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Born in the 50s

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Comment by Drewlady on August 28, 2011 at 1:48pm

Hello All!! Hope everyone and their families are safe after Hurricane Irene. We moved to our last house September 1999 DAY after Hurricane Floyd which really kicked the Pa/Delaware line. That morning Drew, the kids and I followed the moving vans. When Drew turned onto our new street I closed my eyes. "Baby Doll what's wrong?" 'Tell me we still have a new house "I said. The three of them said a few seconds later "Open your eyes, the new house is in one piece.!" They teased me about that morning for years.

I  also don't want to think about retirement.Drew worked so hard and never got to enjoy it, died at age 56. So I am working full time playing golf  in three support groups volunteer work with the sororitory and traveling every chance I get.Now also trying to start up Drew's holiday catering sideline now that I have figured out most of the recipes.And again no raises at work. Is all this a great big help? people ask. Of course my answer is' no but it gives me a reason to get up shower get dressed and put on make up.'Its been 27 months and I cry now for all that Drew has missed and for the days of leisure that never were.The non widowed keep asking me and I do not want to THINK about it without my hubby and best friend.

I am looking forward to leaving Thursday to Miami with five sorors and meeting friends there for five days of golf ,tennis for some all fees go where you earmark. I chose diabetes research Drew was diabetic as am I. Cocktail parties every night too, can play dress up.

SUPER excited about Camp Widow East  I plan to be there in Myrtle Beach and meet many of you !!!

                                                                            Take care of yourselves !



Comment by Drewlady on August 25, 2011 at 6:58pm

Good evening. last night I posted another blog Drewlady/The Confident Widow. Included are the lyrics to the seventies song Harper Valley P.T.A. Jeannie C. Reilly was the singer. Topic: adventures of a mini skirted Widow! 

                                                                  Take care gals and guys!!

Comment by tink on August 25, 2011 at 5:42pm

lets see retirement  I have 6 years to go.  that is if they don't change the age

in Canada before it is my time.  Hey I lost all plans for the future when my first husband died and I was 35  then seven years ago my second one died .

Well I have taken a jump in a new career of a Cruise and Vacation specialist

so at least I have something in the future.  I work full time at a Men's Wear

store  as a bookkeeper have been there 25 years today. anyway my  bosses

are both over 65 so who knows what the next 6 years will bring?  So when that

oppertunity for a cruise thing came up I went for it.  So if anyone wants a

cruise agent let me know   take care everyone and keep smiling

Comment by flamingt on August 25, 2011 at 3:13pm

Yes! Yes! Yes!  My introduction to LOA (Abraham) teachings have absolutely gotten me to this point! answer you, yes, I'm very familiar with Abraham.  Two of those cruises that I went on were with a LOT of people who are of the same mind.  Seeking joy....period.  And so what if it happen to be on a Mexico cruise OR my (and my late honey's) bucket list - the New Zealand and Australia for New Years?  It was fun AND it was so worth getting information that moved me towards a better emotion.  


As for my kids - that is my contrast.  In order to do those cruises I needed to rent out our "retirement" home so I could do that.  And it relieved me of all the upkeep of the place - because I do have this other house that I got two years ago (good market for buying a short-sale)...So...they are still pissed that I rented out their "shrine" of which they rarely went to - maybe twice a year.  So....I'm standing up to the fact that was my decision and that it was okay to do this.  Oh kids will get over it, I have to make sure they don't pull me down into a guilt pit, and just continue doing what I know makes me happy.  Seek joy.....period.  I love them, maybe they will get over it.  


Someone in this column recommended a counselor or MFT.  I had recommended it over a year ago to both of them...and neither of my grown adult children wanted to go there, because "they aren't grieving".  So, I had my first meeting with a MFT and my daughter just this last Saturday.  It didn't go well.  I was crying all over the place, couldn't find my footing with my daughter, and I don't think it went well at much, I felt maybe that I need to just stop right here and not re-visit that one.  

I what I know best, find my vibration in a better place.  It took me 3 days, a mudbath and a massage, to get over it.  Much better now!!!!


