill any your dreams..
I totally understand you Lulu.

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