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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Born in the  70s

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Comment by Noni5 on June 18, 2018 at 6:22am

This time of year is hard for me, my husband passed almost three years ago.  Like some of you when he found out he had Leukemia it was too late to really fight.  He spent almost two months in the hospital, I stayed all the time, slept in a recliner in his room and then the last week he was home on hospice.  I am still struggling, some days are better than others.  I see a grief counselor once a week, I am desperately trying to find the new me and new normal.  I have three kids two still at home 28, 22 and 16. 

 

Comment by Hacochbe on June 16, 2018 at 4:35pm

Yes write in the comments. Sorry you've found yourself here. There's a more active Australian Facebook page for widows and widowers maybe look into that. Its a closed group so only members see posts. I find its a great place to vent and say what your thinking as we are all in the same boat. I also have 4 children but 3 older 23, 18,16 and 7. My eldest and youngest are in counselling, my middle two not interested at this stage. I also see someone. My hubby passed just over 4 moths ago. Hugs to you x

Comment by Luv4Z on June 16, 2018 at 2:59pm

Am I supposed to write in comments or send messages to group to communicate within chosen groups?? Very new. Lost Husband age 39.  2 weeks ago .  We have 4 kiddos im a mess doesn’t look like im alone.this is horrible and I cant even figure this site out. Need to connect somehow to others . Im planning for family grief counseling too ,anyone done that???

Comment by Rainy (Misty) on May 16, 2018 at 6:53am

Why is it that just when I think I'm doing pretty good...well, suddenly I'm NOT.  Last night was the first time I cried, I'd been holding back the tears for 2 days.  Last night was the first time in months I needed to take something to help me sleep.  There are so many other factors aside from the most immediate loss.  The secondary grief is normally what gets me but for the past few days, it's just been the plain old missing Jerry grief.  Half denial, half anger, and all anguish. 

I'm glad for him, that he went suddenly.   I just wish everything that needed to be said was said.  One little thing to clear up, one small reassurance, one more I love you.  It's all I needed to be at peace and I didn't get that.  It makes me angry, sad and guilt-riddled.  For what?  I have no reason to feel any of those things.  

I am ready for the NEW normal so show up.  I'm tired of yo-yo-ing around, so if I feel that way then why can't I put a stop to my own emotional upheaval? 

Comment by Rainy (Misty) on May 4, 2018 at 3:23am

Dani, Hi I'm sorry you're here.  I know it's exhausting I have 3 children to teens still living at home.  I'm at 5 months out and hate everything about life right now, however.....  I refuse to accept it as a new normal.  I keep myself (or try too) thinking that THIS is not the new normal.  The NEW normal hasn't got here yet.  Hang in there Dani.

Comment by Dani on May 3, 2018 at 6:10pm

Hi Hacochbe.  I'm sorry for your loss.  My husband was stage 4 when they found it and he was too weak and it was too aggressive to fight.  He was on hospice at home for his last month or so and I was his caregiver as well.  It was so hard watching him die.  I am planning to return to work in a few weeks and I haven't been since Sept when my son was born.  We worked at the same place, so there are so many memories there as well.  It does truly suck.

Comment by Hacochbe on May 3, 2018 at 5:42pm

Hi Dani I lost my hubby 3 months ago too and also to cancer although he had endless chemo and treatments for 4.5 yrs. We have 4 children 22,18,16 and 7. It's sooooo hard. nI like you have tried to get everything back on track for the same of my children but some days are harder than others. I have gone back to work this week part time. Haven't worked for over a year as I was Petes carer for his last 9 months. It all completely sucks x

Comment by Dani on May 3, 2018 at 11:15am

My husband passed away 3 months ago tomorrow.  We found out he had cancer when our baby was just 5 weeks old, and less than three months later he was gone.  I'm now trying to keep some sense of daily normalcy for our kids who are 15, 10, 4, and 7mo.  I'm totally exhausted, but try not to think about it too much because it's really just the new normal.

Comment by Mamitha on May 2, 2018 at 2:50pm

Hi AJ, I just read your comment and I so know what you mean. I lost my husband to cancer a little over a year ago and I have two teens, my daughter plays softball and my son plays baseball. My daughter joined a travel ball team and is super hard with all the sports schedules and their schools and my work. I do not like comments of that sort either, but you are absolutely right seeing how amazing my kids are is an awesome reward!! Keep doing what you are doing AJ!!

Comment by JoMid on May 2, 2018 at 2:49pm

Hi All,

I lost my husband 3 years ago. He was 38, I was 39. Our daughter was 8 at the time of his passing. His death came off the heals of losing my Grandmother, then having my Uncle (my Grans eldest child) die in my arms on the same day she passed away and also then a year and a half of my husband being acutely ill and all that entails. Last week I had a dear friend pass away in some rather tragic circumstances. Quite frankly I'm so done with people dying. It's been a long & trying 5 years. I've done a lot of regrouping, recouping and recovering. Things are still difficult, the waves of grief always come and I still long to have my old life back, but the sting and sharpness of the grief has lessened over time.

Struggling at the moment to get to know the new me, trying to find out who the new me is after the loss of my husband. Also trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life career wise and still trying to be present for my daughter. And also wondering how to carry my husbands memory with me/us in a healthy way and always wanting to have a connection with him. And also getting used to the changing of friends and family etc which I've found difficult to deal with at times.

I'm sorry you are all here, but I'm grateful there is a "safe" space for us to just be without anyone trying to fix our grief.

 

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