So as Eckhart Tolle says (and Wayne Dyer too)'s all just a dream, so you might has well be present and enjoy the moment.  It's painful to go backwards with history.  


Now, let me go meditate!  Love to you all......

Comment by Marsha on August 25, 2011 at 12:48pm
@flamingt you give me hope as I continue this journey. My son and daughter both told me after their Dad died I should retire and go have fun. They felt their Dad and I had worked so hard all our lives and now their Dad was gone. I am thinking of early retirement. Still don't have any plans together. Hard for me to keep focused right now. Some days better than others. I will get it together. Trying to move up the emotional (vibrational ) scale. Do have to ask - are you familiar with Abraham?
Comment by flamingt on August 25, 2011 at 11:48am
At Paula, Hope moves you UP the vibrational scale to love.  It is there, all you have to do is reach for it.  Pretend that you are going for a pedicure/manicure.  It will give you the same feeling of "taking care of yourself".  You are getting your own time.  Just know, we all align ourselves to the vibration of joy, it comes naturally to us as children.  Now it's time to get it back!  You deserve it.
Comment by Paula on August 25, 2011 at 11:09am
You make me cry and give me hope all at the same time.
Comment by flamingt on August 25, 2011 at 10:59am

Ah yes, retirement.  It was forced onto us...I lost my job (age 51) and husband had Parkinson's (age 52).  So...we sold the family home, moved up to his mom and dad's ranch and built our "retirement home" (hey, at least it would be mortgage free).  Long story short - lived there for 5 1/2 years, he dies of brain cancer, I'm up there alone (just his dad and sister-in-law) out in the middle of timbucktu.


For short term plan...I move down into an apartment to be nearer my kids.  Oh..and that long planned Hawaii trip (he died 5 weeks before we were suppose to go)...I took my dear sister-in-law and went.  I drank, I cried, I enjoyed the waves, I still was in misery.


After about 6 months, I yanked myself out of my grief and decided...I'm going to places anyway!  So I went to China, I went to Mexico, I went to Australiz/New Zealand...yes...I spent that money!  And you know what, I enjoyed myself each day better and better.  Now, I'm collecting his pension, his social security, my pension, and a little rent money from our "retirement" home up in the boonies.


I'm not looking back!  When I wake up in the morning I give thanks and appreciation for everything I ever had and what possibly might be coming my way in the future.  I am happier now (not that I'm glad he is gone), because this is my time now.  I'm so thankful that I'M healthy.  I'm so thankful that I can move on and know that he was in my life for 38 years and we had a wonderful existence together.


Yes...he's not here.  BUT, I can find solace with my new friends in my new life and know that life is just unfolding the way it's suppose to and NOT resist the "stuff" that annoys me -- (like the clogged up sink, that I'm currently waiting for a plumber to unclog!)


I am also grateful that I can type these words here and let you know that it does get better and better.  Life is way too short to be angry with guilt, shame, and fear of the future.  So....I remind myself, LOVE MYSELF!

Comment by teacher 720 on August 25, 2011 at 10:22am

Hi all! This was going to be my husband's final year of work. We had big plans for our retirement. We hoped to go to London and stay for awhile when the olympics were going to be there. I was reallly not elgible to retire this year, but planned on taking a leave of absence to see if financially I could go ahead and retire. Well, those plans went out the window with the accident. Now I am still teaching and really not happy.I do not the next step. I am hoping God will lead me to it. I miss my hubby every day!!


Comment by Mary99 on August 25, 2011 at 3:10am
Yes, we had one year when both kids were out of the house, moved away for a job and for college. That was my favorite year-got a taste of the empty nest and couldn't wait for more. When Tom got sick Jess moved back in and now it's looking permanent. She's getting married in November and I offered to let them live here - what with the job market the way it is, there's no way to guarantee their incomes and they could be stuck in an apartment they couldn't afford. There's plenty of room here - and they may even buy the house in a few years.

I just never pictured it this way. We get along fine, and Ken is a fine young man, but this wasn't supposed to be my life. Would it have been better if I'd never had a taste of the empty nest? Maybe. But that's one of my sweetest memories - just the two of us, date night every night, sometimes going out, sometimes staying in. It was sweet.

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